The Drive-In by Joe R. Lansdale

4 Stars

Let’s all go to the movies, let’s all go to the movies . . . . 



“Think about it for a moment. Set your mind clear and see if you can imagine a drive-in so big it can hold four thousand automobiles. I mean, really think about it. Four thousand.” 

The Orbit is the biggest drive-in movie theater in Texas. It’s also the destination for Jack and his buddies one Friday night. The fellas plan on chowing down on candy, cookies and “bloody” corn while watching such classics as these . . . .

during the all-night horrorfest that will play from dark ‘til dawn. Things don’t work out quite as planned, however, and they end up watching something more like this instead . . . 



Which results in the drive-in being the only place left as far as the eye can see. Bonus? There’s no escape. Hope those cats enjoy popcorn . . . 



Much to my chagrin, this was my first Lansdale experience. Cut me some slack here – he’s been on my TBR list since Jesus was a toddler. When I saw my buddy Dan reading this one I immediately bullied him into lending me a copy. (#worthit #bully4life) This had a little bit of everything that makes a great B-Movie - horror, gore, humor and a whole mess of ewwwwwww. This was also my first experience with bizarro fiction and it most definitely won’t be my last. Won’t be my last Lansdale either ‘cause this mofo’s writing had me hooked straight from the jump. 

Stay tuned because Dan’s re-read has a couple of other nutters gearing up to join this party . . . . 

Nothing Bad is Going to Happen by Kathleen Hale

3 Stars

“Everyone is wanting to kill Kippy. It is her destiny.” 

I imagine the reaction of most Goodreads users upon seeing someone reading Ms. Hale’s books looks a little something like this . . . 



Oh yes. I did. I know who the author is. I know what she did. I wrote a friggin’ thesis paper on it in my review of her first book HERE (or read Hunger for Knowledge’s review instead since everyone knows I’m an a-hole). I still can’t wrap my brain around why the heck what happened even happened, but I’m not going to beat a dead horse about it. At this point in time I am simply a reader who hopes to actually like the books I’m reading. (Another thing I can’t wrap my brain around are the users who actively seek out books they knowthey will hate – only so they can rage out about it. What a waste of time.) I was shocked at how much I enjoyed No One Else Can Have You and I knew I would be one of the first (maybe only hehehehe) people to read the sequel. 

Nothing Bad Is Going To Happen picks up where book one left off. Kippy Bushman has solved the murder of her best friend and is looking forward to being a regular teenager. Her main goal is to finally lose her V-Card and she’s pulling out the big guns for some expert advice on how to make it perfect . . . 



Things don’t go as planned, however, when Kippy shows up for her big night with her boyfriend Davey only to find him surrounded by pills and empty beer bottles . . . 

“Here I am, just some girl trying to get boned, and instead I have to hunt down a killer. Again.” 

^^^^Hehehehehe. 

So what did I think? Well, like most sequels I didn’t enjoy this as much as the original. Kippy lost a little of her charm for me (but the Libby and Rosa characters definitely helped fill the gap). It wasn’t as . . . . sharp (????) as the original either. The humor was a little less edgy and the “dark” plot points were pretty O.T.T. that seemed to be thrown in for shock and awe factor. That being said, I still read this puppy cover to cover without ever wanting to put it aside and I remain interested in seeing what Ms. Hale might write next (assuming she moves on from Kippy – cause I don’t do book threes). Bottom line is if your idea of a movie marathon includes stuff like this . . .







Kathleen Hale might write the YA book for you. The Coen brothers are the only weirdos I can even think to compare her stuff to.

Final thought: Like I said with the first book, I totally get anyone who isn’t interested in reading this author’s books, along with any method of shelving/rating-without-reading users choose. I only ask two things: (1) respect my (and anyone else’s) right to read these books (I’m lucky enough to live in a metro area with two different library systems so me reading “blacklisted” books lines the author’s pocket with zeros of dollars) and (2) if you’re going to hold one author to a certain standard, you should hold ALL authors to the same standard. “Authors” who use GR to constantly hate on other writers/their books or post rage-filled status updates attacking users for the way they choose to rate books might be just one step away from the showing up at someone’s door kind of crazy . . . 

“Hate and love are both obsessions. You can’t hate someone without caring, too.” 

Shelter Dogs in a Photo Booth by Guinnevere Shuster

4 Stars

Well OF COURSE I had to take a peek at this dang thing. And a portion of the proceeds go to charity????? You can bet your ass I’ll be buying a copy of this one for the coffee table. There's not much to say about this little book - it's pictures of dogs taken in a photo booth with a little blurb about how they ended up in the shelter along with their adoption date. Like this . . . 



^^^^Yes please. He comes to live with me now okay?????

