You Are Not Alone by Greer Hendricks and Sarah Pekkanen

3.5 Stars

I wrongread this author duo the first time, so I made sure to readjust my expectations before starting this one and it 100% was beneficial. If you ever went to camp or belonged to a theater group or something of the sort you may have played the game where one person tells a sentence of a story and the next person tells the next and on and on until you’ve made it around the circle and the tale has concluded. The entire point is to get as farfetched and away from the starting point as possible – either in an attempt to entertain or an attempt to derail the others in the game. That is how I feel about the Hendricks/Pekkanen writing style.

The premise here is that Shay witnesses a woman commit suicide via jumping in front of a subway in NYC and is unable to let the experience go. From attending her memorial to befriending her besties she finds what has been missing in her life. But these aren’t your average gal-pals and things get super twisty.

Basically, here’s what to expect. These two ladies write with the idea that . . . . .



You get the basic plot and then the storytelling starts to look a little more like . . . .



And by the time it’s all over . . . .



It is farfetched. It is over the top. It is a thrillery escapist timesuck. Kind of just what I was looking for while being trapped in my house with the army of humans I created who are now working against me : )

Quick and Easy 5-Ingredient Cookbook by Eileen Kelly

1.5 Stars

I know many people find it difficult to get a not-so-positive review to a book they received for free, but I am not one of those people. Especially when it comes to something like cookbooks that come with such a heavy price point. I am all for anything with the tagline “Easy” or “5 Ingredients” or “30 Minutes” and on and on, but I also think if people are going to purchase a cookbook rather than simply Googling recipes, it should be one they plan on falling back on time and again. Unfortunately, this probably isn’t that cookbook. From teaching how to make things that are easily purchased in stores (maple flavored breakfast sausage) to recipes that simply aren’t great (chocolate chip cookies made more like a Hello Dolly with sweetened condensed milk but missing the delicious coconut) to meals your family is sure to complain about (plain chicken breast thrown in a 425 degree oven), this simply didn’t have many appetizing selections . . . . .



Not to mention someone who needs help figuring out how to turn leftover taco meat into nachos probably isn’t going to have devices like immersion blenders or spiralizers in their cupboard.

No food pic because I didn’t want to make anything from this. Here’s my “quarantine station” instead . . . .



Copy received from Callisto Publisher’s Club in exchange for an honest review.

The Keeper by Jessica Moor

4.5 Stars

^^^^That’s me upon finishing this book (complete with the petite frame and good looks). But on a more serious note – WHERE THE HELL DID THIS COME FROM? Y’all should be pretty aware by now since I make note of it ALL. OF. THE. TIME. that I am not a fan of “face covers” and NONE of my Goodreads friends have read this. How the heck did I hear about it? I am perplexed. Anyway, who knows how I came to snag this from the library, but snag it I did and read just enough of the blurb to see that it was going to be about the discovery of a woman’s body near a bridge known for being a place where people commit suicide. Presumed to be the case here as well, however, as no suicide was found protocol must be followed by the local police in order to sign off and release the body.

I wouldn’t call this a literary thriller . . . . .

There is nothing particularly “literary” about the writing style. The story, though. Holy mackerel . . . .

Talk about taking a super-sensitive topic like domestic violence and just punching you in the face with it. From sheer brutality, to emotional abuse, to gaslighting, to stereotyping and bias, and all wrapped up in a mystery that at the end of the day doesn’t really even matter if it ends as a murder or suicide because everything else covered is so much more important, The Keeper is a difficult book to read, but one that does not shy away from its subject matter.

Highly recommended if you don’t mind dark themes in your thrillers.

Eight Perfect Murders by Peter Swanson

5 Stars

It sounds like something fictional, like something from a serial killer novel, or something from an Agatha Christie.
It certainly does. And really . . . .



Oh Peter Swanson, you are an old soul and my kindred spirit. Eight Perfect Murders is an homage to time gone by written by an oh-so-obvious booknerd (and boozenerd too with all the shoutouts to different beers/beverages). The premise is that quiet bookstore owner Mal is approached by an FBI agent regarding a series of unsolved murders. Mal isn’t truly considered a suspect, but it is suspect that whoever the killer is seems to be following an old blog post Mal wrote regarding what he believed to be “eight perfect murders” conducted in novels. From . . . .



to . . . .



to . . . .



And more, Mal becomes a bit of an advisor to the Feds while getting increasingly paranoid that he is the killer’s true target.

If you can’t tell from the references above, this is a tried and true murder mystery. It is in no way, shape or form any sort of a thriller. If you want unexpected twists and reveals that knock you off your feet, this is probably not the book for you. But if you looooooooooooooooooooooove old Hitchcock films and authors like Highsmith and Christie, Peterson Swanson might just become your new best friend. He might add to your TBR pile too like he did with me. Coming up soon? The Secret History

French Cooking for Beginners by Francois de Melogue

4 Stars

Apparently my reaction to pseudo-quarantine is to make sure everyone in the house is stuffed like Thanksgiving turkeys. I also think I accidentally bought a 10-lb bag of potatoes rather than 5-lb, but for the sake of me not looking like an idiot let’s go with the first reason.

So anyway, through no fault of my own aside from the fact that I am nothing if not a carer and nurturer, I ended up with enough leftover mashed potatoes to feed an army. Then this little beauty arrived and I discovered that when the kids asked what was for dinner, rather than saying Shepherd’s Pie which results in a reaction like . . . .



I could instead refer to the dish as Hachis Parmentier which had everyone going . . . .



Okay, not really, but I didn’t have to bash them in the face with a frying pan and they ate it without whining so that’s a win.

