Monday, April 30, 2018

The Figgs by Ali Bryan


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4 Stars

I was fully prepared to hate everything about The Figgs upon seeing a comparison made to . . . . .



Good grief but those are some big shoes to fill. However, the combination of my love for dysfunctional families along with the admiration of whoever had the cajones to namedrop Tropper like it was nothing was too strong to resist. And now that I’m finished? Well, I am happy to report I feel nearly the same way about the Figgs as I did about the Altmans . . .



(The only thing missing is a wicked crush on Judd.)

All June ever wanted for herself and her husband Randy was to be able to retire in peace – maybe sell the house and move someplace warm, or at minimum get to take that road trip she’s dreamed of her entire marriage. That’s been impossible, however, thanks to Tom, Vanessa and Derek – their adult children who still reside in the family home. We meet the Figgs as June is trying one last push to get the children to clean up all of their old crap and clear out of the house. Little does June know that rather than losing some family members, the house is getting ready for a plus one, in the form of Derek’s baby no one knew was even expected.

The remainder of the story is coming to terms with alllllll of their family’s history. Learning that . . . .



And to . . . .



While realizing that the Figgs might not appear as dysfunctional from an outsider’s perspective as they do from an insider’s . . . .



ARC received from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Thank you, NetGalley!

Friday, April 27, 2018

This Book Has Balls by Michael Rapaport


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3 Stars

Obviously I wasn’t the target demographic for this book. My husband was. And he read it. Since we’ve been married 20+ years and he’s only finished three books that I can remember during that time, when he told me he thought I would like this one I had to give it a go.

Before I get to what I had to say, let me tell you that ol’ hubs would give this one the full monty. In an attempt to give full disclosure, you should know that he’s also a Rapaport superfan. He listens to his podcast, every movie dude has ever been in makes his fave list, he’ll watch a TV show just because Rapaport’s guest-starring on it. Major one-sided bromance. He’s also a fan of all sports in general and is a fucking know it all has Rainman capabilities when it comes to stats and trivia tidbits.

Me, on the other hand? I currently live in a house full of these types of people and I was raised by another army of them. My kids play sports and sportsball games or shows about sportsball games are always on the television so I have a general knowledge of the rules and the who’s who. Really, though? My one sports-oriented bucketlist item was finally achieved . . . .



In addition to the catchy title, this thing wasn’t too bad. I will say it was a little East Coast – for obvious reasons since that’s where dude came from. My fan experience has been strictly flyover country centered, so I got lost occasionally in not knowing the various New York players from the olde days of yore that he fawned over. The bright side was, he was brutal when it came to trash talking. From Tiger Woods’ downfall due to the voodoo punany, to the King of Flop . . . .


(Who I still have permission to make-out with if we should ever meet.)

To the dad everyone loves to hate . . . .



NOTHING was off limits for Rappaport.

I listened to the audio of this and I have to say the delivery was a bit like an old SNL skit . . .



I’ve been accusing the husband of selective hearing for YEARS. Now I’m pretty sure he just went deaf from over-Rappaporting his poor earholes.

I was going to throw this one a bone (that’s what he said) and hand out 3.5 Stars simply for the fact that a Real Housewhores segment was included proving to my husband that my addiction to watching EVERY CITY ON THE PLANET is absolutely A-Okay. But then Rapaport gave Bethenny Frankel – who yes is most definitely a boss, but she’s a fucking crybaby when anyone calls her on her shit and I just can’t tolerate that noise – the #1 ranking when it’s sooooooo obvious there’s a new HBIC . . . .



3 Stars it is.

The Girl He Used To Know by Tracey Garvis-Graves


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3.5 Stars

I actually read this a couple of weeks ago, but then I discovered Instagram and book pictures and now I’m completely and totally obsessed just a teensy little bit into this new hobby so I had to wait for it to stop raining for 40 days and 40 nights in order to go up to the library roof and take this . . . . .



Totally worth it and not psychotically addictive behavior at all.

Before I even begin here, I feel I should tell you all about my relationship with Tracey Garvis-Graves. Noooooo, we’re not related or even friends. But she did write On the Island, a book that my non-re-reading self will re-read every single summer until I die. It’s just oh so very Blue Lagooney and it makes me feel pretty much like this . . . .



That being said, it’s a nearly impossible task for this author to write another “kitten riding a unicorn” type of book for me.

The current blurb states . . . . .