If you haven't considered adopting a dog, there's probably something wrong with you. Ha! I keed. Sorta. Seriously, though, shelter dogs are the best. Just look at some of the great personalities you can find if you take a look . . . 



^^^^A face only his mother could love ; ) 



^^^^Don't even waste your time. Shelby already has every dog agency in the country on notice that they might as well just drop these guys off at her house.



^^^^Hehehehe. 'Nuff said.



^^^^I think he got adopted by a family from Colorado.



^^^^If I get reincarnated when I die I'd like to be this guy.



^^^^#hooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwl. Ahhhhhh, sweet revenge for the yappy ass neighbor dog! 

Anywho, this is a great little book for a great cause. 

I would be remiss if I didn't share my own shelter dog. Many of you know that I have an affinity for undead pets. For maybe the only time ever those critters will not be the focus of the images contained in this review. Today I take my inspiration from the book and present to you MY shelter dog, Harvey . . . 


(Go Hawkeyes)

Well, actually I have two mutts, but due to the fact that he’s 100% certain the camera is a way to steal his soul this is about the most you’re ever going to see of Bad Bad Leroy Brown . . . 



And while Harvey may not be the BEST dog ever (he eats his own poop and humps the cat incessantly), I couldn't imagine life without him. Welllll, sometimes when I'm trying to read and the kids aren't home I might let my mind wander a bit . . . 



But aside from those few hours each week, he's pretty great.Man's Boy's best friend and all that jazz . . . 



NO DJANGO! STAY UP THERE WITH THE SMALL HUMAN OR HARVEY WILL HUMP THE CRAP OUT OF YOU!!!!!!

Many thanks to Jan for being the first to turn all of us crazy pet hoarders onto to such a wonderful little book!

ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. 

Thank you, NetGalley!

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith

4 Stars

When I saw the theme of the winter library challenge was “Classics Re-Mixed” I knew Pride and Prejudice and Zombieswas going to be one of the five books I would read – or in this case re-read. I’m not a “re-reader” by nature, but P&Pis one of my all-time faves that I own as a leather bound collection, a $7.00 B&N cheapy collection, a hardback and one I actually allow myself to read. Adding in the Zs to this timeless classic just made everything old brand new again for me.

The original was written over two hundred years ago and there are one and three-quarter MILLION ratings on Goodreads for it, so obviously I probably don’t need to go into detail when it comes to the synopsis. To briefly sum it up here's a snippet from the publisher’s blurb: P&P is about the “splendidly civilized sparring between the proud Mr. Darcy and the prejudiced Elizabeth Bennet as they play out their spirited courtship in a series of eighteenth-century drawing-room intrigues.” Seth Grahame-Smith’s version pays homage to the original – maintaining the cast of characters, storyline, the style of writing, etc. He simply adds a little something extra to the re-mix . . . 

KATANAS!!!!!!

Everything else remains true. Elizabeth is still a feisty female voice that women can applaud, Mr. Darcy remains a proud and arrogant male counterpart, who still somehow maintains dreamboat status . . . 

#swoon And I’m choosing THIS gif because Mr. Firth is the only Darcy for me thankyouverylittle. But look who has a part in the movie . . . 

The Doctor! Totes adorbs. 

If you don’t like the original, you most likely will not like the modernization either. But if you do? I highly recommend checking out Grahame-Smith’s version. He’s pretty much a genius when it comes to re-writing history.

Oh, and in case you’ve been following this was my FINALbook for the Winter Reading Challenge. THE LIMITED EDITION COFFEE MUG IS NOW MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!

Many thanks to the library in the ‘burbs for putting on such a fun challenge. Let the countdown to next year begin!

ORIGINAL "REVIEW":

I don't always re-read books (well actually I hardly ever do), but when I do I make sure to kick it old school, first generation Nook style because I'm too cheap to buy another copy and my library waiting list is too long . . . 

Confessions of a Triple Shot Betty by Jody Gehrman

3 Stars

As many of you know by now, I am currently in the midst of my annual quest to obtain free crap from the local libraries. The metro library’s challenge? Shakespeare retellings. And the prize????



*glugluglugluglugluglugluglug*

This stop is a revamped, YA version of Much Ado About Nothing. In case you aren’t familiar with the original, a brief summary for Confessions of a Triple Shot Betty goes a lil’ sumthin’ like this . . . .

“Amber loves John.
John wants Hero.
Hero loves Claudio.
Geena and Ben are archenemies.
But not for long . . .” 

Now buckle your seatbelts and let me take you in the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back machine to a time where MySpace was the shiznit and fancy coffees only cost $2.00. Geena and her bestie Amber work at the Triple Shot Betty coffee shop. It’s summer break and Geena’s cousin Hero will be returning home from boarding school to join the Betty crew. Geena can’t wait for the three to hang out together all summer. There’s only one problem – Amber and Hero hate each other. Throw in a jealous wanna-be boyfriend, a sexy foreign exchange student, and an arch nemesis in the roles of leading men and things get a little convoluted.

