Monday, April 18, 2016

Ice Planet Barbarians by Ruby Dixon

25128811
3 Stars
 
IT'S A BOOK STARRING HORNY BLUE ALIENS!!!!!
Allow me to express my feelings with a dance . . .



In case you aren’t aware, I’m friends with a bunch of freaks. Go read their reviews if you want words – or stay here for the pictureshow.

All Georgie wanted to do after a hard day at work was go home, eat her Lean Cuisine and catch some zzzzzzzs. Unfortunately some little green men had a different idea in mind . . . .

Palm Springs commercial photography

Georgie wakes up to find herself on an alien spaceship with a bunch of fellow captives who soon realize they need to do whatever it takes in order to escape some seriously rapey guards who look a lil’ something like this . . . .



Lucky for them some turbulence helps their cause and they crash land here . . .

Palm Springs commercial photography

Sorta. Turns out the number of moons doesn’t match up, but winter is coming has come (or is permanent) and it’s cold as shit so they dub the land "Not Hoth." Since Georgie kicked so much of the basketballhead ass she gets nominated to go find help or food or whatever. And what does she find? Well, she finds she kind of sucks at being a hero and promptly gets captured – only to be awakened by a giant blue alien named Vektal who likes to make with the . . . .

Palm Springs commercial photography

Of her ladygarden.

WIN! Okay, it takes her about a minute day or two to change her mind about making with much of the sex, but once she does she discovers she has hit a veritable goldmine when it comes to magic peen because dudebrah’s comes equipped with not only like 17 inches, but also some nobby thing on the top that should remind most adult women of a very popular household appliance . . .



And I was like . . . .

Palm Springs commercial photography

She also teaches him to “mouth mate” which made me LOL for realz . . .

Palm Springs commercial photography

Then stuff and things happened with respect to all the other broads back on the ship and the world is built and you get all of the necessary info dumpy type of stuff out of the way so you can get to (hopefully) 100% pure shabbibidy dibbidy come the second book in the series.

Oh and in case you’re wondering, OF COURSE I pictured the giant blue alien to really look like this once they started making with the bang bang . . .

Palm Springs commercial photography

Many thanks to my oh-so-very porny Pal for bequeathing me this delightful little nugget. It’s awesome to have friends who understand that even buttholes like me deserve some smut in our lives : )

No comments:

Post a Comment