“Love doesn't come with an instruction manual.”

I say this is book is an example that . . . .



It’s a different (simply for lack of a better word – please don’t get offended) type of love story. And I really loved it . . . . until I didn’t. I’m assuming the problems I had will probably be just that – MY PROBLEMS – but they are what they are. I just do not like the device that tore Annika and Jonathan apart. I can’t remember a book where I was ever okay with it. Call it a trigger or whatever catch phrase is most fitting, but it annoys the crap out of me and my hackles remain raised for the duration once I read it. And then to top it all off there was my second most hated thing that I really should have seen coming, but I wasn’t paying attention to what the dates were and when I finally realized what was going to happen I was all like . . . .



But do you see what I mean? These were obviously my issues. For the rest of you, The Girl He Used To Know will probably make you feel like . . . .



ARC received from St. Martin’s Press in exchange for an honest review.


ORIGINAL "REVIEW:"

My reaction to being offered an ARC of this book . . . .

 

Thursday, April 26, 2018

Things We Have In Common by Tasha Kavanagh

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4 Stars

Yasmin has never really fit in, but after her father died six years ago things really went South. Now fifteen, overweight and friendless, Yasmin spends her free time merely as an observer of those around her. Specifically Alice . . . .

“Keep Calm and Carry On. Keep Calm and Carry On Loving Alice.”

That is how she notices someone else appears to be watching Alice as well – only that someone has been doing it from the woods near the school . . . .



She knows Alice is going to be taken. The only question is, can she save her?

Okay, y’all know what YA means right??? Good lorty lort how I do love a book marketed towards young adults that’s jacked up enough to satisfy super weirdo adults like myself – and more specifically Mitchell. After reading too many pornies, chick lit and domestic thrillers for his liking, Mitchell insisted he get a turn to play Jesus and take the wheel when it came to our next read. And now he says . . . .



I say please disregard that statement because the things he Googles are truly terrifying. I do have this to say about Tasha Kavanagh and Things We Have In Common . . . . .



If you’ve been missing reading about a delusional, obsessed stalker written in second person narrative, this might be a story for you. Don't let the YA moniker hold you back.

Wednesday, April 25, 2018

Gods & Monsters by Saffron A Kent

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1 Star

Here's another overdue book review for your viewing displeasure. I just realized I read this on Valentine's Day. Ha! No wonder my husband didn't get any play!!!

I wanted to read Gods and Monsters immediately. First, dat cover . . . .



He makes me want to bend it like Beckham!!!!

Second, dat title which noted below had me all like . . . .



And third, dat - okay, that’s just not me I can’t do it anymore - THAT synopsis which was so very . . . . .



But since this was a dirty book it would have 100% more penetration than ol’ Romeo & Juliet ever had. I was sure I was going to love it. And then?????



Dude and dudette did run away together à la Romes and Jules, but things went off the rails completely when they decided revenge on the Montagues and Capulets . . . I mean their parents should come in the form of engaging in copious amounts of sex without protection despite being broke as a joke and completely incapable of taking care of themselves, yet alone a tiny human, and when that wasn’t enough starring in a porno together. In the immortal words of Sir Charles Barkley, there’s only one thing to say about this book. It’s . . . . .



I actually highlighted a bunch of stuff and made a bevy of notes about what a horrible experience I was having, but I think this one sums everything up . . . .

“Good lord, this thing is like a 14-year old’s wet dream.”

Oh, and all the sex????? Too bad it made me picture this . . . .



Blergh. I hope they called one of those crime scene types of cleaning crews in to remove all the snail trails from their roommate’s apartment for him!

Thanks again to my Book Fairy for gifting me this one. Sorry I hated it!


ORIGINAL "REVIEW:"

This book has been showing up all over my feed for the past couple of weeks (even though only one friend has read it). NA is most definitely not usually a hit for me, but I knew I would eventually have to give in on this one if for no other reason than to get THIS from playing on a loop in my head . . . .



This morning I woke up to an Amazon email notifying me a friend had bought it for me. On her own, without me begging, heck without it even being on my TBR. Don't let the haters tell you otherwise. Goodreads is home to some amazing humans.

Thank you again Book Fairy!!!! I was supposed to be finishing God-Shaped Hole today, but I think I'm going to bump "Porny Saturday" up a day instead ; )

Tuesday, April 24, 2018

How To Walk Away by Katherine Center

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5 Stars




I immediately jumped at the chance for an advanced copy of How To Walk Away when a comparison was made to Me Before You - despite knowing the potential outcome of a book that might possibly give me feelings . . . .



