Fallen by Lauren Kate

1 Star

 

Hmmmm, I wonder what my friends thought of this one????

^^^^^“This should end well,” said no Mitchell ever.

Let me begin by swearing to all of you that I’m not becoming one of those “rage reviewers.” You know who I’m talking about. They are the people who seem to only choose books they know right from the jump they will hate and then write up a huge rant only to repeat the process over and over and over to infinity and beyond.

Fallen had actually been on my TBR since its release – along with eleventy billion other books and since it was YA and part of a series (which I have zero more evens for) it just kept getting bumped further and further down the stack. But thennnnnnnnnnnn 2016 rolled around and those damn “must read” lists started popping up all over my Facebook (this was on a "soon to be a movie" list) and they are my kryptonite and I get all “CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!” I also unapolagetically liked The Twilight Saga when I read it and this was supposed to be for “fans of Twilight” (I know boo hiss, whatevs) so I figured what the hell.

I did not realize the salespitch "for fans of Twilight” meant I was going to be reading Twilight 2.0. I mean Fallen followed the plot points of Twilight to a T. From the not-so-meet-cute between Bella and Edward errrr, I mean Luce and Daniel in the cafeteria . . .



to the saving of Bella’s errr DAMMIT! I mean Luce’s life from a runaway skull crusher . . .



to coming to her rescue and whisking her away in his fine automobile . . .



(okay, that part was a little different since he didn’t own a car and had to “borrow” the nearest jalopy he could find, but you get the picture.)

to showing her his mad skills . . . .



which, of course, meant Fallen was basically a kissing book . . .



I thought I was going to be lucky enough to escape the super creeper scene, but nope. No such luck . . .



We are talking this book was nearly a complete regurge of EV.ER.Y.THANG. Now, there were a few differences – like stuff actually happened in Twilight, but jackshit happened in Fallen. Bella and Edward errrr Luce and Daniel also attended a reform school rather than regular high school (but no details were ever really provided explaining why – that’s how they get suckers to buy all the other books in the series) which eliminated the need for meddling parental units from the story . . .



There also wasn’t a wicked hot werewolf love triangle thrown in which really sucked for me (#teamjacob4eva) . . . .



And although the love could be described as “insta” it made a bit more sense since the two had loved and lost each other for centuries so the combo of deja vous and horny teen made it a bit less pukey. Also, the chicks who friended Luce weren’t total assholes like Jessica and Daniel wasn’t a vampire. Instead he was . . .



Ha! I keeeed. He was an angel.

On any other day this might have earned 2 Stars from me, but when a story makes me appreciate the fact that an unpolished turd like 50 Shades really WAS simply “inspired” by Twilight and not a blatant ripoff I’m like . . .



So it only gets 1.