Swamp Thing by Scott Snyder, Yanick Paquette (Illustrator), Marco Rudy (Illustrator), Victor Ibañez (Illustrator), Sean Parsons (Illustrator), Michel Lacombe (Illustrator)

3 Stars

 

So allllll of the Shallow Comic Book Readers who have read this gave it 4 Stars . . .



(Even Sam and he hates everything.) I didn’t not like it, I was just kind of . . .



(^^^^Look at me! What a P.I.M.P. I got 99 problems and finding the graphic novels I want to read at my library is definitely one.)

I am admittedly not a superhero comic reader fan (which Jeff is well aware of), so when I started Raise Them Bones and found this . . . .



happening on the second page I was concerned I’d have to go kick some ass. Turns out those fellas were just making a cameo appearance, though, and I didn’t have to kill Jeff after all too bad.

Alec Holland is reborn as a man, but is haunted by vague memories of his time as the Swamp Thing. While attempting to get back to some semblance of a normal life he is continually called by “The Green” and is haunted by images of a white-haired woman. When said woman appears, it is to enlist Holland’s help in stopping a terrifying bubble boy . . .



Yep, you heard me right. A terrifying bubble boy who has the ability to raise an army of the dead. It’s up to Holland to figure out if he should help this mysterious woman from his past or listen to the advice of the Parliament of Trees instead . . .



This was a good start (hence the 3 Stars – 3 = good). My problem was that basically this was merely a reintroduction to Swamp Thing and not a whole lot happened. I am well aware that this is my problem since I am a comic newbie. I’m cool with this kind of “story without really being a full story” thing when it’s a library book (as was the case here), but if I had shelled out my hard-earned cash I would have been pretty bummed. Those dollar bills don’t just stuff themselves in my underdrawers, ya know?!?!?!?!

Anyway, assuming my library actually obtains Volume 2, I would most definitely be down for reading it. Raise Them Bones was a solid start, Snyder is Snyder and knows how to write, the artwork was pretty phenomenal throughout . . .



heck even Mitchell’s cousin Bruce had a panel or three . . .



which all made for some fun times.

Grave Mercy by Robin LaFevers

2 Stars

 

Upon starting Grave Mercy things were going swimmingly . . .

“You would not expect a queen to wash her own clothes or lace her own gown, she has handmaids for that. And so it is with us; we serve as handmaids to Death. When we are guided by His will, killing is a sacrament.”

My inner bunneh was all like . . .



But then the MC was given the assignment that I thought would be the driving force throughout the book, only to find out what was really going to happen was not how I had imagined . . . .

“He blinks, ‘If you are not careful, I will begin to think you are enamored of me.’ At his words, something flutters happily in my breast, pleasure, perhaps.”

And I was all like . . .



So here’s a chick who was raised with an abusive father who pawns her off to the highest bidder who OF COURSE couldn’t wait to smack the shit out of her as well – gets rescued from said abuser’s house before he has a chance to rape and beat her – is transported to a convent where she discovers she is TOTALLY kick-ass/immune to poison/has the ability to see the mark of death on a person/etc. – is trained to become an assassin – and then gets sent on an assignment only to become smitten with the dude who may actually end up being the bad guy . . .



Talk about a real bait and switch. It was like going to pick up your brand new blue sports wagon and instead walking away with . . .



Grave Mercy could be used as an exhibit of why YA books get a bad rap. For the love of Tom Cruise, why do authors assume young people are stupid? Talk about a story that was 100% predictable. I. SAW. EVERYTHING. COMING. From the bad guy (view spoiler)[(hide spoiler)] to that stupid f*&^%g ending. (view spoiler)[SAVED BY THE VOODOO PUNANY?!?!?!?!?(hide spoiler)]



If you’re looking for a story with a lot of stabby, run far far away. On the other hand, if you enjoy a novel that takes you in the wayback machine and deals with romance and intrigue in the Royal Court, you’ll be like the 95% of my Goodreads friends who thought this one was a big winner.

Bull Mountain by Brian Panowich

5 Stars

 

The biggest perk of Goodreads is easily discovering books that might never have made it to my TBR list were it not for seeing a friend’s review. I have a lot of friends who read quality stuff, but when Shelby and Ron 2.0 agree on something? That’s a book I need to read pronto. Now that I’ve read Bull Mountain I’m going to do something I’ve never done before – I’m telling y’all if there’s one book you should read this year, this is it.

“Stop thinkin’ you can right something that was born wrong.”

The Burroughs family carved their niche in the world on Bull Mountain – a picturesque piece of land in North Georgia . . . .



It was there the family started running that good ol’ Georgia Peach back during prohibition . . .



As times changed, so did the family business - eventually evolving into an enterprise producing crops from thousands of acres of land . . .



The present-day Burroughs are serious high rollers. The product has morphed yet again . . .



but the stakes have become much higher, leading the family to form an association with some fellas from Florida . . .



and the Feds are closing in.

