4 Stars
Last week I discovered Tik Tok and now most of my afternoons are spent looking like this . . . .
I figured it was high time to stop reading actual books and get something porny. Kristen Ashley is an obvious go-to girl as I tend to at least tolerate her characters/storylines and the pornbrarian has a bevy of options available for download. What I did not know was this was the introduction to the Chaos motorcycle club books that I have been splooshing over for years.
Mystery Man is just that – a dude who picked our leading lady Gwen up in a bar a year and a half ago and who has been making occasional nighttime pleasure visits ever since. When Gwen finds herself caught up in a heap of trouble actually belonging to her sister, mystery man “Hawk” shows himself during daylight hours and stakes a claim on Gwen as his official woman. There’s only one problem – or make that two – Tack and Lawson, who both not only happen to have an involvement with the trouble brewing, but also an interest in our leading lady.
So there’s the basic plot, now let’s get to the important stuff that makes people read this shit in the first place . . . . .
Okay, so first of all Cabe “Hawk” Delgado is some sort of former commando turned question-marky “good” guy who owns a security company, lives in a ginormous warehouse and drives hot cars. Basically, he’s . . . .
(Ranger from the Stephanie Plums if you don’t read all the literary classics like I do.) And where there’s a Ranger, there has to be a Morelli, right? Enter Lawson the law man. (Think that’s lame? The other law guy’s name is Leo. Like Law Enforcement Officer? The creativity of KA is severely lacking.) When we meet him he’s described wearing a turtleneck so immediately all I could ever picture was . . . .
And in attempt to maybe do an anything you can do I can do . . . more of (????) there’s not two guys vying for Gwen’s attention, there’s . . . . .
Here comes Tack. He gets his own book with
Motorcycle Man later that really started me on this downward spiral of KA Kool-Aid drinking, but here he’s just one of the gang. He’s described with short hair a long goatee of the salt-and-pepper variety, but I can’t help imagining this guy whenever he’s mentioned . . . .
And don’t you judge me because back in the day Kevin Nash was fucking fly for a white guy and he’s also about 7 feet tall and probably has a huge ding-a-ling so just STFU.
So there you have it regarding the dudes. My complaints about the substance are the same per usual when it comes to these books: (1) They are WAAAAAY too long (and a true LOL moment came when the author not only plugged her own series (
Rock Chick), but also had Gwen (a book editor) say she would love a chance to work with the author. JFC – so do all of us readers. My kingdom for an editor to trim some of the fat!). (2) The are 100% formulaic with grunty caveman leading males who cannot speak in complete sentences and (again because they are never-fucking-ending) that gets tiring. (3) The sex is kind of terrible the more of them I read. I mean really these dudes are all supposed to be champs in the sack, but none of them know how to seal the deal without some external diddling???? (4) Break-up/make-up once is cool – three or four or seven times in one book is exhausting. But Imma still give it 4 Stars because I needed a timesuck and this delivered, I hopefully am not going to be on the predator watch list for continuing to watch questionably-aged young men airhump for me on the internets, I now know I will read the rest of this series, and Elvira was in this one.