3.5 Stars
In case you didn’t see my status update yesterday, I was busted reading this by a senior partner in my law firm while trapped on a crowded elevator and him looking over my shoulder right as the female lead is getting all soaped up in the tub . . . .
No shit!
Since I have zero shame or ability to tell even the tiniest of white lies (and since he clearly could already tell the answer), when asked what I was reading I told him the truth – DYSTOPIAN PORN!!!! And then I went and lodged a formal complaint about how his question made me uncomfortable and was probably sexual harassment of some nature. I keeeeeeed I keeeeeeed! I did tell him the truth about what I was reading, though, because seriously DYSTOPIAN PORN!!!!!!! I was totally hoping for . . . . .
And I’m still singing ♫♪We don’t need another heeeeeeero. We don’t need to know the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa hooooooooooome. All we want is life beyooooooooooooooond. Thunderdome. ♫♪ Oh Tina, you are a gift from the tiny 8 lb. 6 oz. Baby Jeebus.
Where was I???? Oh yeah, DYSTOPIAN PORN!!!!! Alright, so our story is about Hudson, a woman who used to reside within the confines of the City as part of a family of big muckity mucks and ran away from an arranged marriage with a super rapey nutcase. Hudson has training, both medical and combat, but she’s well aware that beyond the City walls is an every-man-for-himself type of wasteland. When she runs across Conner and his band of outlaws she takes a risk and asks if she can join up with them . . . and is met with a resounding nooooooooooooooooooooope because soon-to-be leading male Conner’s peen is a bit too interested. But Hudson is persistent . . . .
And eventually the dudes say okay – but only for a day or so. After a successful supply raid, they decide to whoop it up a bit and that’s where Hudson discovers things are really not like what they were in the city . . . . .
ELLE KENNEDY DID!!!!!!!!! She did it real good too.
So anyway, Hudson is all . . . .
And Conner is all . . . .
“Don’t fucking tease me . . . Trust me, you don’t want to open that door.” But she did. She really, really did.
And I was all like . . . .
Once Hudson knew how on the outside sex wasn’t just for sluts and whores but that women could enjoy it and initiate it and whathaveyou, Conner was all . . .
“There’ll be ground rules if you stay” She’d expected that. “Like what?” “I call the shots.” He smirked at her. “And that rule extends to the bedroom. I decide how fast we go, what we do, where we do it, who joins us.” A wicked gleam sparked in his eyes. “I get total control.”
And I was all . . . .
Clean up, aisle MY PANTIES.
Now, of course there were some WTF moments. Like, have you ever moaned just from taking a gander at a penis????? Yeah, me either. Let’s be honest, they’re not super attractive. You know what does make me moan???? This . . . .
For the most part, this one was pretty solid. There was an actual plot, which isn’t always a guarantee when reading smut, and the smut was like OFF. THE. CHARTS. smutty. It was also refreshing to have a “honey blonde” as the leading lady. No offense to my ginger pals, but y’all know you are about as rare as unicorns so you shouldn’t be the star of every single damn dirty story. And also . . . .
I mean, COME ON. Gigi Hadid is wicked hot. It’s nice to be able to picture her for a change.
I don’t have a friend to tag on this one because it was the library’s recommendation software that brought it to my attention. Nice to know even random bots on the interwebs recognize that I’m a filthy whore.
No shit!
Since I have zero shame or ability to tell even the tiniest of white lies (and since he clearly could already tell the answer), when asked what I was reading I told him the truth – DYSTOPIAN PORN!!!! And then I went and lodged a formal complaint about how his question made me uncomfortable and was probably sexual harassment of some nature. I keeeeeeed I keeeeeeed! I did tell him the truth about what I was reading, though, because seriously DYSTOPIAN PORN!!!!!!! I was totally hoping for . . . . .
And I’m still singing ♫♪We don’t need another heeeeeeero. We don’t need to know the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa hooooooooooome. All we want is life beyooooooooooooooond. Thunderdome. ♫♪ Oh Tina, you are a gift from the tiny 8 lb. 6 oz. Baby Jeebus.
Where was I???? Oh yeah, DYSTOPIAN PORN!!!!! Alright, so our story is about Hudson, a woman who used to reside within the confines of the City as part of a family of big muckity mucks and ran away from an arranged marriage with a super rapey nutcase. Hudson has training, both medical and combat, but she’s well aware that beyond the City walls is an every-man-for-himself type of wasteland. When she runs across Conner and his band of outlaws she takes a risk and asks if she can join up with them . . . and is met with a resounding nooooooooooooooooooooope because soon-to-be leading male Conner’s peen is a bit too interested. But Hudson is persistent . . . .
And eventually the dudes say okay – but only for a day or so. After a successful supply raid, they decide to whoop it up a bit and that’s where Hudson discovers things are really not like what they were in the city . . . . .
ELLE KENNEDY DID!!!!!!!!! She did it real good too.
So anyway, Hudson is all . . . .
And Conner is all . . . .
“Don’t fucking tease me . . . Trust me, you don’t want to open that door.” But she did. She really, really did.
And I was all like . . . .
Once Hudson knew how on the outside sex wasn’t just for sluts and whores but that women could enjoy it and initiate it and whathaveyou, Conner was all . . .
“There’ll be ground rules if you stay” She’d expected that. “Like what?” “I call the shots.” He smirked at her. “And that rule extends to the bedroom. I decide how fast we go, what we do, where we do it, who joins us.” A wicked gleam sparked in his eyes. “I get total control.”
And I was all . . . .
Clean up, aisle MY PANTIES.
Now, of course there were some WTF moments. Like, have you ever moaned just from taking a gander at a penis????? Yeah, me either. Let’s be honest, they’re not super attractive. You know what does make me moan???? This . . . .
For the most part, this one was pretty solid. There was an actual plot, which isn’t always a guarantee when reading smut, and the smut was like OFF. THE. CHARTS. smutty. It was also refreshing to have a “honey blonde” as the leading lady. No offense to my ginger pals, but y’all know you are about as rare as unicorns so you shouldn’t be the star of every single damn dirty story. And also . . . .
I mean, COME ON. Gigi Hadid is wicked hot. It’s nice to be able to picture her for a change.
I don’t have a friend to tag on this one because it was the library’s recommendation software that brought it to my attention. Nice to know even random bots on the interwebs recognize that I’m a filthy whore.
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