Bull Mountain tells the tale of this one-of-a-kind family. With a timeline that spans the 1950s to the present and a true ensemble cast of characters that is woven together seamlessly with twists and turns I never saw coming – this book will easily go down as one of the top five books I read all year.

“Sins of the father run deep. Family bonds, right?”

Prince of Thorns by Mark Lawrence

4.5 Stars

 

“War, my friends, is a thing of beauty. Those as says otherwise are losing.”

If George R.R. Martin wrote young adult stories, they’d probably end up a little something like Prince of Thorns. In the first four pages the reader is exposed to raping and pillaging and beheadings . . .



The Prince of Thorns is Prince Jorg – a boy who watched his mother and younger brother get murdered and who was pretty much left for dead by his father, the King. Jorg had other plans, however . . . .

“I swallowed darkness, and darkness swallowed me.”

Rather than dying he took to the road, where he learned from the Brothers how to survive – and how to kill . . .

“The stink of death comes in many flavours, but I like to think I recognize the Reaper in all his guises.”

It is now time for Jorg to return home, to face the demons that haunt him, and to reclaim his right to the throne . . .

“This is where it starts. When they write the legend, this will be the first page.”

Is it wrong to maybe want a rapey 14-year old Prince to be your book boyfriend? If so, then it’s definitely NOT ME who feels that way. It’s Mitchell. I loved this book. Talk about a change of freaking pace from the usual Mary Sue and her insta-loving self. Not only was Prince of Thorns filled with characters I should have hated (but of course ended up loving), it was action-packed from the first page to the last and even included a twist that made me all . . . .



I liked this so much I’m going to read the second book in the series – and I NEVER read the second book in the series. I just have to see what Jorg gets up to next. The only complaint I really have is the back-and-forth timeline. I think this story could have been told with a prologue in the present time, then a flashback to four years prior, and continued from there until it was back in the present again. (Of course, that’s most likely because I personally think the wonky timeline thing is too overused.)

Alright, so there’s my big swoony review. On the flipside, please note that a ton of my GR friends 1 Starred this sucker. If you are a freak like Mitchell and myself jump right in. If not? Don’t blame me when you hate it. And also, I’m not sure how this puppy is categorized most places, but my library has it shelved as both YA and Fantasy. Don’t let young children read this. Not only is it not appropriate, but . . . .



(^^^^Ha! That ought to earn me some friends.)

Punch Bowls & Pitcher Drinks by Clarkson Potter

4 Stars

 

What says summer like watermelon, pool-time fun and SHARKS????



Yes sharks. Duh. The debut Sharknado 3: OH HELL NO! was most definitely representative of summertime fun and was a monumental enough occasion for me to finally get off my dumper and mix me up a tasty concoction from Punch Bowls & Pitcher Drinks. Since watermelons are currently pretty much being given away in my neck of the woods, what better cocktail to create than some Watermelon-Tequila Punch. I started things off by inviting my bestie over to help me . . .



Ha! I keeeeeed. I don’t even like Rachel Ray. Just hearing her utter the phrase “EVOO” makes me want to sic Mitchell on her. Anyway, I really began by creating my own punch bowl using the watermelon carcass . . .



Ha! I kid again. Why the f*&^ would anyone bother to get all carvey when a watermelon already comes in keg form????



Talk about an easy and delicious recipe. Watermelon, tequila, some lime, and sugar had me going . . . .



(My hangover finally went away and I was able to finish watching Sharknado 3 last night. It was life-altering.)

ARC provided by Blogging for Books in exchange for an honestly drunken review

 

Fairest In All the Land by Bill Willingham

3 Stars

 

In case you aren’t aware, I’m more than bit of a graphic novel noob. I pretty much request whatever the library has available (which is basically next to nothing). Imagine my surprise when I found out Fairest In All the Land is a standalone story written by a guy who has like eleventy thousand other “Fairest” stories . . .



This one works great if you’re like myself and would prefer your princess tales to include a bit more of the ol’ stabby stabby. Fairest In All the Land is told in two parts. It begins with a bit of history from the Magic Mirror . . . .



and then jumps to “real life” where the ladies of the Magic Kingdom are dropping like flies. It’s up to “Cindy” . . . .


(She’s not really, but come on – you know I’m going to use that .gif)

to figure out the whodunit. Along the way she’ll receive help from some unique friends . . .



and will have to fight not only to solve the mystery, but also in order to stay alive . . .



For the most part, I found Fairest In all the Land to be quite entertaining. As a noob, I’m not familiar (or comfortable) with the “changing of the guard” type of illustrations every few pages so that took away a bit of my enjoyment. I will say, though, that when that art was working, it was seriously working . . . .



There was even a little sumthin’ sumthing for perverts Jeffs, Lonos, Seans and Gavins . . .



All in all a fun read and I’ll definitely be diving in to more of Willingham’s Fables and Fairest volumes whenever I come across them. If this doesn’t sound like your idea of a good time? Well . . .

 

 

Skinner by David Bernstein

2 Stars

 

“There had to be others involved. A sick family of Texas Chainsaw-like wannabes. Some backwoods family of cannibals.”

