Monday, December 2, 2019

Toil & Trouble by Augusten Burroughs

5 Stars

JFC, this one didn’t make it to the Currently Reading list either??? Methinks things may have been getting glitchy up in the phone version of the ‘Reads. I can see me missing marking one book, but not two. Toil & Trouble was the third Burroughs’ offering I picked up and I have one thing to say . . . .

And also, WHERE MY GIRLS AT?!?!?!?!?! You know who you are (*cough Debbie cough*) – the ones who get dreamy swoon-face like Lisa Simpson here whenever our favorite culottes-wearing elf releases a new memoir . . . . .

Now, I can’t say that all of Augusten’s personal history will be something you want to consume since he was raised by a literal mental patient and molested throughout his youth (just to name a couple of cringe-worthy inclusions), but in this book Burroughs is married, pushing 50, moving to Connecticut and it is oh-so-very-Sedaris-esque which had me like . . . . .

Tales of Eddie the fix-it man, an undisclosed candy addiction and (of course) the first house he fell in love with . . . . .

Not even kidding:

Wow. The walls down here are literally made of mold. I am doing the renovation math in my mind as we walk, and we are now at around four hundred thousand dollars.

So far, I kind of hate it.

“I love it,” Christopher tells Corky.

Christopher has always loved a good wreck. He married me, after all. When we first started dating, he asked, “Have you seen Grey Gardens?” I told him I hadn’t. He said, “Oh, you have to watch it. It’s a crazy, great documentary.” He’d already seen it a few times, he loved it so much. But I told him to shut it off after the first five minutes. “I’m sure it’s amazing, but this reminds me way too much of my childhood. People living in squalor and eating cat food is a horrible memory, not entertainment, even if they are related to Jacqueline Kennedy.”

And, of course, there’s the witchcraft. Whether you are truly able to pick up what Burroughs is putting down or simply dismiss it as something like The Secret Oprah was pushing on everyone a decade or so ago or chalk it up to . . . . .

It certainly makes for some entertaining reading. After all . . . .

You don’t have to believe in witches.
But don’t ever fuck with one.

Every Star.

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