I accepted the challenge. And I’m so happy to report that I stayed strong and did not ruin my eye makeup!

It appears not a whole lot is being said about the plot in the blurb, so I’m going to attempt to keep my mouth shut as much as possible as well. I’ll simply say the story here is of Margaret, who gets engaged one minute and finds her life cartwheeling out of control the next. The remainder of the book is what happens during the year following that life-changing moment. The only thing else I can say?????



While there were definitely some easy comparisons to Me Before You that delivered the same types of feelz . . . . .



It was the story as a whole and Margaret’s family that pushed me over the edge into 5 Star territory. If you’re looking for a feel good book, How To Walk Away should go to the top of your to-read list this summer.

And even though I know anything can be cut and I’m not supposed to post direct quotes, I can’t help but leave this one itsy bitsy lil’ thing right here because it’s perfect . . . . .

“There are all kinds of happy endings.”

Katherine Center . . . .



Many thanks to St. Martin’s Press for believing that even an old curmudgeon like me might feel like smiling every once in a while.

Monday, April 23, 2018

The Wife by Alafair Burke


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4 Stars

“Misunderstandings don’t happen when a situation is black and white. They only happen when there are shades of gray, when there could be two different versions of the same damn thing.” 

Have domestic thrillers always been a thing? Probably so. I just didn’t know the term until recently. Either way, I dig ‘em.

The Wife is a “ripped from the headlines” kind of tale about Jason, an economics geek turned media darling, who is accused of inappropriate behavior by an intern. It doesn’t take long before skeletons start to tumble out of his closet and another woman steps forward to accuse him of rape. Angela is faced with a terrible decision – stay as quiet as possible so her own history doesn’t get figured out and brought to public attention or stand up for her husband and risk everyone finding out about everything regarding her personal life.

I’m not going to say much more, because the whole point in these Lifetime Movie Mystery Channel types of stories is to be able to read them without being spoiled. I will say that although I have a couple of his novels on the “hysterectomy shelves” I have never read James Lee Burke before so I can’t compare his stuff to his daughter’s. I will also say that I thought Alafair was a dude’s name, so I didn’t even have a clue that she was a she before picking this up, let alone the fact that she's related to a famous writer. Nope, I put stuff on hold simply due to the fact that I'm a lemming and once my friends start reading the same thing I don't want to feel left out ; )

Per usual with this style of book, you really have to suspend disbelief. But that’s what makes it fun. The 4 Stars are strictly for the page turnability (new word) factor. With warm weather (maybe???) finally upon us, this is a sure hit for vacationers who like to read a bit of the stabby rather than steamy as they play my favorite summertime game . . . . .

Friday, April 20, 2018

Lies She Told by Cate Holahan


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3.5 Stars

Overdue book review? I’d say so since I read this thing last freaking year. The most disgusting part? I was offered another reader copy by Crooked Lane for review and was actually ballsy enough to ask for this one instead. Proves once again no one should ever do anything nice for me.

Perhaps the most shocking thing of all is that I actually REMEMBERED this story – which is practically a miracle. Especially when it comes to mysteries/thrillers since I read so many of them and they tend to blend together. Lies She Told was obviously just different enough that even my broken brain couldn’t forget the plot . . . . despite forgetting to ever post a review.

The story here is of Liz. Liz used to be a successful author of romantic suspense, but her last book really went in the dumper. Now she’s under a 30-day time crunch in order to get her new story finished and get back on top of her game. Follow along with not only Liz’s life, but also Beth’s – Liz’s new female protagonist who discovers her husband is having an affair. Make sure to pay attention, though, because the dual narrators along with a potential case of life imitating art are sure to create some #blurredlines . . . . .



3.5 Stars because this was a book that took a while to find its rhythm. Rounded up because now that summer is approaching this would make for a great beachy read.

Many thanks to Crooked Lane for providing a copy of this to me in exchange for an honest review. Sorry I suck!

