Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Reaper's Fire by Joanna Wylde

2 Stars

My husband said this one failed because I’ve been reading too many non-pornos lately. I say it failed because it was fucking stupid.

So the premise here was that “Cooper” (real name Gage, but he’s going all incognito) has moved to town in order to infiltrate of the various “sub clubs” or whatever the hell they call them. His way of getting access is by infiltrating the vagina of the sister of the miniclub’s President as well as a cover story that he’s going through a rocky divorce and wants to be close to his (imaginary) kids. He takes a job with Tinker (these effing names man, I’m telling you) as a handyman of the apartment complex she owns in exchange for free rent and some under-the-counter pay and immediately wants to do things like stick his finger up her butt (his words not mine), but can’t because the whole “LET’S DO IT FOR JOHNNY, MAN!” - errrrr, I mean let’s do it for the Club plotline.

So I figured I’d end up liking this just fine even with all the shenanigans. But then basically dudebrah banged some other chick for a solid half of the book before the two MCs got together and immediately flipped the script from being a real pussy slayer to a one woman man who wanted Tinker as his “old lady.” Not to mention the supposed superbaddanger reason for Gage/Cooper being sent to town to begin with wrapped up in about one page with pretty much zero details of WTF was even so terrible. (Please note I’ve read #1 and #4 of this series and this was #6 so all this shit was probably talked about in the missing volumes, but I do what I want and the term “series” has always been super loose in these types of pornos - meaning they should all work as standalones since they focus on different people each time.)

I appreciate the author trying something different, but it just didn’t work for me at all. And basically it was Gage/Cooper’s fault. I’m all for alpha males when it’s a story where they either ride motorbikes or howl at moon a few days a month, but this dude?????

Not only was half the book spent dealing with a gross attitude that “a wet hole was a wet hole,” but when he finally decided to come clean to Tinker he was more than a little too sure of himself (*cough* kind of rapey *cough*) forcing Tinker to have quite the Thelma and Louise moment . . . .

Not to mention his inner dialogue said things like how it . . .

“Imagined shoving a piece of caramel up her cunt just so I could suck it back out again.”

And there was also the issue of . . .

“Fire exploded as my dick met her stomach. I started grinding against her.”


I would give Reaper’s Fire 1 Star were it not for Tinker. Dumbfuck name and the fact that she ended up falling victim to the Magic Penis aside, she was my idea of a good female lead. Not only did she run her own successful business as well as ditch the zero who was her ex-husband, but she also cracked me up when dealing with the rumor mill which comes with small town living . . . .

“Yet another woman I’d gone to school with, because, God knows, you wouldn’t want to have any fucking privacy!”

“They could all kiss my ass.”

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