^^^Yeah, you would think a story about six friends going on a trip together through the mountains and having their car break down would have some of that, right?????



This was obviously a case of me assuming the book was going to go in one direction and it going another, so take my review with a grain of salt. I just can’t help myself. When I see people saying a book reads like a “B Movie” Mitchell and I get all excited and expect quite a bit of . . .



Especially when things like this are discussed . . .

“The old man held the bundled-up flesh suit in his arms and admired his work intensely.”

Skin suits?



EXACTLY, Martha! It’s a good thing.

So when the story ended up heading in a different direction . . . .



and got all “wolfy” to boot . . . .



Whoops. How did that get there? Uhhhhhhhh, I’ll just go ahead and leave it for a minute or two . . .

*3 hours later*

Where was I? Oh yeah, Skinner simply didn’t deliver what I was hoping it would. The plot failed for me, the bad guy, the lack of gore. It just didn’t work : (

ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. 

Thank you, NetGalley!

Ugly Love by Colleen Hoover

4 Stars

 

“That’s how it is when a person develops an attraction toward someone. He’s nowhere, then suddenly he’s everywhere, whether you want him to be or not.”

Is this what a midlife crisis looks like??? WTF is happening to me?!?!?!?! Did CoHo slip some quaaludes into this book????



Where do I even begin? Let’s start with how I don’t put any weight on the Goodreads ratings of a book before I decide to read it. Especially when said book falls in the NA/romance/erotica category. There are so many fangirls who follow the authors in these genres who begin 5 Starring books as soon as they are announced, but are barely more than an idea that the rating is always padded. (I won’t get into the bumping of these non-reviews for months on end before the final product is actually released – do people get paid to be professional fans?) I do, however, glance at the ratings of my friends/people I follow – and this one didn’t do so great. LOTS of 1 Stars. Zoinks! However, the thousand degree temperatures were going to break for a day, I wanted to sit outside with a frosty beverage and read fluff, CoHo writes well (even when it’s a book I end up hating), and Ugly Love was available in paperbook format for immediate checkout from the library so it was the winner.

I’m gonna go ahead and get the bad stuff out of the way. I realize that it has become a CoHo calling card of sorts to write her stories with chapters that alternate between both the female and male MC’s perspectives. I also understand that Miles’ story needed to be told somehow. I just HATED the way he told it! His narration style that began as soon as the name “Rachel” was announced was all very “the most beautiful sound I ever heard” . . . .



and it made me want to puke. I’m not opposed to free association style or writing in verse, but this was just like . . . centered on the page paragraphs. What was the point? To give definitive, identifiable proof that he was the angstiest star-crossed lover who ever loved? Blech! Not to mention the fact that “Flashback Miles” was sooooo one-dimensional. His backstory could have easily been revealed without those horrible chapters at all. (I’m telling you, this could have received all 5 Stars from me if my fantasies of making much of the sexy with Miles Archer wouldn’t have kept getting interrupted by the boner killer version of Miles Archer.)

Alright. Now that that’s out of the way, I’ll move on to what I loved (and what everyone else hated – whoops). Like nearly all romance books Ugly Love featured a tired trope. This time it was one of my faves . . . .



I know many people hate the “friends with benefits” storyline with a passion, but I dig it. The only thing I didn’t like? Tate’s initial reaction:

“He just admitted that he wants to have sex with me; he just doesn’t want it to lead to anything. I don’t know why this flatters me. It should make me want to punch him.”

Why? Why isn’t it okay for two people who find each other attractive to have sex? I mean, I know in a romance novel things will get convoluted and yada yada yada before the big happily ever after, but in real life? Why not? Hell, if I was the one who moved across the hall from Miles Archer????



The bit of self-doubt aside, I loved Tate and she made me chortle several times . . .

“You want to have sex with me? I’ll totally let you. A lot.”

Speaking of sex. This was my first encounter with actual sex scenes rather than the fade-to-black kind I have found in all of the other New Adult books I’ve read. Let me tell you CoHo can write some sex. Holy hell – did someone turn the heat up???? I squick out sooooo easily with talk about the various “C” describing words and “climate control” problems of a lady’s nether-yay-ya. Ugly Love had none of that. It was just H.O.T. . . . .

“He loses his smile and takes three deliberately slow steps toward me. I stop smiling, because he is seriously intimidating. When he reaches me, he places his hands on either side of me, then leans in close to my neck. ‘It’s been six years, Tate. Believe me when I tell you . . . I’m ready.’”

After that I was all like . . .



Maybe this was just the right place/right time for me. Maybe I finally drank some of that CoHo Kool-Aid. Who knows? All I know is I’m glad I kept giving Hoover’s books a shot and Miles Archer most definitely got me ready for take-off ; )




(Oh, and also because of this review Mitchell isn't speaking to me at the moment. I'm trying to win him back by reading about a 13-year old rapey prince who also enjoys the stabby-stabby. Wish me luck!)