2 Stars
Somehow I’ve managed to live over five and a half dog years without ever reading a Dean Koontz novel. However, when I was presented with the opportunity to do a buddy read with . . .
I jumped at the chance. What do I have to say now that I’m finished?????
I mean LOTS better because I really had a pretty horrible time while reading this one. In case you too have spent decades ignoring Koontz, here’s the lowdown of what Watchers is about. We start with Travis, a supposed former Delta Force member who must have suffered some severe head trauma or something that made him no longer be awesome. Then we meetBella Swan Nora. Poor Nora is a special snowflake who was forced to live as a recluse by her crazy ass aunt. Now that evil Aunty has finally kicked the bucket, Nora can let her freak flag fly. Ha! Not really. Nora can pretty much only drone on and on and on and on about how difficult things were for her while Travis tells her how much she is smart, she is kind and she is important. (I would like it to be on the record that I will gladly volunteer as tribute to deliver the bitchslapping to Nora that she sooooooo deserves.) Finally, we get to meet the star of the show – a/k/a the smartest pooch ever grown in a lab. No offense el doggito, but there can only be one Einstein . . .
Anywho, the whole story is about how Travis finds supermutt and then finds Nora and fall into instalovey loveytimes and discover the Einstein is a real Einstein all while trying to keep it on the downlow that they have the dog everyone and their . . well dog is looking for while trying to avoid an abomination that was also created by the government known as “The Outsider” and not to mention not get whacked by a mafia hitman. You’d think with all that going on this would’ve been interesting, huh? Well, you’d be wrong ‘cause it was boring as shit. . . .
Basically this was eleventy trillion pages of a lesson on man’s inhumanity to man written by a dude who seriously had a thing for dogs. Like so much that I’m pretty sure he’s one of the people all the right-wing nutters were thinking about wanting to marry his pet when they were trying to keep gay marriage illegal.
Save your breath if you want to troll me. One thing I know for certain is . . .
Just ask Edward. Okay, maybe not him. Ask Shelby instead. I’d tell you to ask Delee but her interwebs is broke, Ron 2.0 disagrees with me 100% of the time out of spite and it will be October before he gets a review posted anyway, and Stepheny is on like Chapter 1 still so she doesn’t even know the snoozefest she’s about to subject herself to.
I jumped at the chance. What do I have to say now that I’m finished?????
I mean LOTS better because I really had a pretty horrible time while reading this one. In case you too have spent decades ignoring Koontz, here’s the lowdown of what Watchers is about. We start with Travis, a supposed former Delta Force member who must have suffered some severe head trauma or something that made him no longer be awesome. Then we meet
Anywho, the whole story is about how Travis finds supermutt and then finds Nora and fall into instalovey loveytimes and discover the Einstein is a real Einstein all while trying to keep it on the downlow that they have the dog everyone and their . . well dog is looking for while trying to avoid an abomination that was also created by the government known as “The Outsider” and not to mention not get whacked by a mafia hitman. You’d think with all that going on this would’ve been interesting, huh? Well, you’d be wrong ‘cause it was boring as shit. . . .
Basically this was eleventy trillion pages of a lesson on man’s inhumanity to man written by a dude who seriously had a thing for dogs. Like so much that I’m pretty sure he’s one of the people all the right-wing nutters were thinking about wanting to marry his pet when they were trying to keep gay marriage illegal.
Save your breath if you want to troll me. One thing I know for certain is . . .
Just ask Edward. Okay, maybe not him. Ask Shelby instead. I’d tell you to ask Delee but her interwebs is broke, Ron 2.0 disagrees with me 100% of the time out of spite and it will be October before he gets a review posted anyway, and Stepheny is on like Chapter 1 still so she doesn’t even know the snoozefest she’s about to subject herself to.
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