Much Ado About Nothing is one of my favorite works by Shakespeare. Call me an easy sell, but I like his comedies and I looooooove all the romance and the love/hate and the misunderstandings in that one. Betty wasn’t too bad of an adaptation either and would make a great teenage RomCom. It combined a little D.U.F.F. . . . 



with a little John Tucker Must Die . . . 


(You’re welcome)

and, of course, since it was a Shakespearean knock-off, it made me think a little about this . . . 

 
(Look at lil’ JGL. If that don’t make you feel like a pervert, I don’t know what will. Also, if you aren't familiar - 10 Things I Hate About You is a modern version of The Taming of the Shrew. There's a little bit of worthless knowledge that will never come in handy unless you're playing trivia in a bar one day.)

This book wasn’t anything totally life-altering, but it did present some quality life lessons such as: (i) just because a girl appears to be comfortable in her skin, it doesn’t mean she really is; (ii) it’s only human to sometimes judge a book by its cover – the important thing is to realize when you’ve been acting an ass – unless it’s when you’re making this type of judgment . . . 


(100% accurate)

(iii) if someone talks shit about one of your friends you should absolutely retaliate teen movie style (i.e., public humiliation); (iv) never write off these guys . . . 



because you don't know when you might need them; and most importantly (v) . . . 

“I may die with my hymen intact, but at least I’ll have my dignity.”

Attagirl! There’s nothing wrong with having sex (once you’re the age of consent #momtalk), but there’s nothing wrong with NOT having it either.

If you’re looking for something on the fluffier side of young adult, this might be a winner. It’s guaranteed to make you have a few grins . . . 

“‘Are you cold?’ he asked in a whisper, running his hand lightly along my arm.

I looked down and saw a long trail of goose bumps stretching from my shoulder to my wrist. Worst, my nipples were standing at attention, just like they had in the frozen food aisle. My body is so disloyal. ‘I guess I am. Probably because my underwear’s all wet.’

The second it was out of my mouth, I cringed.

‘You know – from the pool,’ I amended, but it was too late.” 



I also have to mention that this book has a SCRATCH AND SNIFF COVER!!! Ermagherd. My inner child had a flashback to the days of sticker collecting and coveting the scratch-n-sniffs. (Why was there such a market for toys that smelled back in the dark ages? Stickers, Cabbage Patch Kids that smelled like baby powder, Strawberry Shortcake dolls that smelled like . . . well, kind of like ewwww for the most part.) You KNOW I peeled the library’s cellophane wrapper off this sumbitch to take a whiff. Good stuff. 

This selection was chosen as part of the library’s Winter Reading Challenge. Only FOUR more books and the limited edition beer mug will be MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!

Bound by Donna Jo Napoli

2 Stars

It’s not even February and I’m already eight reviews behind for the year. There’s not gonna be a whole lotta thought thrown in to this one. So basically, it’ll be just like all of my other reviews. 

Bound was another tale that fell under the criteria for the library challenge “Classics Re-Mixed.” The spin this go ‘round was on the story of Cinderella. Xing Xing was once a cherished first daughter, but since the death of both of her parents she has been turned into pretty much a servant for her wicked stepmother and evil half-sister. Basically Xing Xing’s life resembles something kinda like this . . . 



But Xing Xing doesn’t let the situation get her down. She spends as much time as she can sneaking secret enjoyment for herself – like practicing calligraphy and visiting the beautiful fish who lives in the pool where she fetches water for the family. Xing Xing is most definitely the Taylor Swift of orphans . . . .



As the village prepares for the annual festival, Xing Xing’s stepsister readies herself to finally meet her husband and Xing Xing readies herself for more of the same ol' shit. But when a [really pretty horrible spoilery thing happens] Xing Xing decides SHE will attend the festival as well. Unfortunately before Xing Xing has a chance to really enjoy herself she is spotted and must make a quick break for it . . . .



And in the process loses a shoe. Wouldn’t you know it, the Prince had attended the festival and has his mind made up that whoever fits the shoe shall be his wife. You know the rest . . . .



My lack of enjoyment of this story is most likely my own fault. I’ve said before I’m not a big fan of the “Disney Princess” stories and this one was a little too like the original for me to totally get on board. I don’t know what to say for myself except if I went to the ball I’d want to get my drink on and not have some super creeper who I never even met before occupying all my time on the dance floor. Thanks, but . . . 



This selection was chosen as part of my library’s Winter Reading Challenge. Only ONE more book and the limited edition coffee mug will be MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!