Thursday, April 30, 2015

Boring Girls by Sara Taylor

1 Star
Everyone else liked this. Seriously? Is this a prank? Did I read the same book you did???? I want to exchange this one for the one you all read, ‘cause my version was a real pile of shit.

Obviously I’m taking the road less traveled and posting a hate-a-riffic review. Consider yourselves warned . . .

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“I thought you were sick of boring girls.”

I am. Good lord believe me, I am! Let me just wrap this bitch up real quick and I’ll never speak of them again. Here goes. Boring Girls is the story of Rachel, a teenaged girl trying to discover/express herself via clothing/music/make-up/hairstyle/etc. who always felt alone until she met fellow outsider, Fern. (Now is the time where I need to borrow some of your eyeballs, ‘cause after the deadly duo began their friendship I rolled mine so many times they’re stuck in the back of my head and it’s damn hard to type this review when I can’t see.)

Okay, so the girls meet, they bond in the solidarity of their lonerishness, etc. and since they both like to listen to heavy metal music, they figure they should probably play metal music and decide to form a band (*eye roll*). Said band is filled with kids who have never really played before, but of course are immediately amazeballs (*eye roll*) and definitely are awesome like this . . .

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and not like this . . .

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And even though Rachel has been absolutely cursed (*eye roll*) with parents who dared to give a shit . . .

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she somehow always manages to convince them to let her do whatever she wants. Even though she’s only 15 years old and the stuff she wants to do isn’t always safe (*eye roll*). Which leads us to the superbadawful and finally at the SIXTY-SIX FUCKING PERCENT point we get to the damn moment that will be the catalyst for the epic “revenge story” promised (*eye roll*). More awesome stuff happens - like being asked to go on tour, because that’s generally how things work for girls who want to pull the stabby-stabby on their perpetrators a bunch of nobodies who form a band in a podunk town – they conveniently get offered things like “gigs” and tours and record contracts without really working for them (*eye roll*).

I should’ve known when I scrolled by a couple of comparisons to another real piece of crap that was just released that this probably wasn’t going to be the book for me. However, I already had the ARC so it was a done deal that I would have to read it. I hated everything about this story. The entire thing seemed so contrived. From the horribly forced dialogue and situation set-ups, to the non-stop detailing of EVERY. SINGLE. MUNDANE. ITEM. – until the superbadawful . . .

“I can’t get into what happened after he put his hand over my mouth. I really can’t.”

OF COURSE YOU CAN’T (*eye roll*).

I’m sure all of the “feminists” out there are going to just rave about all of the “girl power” that is supposedly coming out of this story . . .

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Here’s the problem – when said girl power type of vibe is coming from a female lead who I wanted to punch in the face it doesn’t work out. She was completely delusional – and not in a good way like the sociopathic unreliable narrators I love to hate hate to love. It is a continual theme in this novel that Rachel is being dismissed/treated poorly in life the metal industry due to the fact that she is a woman.

“If more people treated assholes like assholes, then everyone could be a hero too.”

Dear Girls With Personalities Like Rachel: You’re not always treated wrong just because you’re a woman – sometimes it’s because YOU’RE A HUGE FLAMING ASSHOLE AND NO ONE LIKES YOU. Everyone would feel the same even if you had a penis . . .

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To top everything off, this book is another that claims to be soooooo “dark.” That only works if you’ve only read sunshine and rainbows and unicorn farts before this. It’s not dark. It’s angsty and whiny and blech. It presents the most ridiculous messages. Things like “it’s totes cool to kill some dudes who raped you rather than ever attempting to go to the cops/a hospital, but smoking is gross and you shouldn’t do it.” Is this real life???? And people liked this? No. Just no.

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