Thursday, November 14, 2019

The Art of Southern Charm by Patricia Altschul

32565583. sy475
3 Stars

Patricia Altschul is the reason why phrases like “YASSSSSSS QUEEN” were invented – although she’s way too classy to use such common language herself, I’m sure. In case you aren’t familiar, Miss Pat is the resident matriarch of my most favorite television viewing pleasure (notice I didn’t include the word “guilty” because I don’t feel the least bit guilty when I watch it) . . . . .

From her oh-my-lort-I-could-just-die-from-envy home . . . . .

To being chauffered through the McD’s drive-thru in her Rolls Royce.

To her line of “couture” . . . . .

To her seemingly endless quips that steal the show with her cameo appearances . . . . .

Miss Pat is everything I want to be when I grow up so of course I had to read this book. Obviously this is for fans who want to know more. While it does provide some high society sorts of pointers regarding etiquette, the truly interesting tidbits are learning about Patricia’s life and how she got to her current level of fabulosity.

My favorite selections had to be her least favorite things. Here’s a few . . . .

I don’t have anything nice to say about…
Toilet paper folded into points—and worse than that, toilet paper folded and topped with a sticker
Fake Christmas trees
(Sorry, Miss Pat!!!)
Man buns
Bringing untrained puppies to visit
People who don’t watch TCM (Turner Classic Movies)
French manicures
Women or men who wear too much cologne
Side boob

And Then There’s the End of Western Civilization…
Visible piercings
Underwear that’s worn in place of real clothing in public
Flip-flops, except at the beach

She also lets readers take a peek into her Kindle . . . .

Belgravia, by Julian Fellowes, the creator of Downton Abbey. I also loved his novel Snobs.
Crazy Rich Asians and China Rich Girlfriend by Kevin Kwan. Can’t wait for the next book in the trilogy.
The Knockoff by my friend Lucy Sykes
The Swans of Fifth Avenue by Melanie Benjamin Bright
Precious Days by Jay McInerney
Gertrude Bell, Queen of the Desert, Shaper of Nations by Georgina Howell
Under the Tuscan Sun by Frances Mayes
The Andy Cohen Diaries: A Deep Look at a Shallow Year and Superficial by the one and only Andy Cohen
Beach Music by Pat Conroy
Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil by John Berendt

And, for a psychotic Christmas decorator like myself, offers up some helpful advice when it comes to trimming the tree . . . .

While there’s no right or wrong way to trim a tree, here are a few practical tips: If you have a very large tree topper, as I do—I have a giant peacock with a sweeping tail on the top of my very tall tree (doesn’t everybody?)—the best way to attach it is to do so before the tree is set up. Use wire to secure the ornament, whether it’s a star, a bird, or something else that strikes your fancy, then position the tree in its stand.

She even lets you in on the secret behind the tastiest egg salad for your tea sandwiches . . . .


No comments:

Post a Comment