Thursday, April 19, 2018

Calypso by David Sedaris


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5 Stars

To say that this is a biased review might be the understatement of the decade. Many of you are already familiar with my love for the Sedaris family. It began with Amy and Strangers With Candy before I discovered her brother was a writer. Having now read all but one of his collections – and more recently re-listening to several of them during my commute – I have no shame in admitting I am completely smitten with every single one of the Sedaris clan. So much so that when a conversation between two people who didn’t enjoy Sedaris popped up on my feed last week I practically had to cut my fingers off to not interject with a "butbutbutbut" and nearly had myself convinced that the parties must be aliens and I should probably report them to the proper authorities. Then I remembered that people are allowed to have opinions and since David himself is probably well aware that he’s not everyone’s cuppa I should resign myself to that fact too. All that being said, I obviously need mental help and my rating should probably be taken with a grain dumptruck of salt.

Calypso IS good, though. A stand out, even. If you are a fan this should rise to the top of the ranks. With a reoccurring theme of visits with family (and Carol) at home in Sussex as well as at the “Sea Section” beach house in North Carolina, Sedaris delivers both humorous as well as poignant memories in spades – and even though I know I’m not supposed to quote an advanced copy as anything I was privileged enough to read could still end up on the cutting room floor, this little line sums things up perfectly . . . .

“Ours is the only club I’ve ever wanted to be a member of, so I couldn’t imagine quitting.”

Oh how I would love to be a fly on the wall during their “club meetings.”

By this point in my life I’ve actually received numerous offers by friends to attend one of David Sedaris’ public readings which are put on pretty much yearly here by a local bookstore and held at a giant, beautiful, non-denominational church. While I’m flattered that people like me enough to voluntarily spend time with me without being paid to do so, my response is always no. First, because of other humans . . . .



And second, but more importantly, because I’m terrified I would become this . . . .



At this point I don’t think I could settle for less than Thanksgiving at the Sea Section (I still agree with Paul that the Conch Sucker should have been the winner) on Emerald Isle (on the West side of the house where the visitors stay, of course - I’m not psycho). It is there we will binge-watch My 600-lb Life. Afterwards I will help dig a hole in the sand for the turkey deep fryer to sit in and make sure I have plenty of cash on hand to tip Amy while she performs my spa treatment after I kick alllllllll of their asses at Sorry.

I’m also fairly certain that I need a piece of driftwood art in my life like the one that will be featured on the cover . . . .



One-eyed raccoons. Such judgey little assholes, right? But you can’t deny the other option is sheer perfection . . . .



Oh, before I forget. I can't sign off until I mention the part about pants shitting . . . .



You might not have to love David Sedaris in order to be my friend, but you do have to find people crapping their drawers hilarious. No exceptions.

Man I can’t wait to listen to this one. Every Star.

ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Hope you don’t regret it!


ORIGINAL "REVIEW:"

Note to Little Brown from my husband: Please give my wife the new Jason Sudakis book so she'll shut up about it already.

Note to husband from myself: Please don't try to help ever again.

Wednesday, April 18, 2018

Gods of Howl Mountain by Taylor Brown


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3.5 Stars

“To compete in these mountains, you have to be strong and tall. Otherwise, you won’t be able to reach the light.”

The year is 1952. The place is Howl Mountain, North Carolina. Allow me to introduce you to a few of the residents. First up is Rory. He fought in Korea and was sent home missing a leg. Ever since he’s been back he’s been earning a livin’ runnin’ that rye whiskey all up and down the hills . . . .



Rory lives with his Granny May. She used to be known for this . . . .



But she’s since left whorin’ behind and has made a name for herself when it comes to folk healin’. In her spare time she does a little of this . . . .



And a lot of this . . . .



Rory’s momma has been out of the picture for an age ever since a superbadawful happened to her that took her voice and left her in the looney bin. She came out of it with a little souvenir, though . . . .



Rory’s become quite fond of the local preacher’s daughter, but he ain’t quite sold on their church . . . .



If you know me, you’re probably well aware of the fact that I like my stories to be a . . . .



So why the hell the fair to middlin’ rating, right? I will admit the problem here is most likely a result of my wrongreading. Taylor Brown’s writing simply painted readers into Appalachia. Thus was the problem for me. I read about this area as often as I can. I don’t need to hear about the land in great detail every other paragraph. When you have characters like those mentioned above (as well as Eustace, Eli, etc.) I was looking for a story that focused on the people, not descriptions of the place. Once you meet Granny May, there’s a chance you’ll feel the same way too . . . .

“Christ’s father let him die on that cross,” she said. “I understand why he done it.” She leaned closer, whispering in his ear: “But Christ never had no granny like me.”

That cover, tho . . . I might should round up instead of down for that alone.