Monday, January 4, 2016

F*ck Love by Tarryn Fisher

3 Stars
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It all begins with a dream. Helena dreams of her future, but instead of her current serious boyfriend starring as her husband, it is her best friend’s boyfriend Kit in the role of leading male. Now, I admit I’ve had some dreams that seem realistic and have even had that “David After Dentist” moment when I’ve been super angry at my husband until I was able to clear the cobwebs and differentiate between what happened during R.E.M. and what was actually real life. Unfortunately I can’t say the same for Helena. Nope, after her kind of cuckoo and obviously very dreamy dream about Kit Helena just can’t let it go . . . .

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I mean, for real. For all the bashing of instalove that I’ve seen over the years, how the heck does this currently have a 4.48 rating? The bitch don’t even KNOW him and falls in lurrrrrrrrv. And then? Well then the story became The Opportunist version 2.0 . . . .

“Girls always choose men, and men always choose the wrong girls. It’s an endless cycle.”

The same tired tropes were troped out yet again – the “I can’t have him, but I want him and I’ll develop a “platonic” relationship in order to get him to see we are meant to be” and “whoops, I accidentally knocked this chick up who I don’t even love anymore but since I’m a pigman I have to continue having much of the sex with her anyway and also now I have to marry her.” (Sidenote: What f-ing year is it that people HAVE to get married because of a baby and seriously over half of all marriages fail anyway which sucks but you REALLY think you’re going to be able to pretend a happily-ever-after just because you have a kid? Uhhhhh, notsamuch.) And I can’t forget this is yet another Tarryn Fisher story with an attractive yet quirky female lead who is petite with waist-length, raven hair that is frequently tied in a top-knot who continually runs away from anything related to love and speaks in Harry Potter terminology. Basically, she has written herself. AGAIN.

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At this point you’re probably asking why I didn’t rate this lower. The simple answer is it’s because I have an enormous girl crush on Ms. Fisher . . .

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You’re damn right, Honey Boo Boo. This story may have been too familiar and too “beige” for my liking. However, I appreciated the lack of purple when it came to the writing and I’m 100% a basic bitch who gets sucked in by the right words if I read them at the right time . . .

“Stop saying my name. It gives me butterflies and I don’t trust you or your butterflies.”

I'm also fairly comfortable saying even though I read this on the second day of the new year it will win best title/cover combo of 2016 hands down.

What can I say? I’m merely a Muggle who is under Tarryn Fisher’s spell . . .

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(But I’m still ready for her writing to go back to the dark side.)

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