Here’s the “pretty” food pic – kind of hard to put lipstick on a meal that looks like a turd but it proves that I actually cook this stuff so keep giving me free shit publishers . . . .



Copy provided by Callisto’s Publishers Club

Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House by Eric Hodgins

3 Stars

My initial reaction to finding out the national treasure who is Tom Hanks had been diagnosed with the Coronavirus was . . . .



But then I got distracted when the news started showing clips of some of his movies and mentioned that this fave . . . .



Was a remake of another old fave . . . .



Which I should have been smart enough to realize, but somehow never put two-and-two together. When threats of the library shutting down temporarily sprouted, I went ahead and added this oldie but goodie to my wheelbarrow of checkouts. There’s not a whole lot to say about it. Mr. and Mrs. Blandings are New Yorkers raising a couple of kids and find themselves quite comfortable financially after he strikes gold writing ad copy for a popular laxative so they decide to build a house in the country. Connecticut is where they find their money pit and it’s one disaster after another until their $10,000 dream house is complete – at the cost of approximately $55,000.

It probably goes without saying that this book is exhausting to read. While it is humorous (and was based on the author’s own nightmares of building), it will wear you out with its over-the-top-ed-ness (new word). The plus side is the weird almost affair between Muriel Blandings and the family attorney Bill Cole does not exist in the paper format. (And can we just talk about that? Who would even consider banging uggo Melvyn Douglas when Cary Grant’s delicious dimple was in bed next to you????)

Anywho, get the book or not. I’m sure the author won’t care since he’s been dead for 50 years. I highly recommend checking out both films, however.

Poorly Drawn Lines and Comics for a Strange World by Reza Farazmand

4 and 3 Stars, respectively

When I heard rumors over the weekend of the library potentially shutting down due to COVID-19 I did what any crazy normal bibliophile would do – instantly drove from the ‘burbs to downtown in order to check out allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll the physical books I could hold – and I brought a kid with so we could double-down if necessary. (Speaking of double-down, I’m doing a twofer of Reza Farazmand comics here rather than separate reviews because even if the world is ending I will remain lazy.) I actually was seeking Nathan Pyle’s Strange Planet when I went to the “OneNorth Collections” location of the Central Branch. Alas, that popular little new release was not to be found – but both of these were. And how could I resist “Comics For A Strange World?” I mean hell, no better time than the present for that title, right?

Then yesterday I found myself in a situation I never would have imagined possible . . . .



Work from home? With my Funko girl squad? What?!?!?!?! Now don’t get it twisted that I don’t believe WFH to be a thing that should be encouraged/required at this moment in time. I just so happen to work in an industry that has historically been led by old white men who are allergic to technological development. The idea of staff not being in the office or that projects could be completed efficiently not in a cube-farm is something that was simply unfathomable. However, times have changed and project requests have evolved and whether the powers-that-be are on board or not, they were forced to comply so there I was clacking away in a “pants optional” environment. But what to do about a lunch hour? I mean, I was already at home so there was no need to escape. Instead I pulled these two little selections from the leaning tower o’library stack and had a chuckle or twelve.

Ernesto and Kev have, at minimum, a new fan and there’s about an 82% chance Kev and I were separated at birth (just waiting on that 23 and Me confirmation) . . . .



There’s nothing I enjoy more than a darkly humorous take on the world and these deliver in spades. As one of the blurbs states in the form of a grandfather explaining the internet to his grandchild . . . . .

“A vast network of millions of idiots. Together, the idiots created endless shitty ideas. It was a true renaissance of shit.”

If you find yourself tired of wading through the shit, I highly recommend picking up something funny as a tiny break from reality. Now is a time where it is more important than ever to take care of yourself . . . .



Keep your heads up. We’ll get through this.

My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell

2 Stars

When I was denied an advance copy of this selection, my initial reaction was . . . .



Which translates to “a disgusting garbage person with zero triggers who wants to read all of the potentially disturbing things.”

Luckily I live in a city with one of the greatest library systems imaginable and I was able to snag this from the “New and Notable” shelf before COVID-19 shut down the entire universe.. In case you aren’t aware of what My Dark Vanessa is about – it is the story of an affair between a 15-year old student and her 42-year old English teacher. It is presented in the wibbly-wobbly time format with chapters both in the present (2017 coinciding with #timesup) back to 2007 when the relationship began and gradually works its way back to the present. It was one of the most highly anticipated new releases of 2020 and is receiving rave reviews across the internet. So, of course I read it wrong.

I will concede that the content is “dark” (for lack of a better term). I’m not going to go into the realism of events or not due to the fact that I never had any personal experience with this subject matter. I can only assume it is fairly accurate in its depiction when it comes to a child being “groomed” and the feelings each party experiences in the immediate aftermath as well as for years to come. I will say, however, that although there are scenes of a graphic nature, it certainly didn’t come off as an attempt to titillate or for shock and awe. If you don’t read books as black as Mitchell’s soul on the regular, you’ll be flabbergasted. If you gravitate toward those types of stories already, this one probably isn’t going to have you clutching your pearls any more than any other novel containing squicky themes. The presentation was more matter-of-fact – a/k/a “this happened, this is how it happened, this is what was said while it happened, this is how I felt when it happened,” etc. It’s like one never-ending therapy session where the patient is stuck in a limbo of denial. If I ever interacted with other humans willingly I would love to sit in on a random book club and hear the conversations that could be generated after reading this – from the Me Too Movement to who gets the right to label someone a victim and exactly what equates assault/harassment/rape/etc. Assuming the room didn’t break out in fisticuffs, it would be a real eye opener regarding people’s individual opinions. It’s a shame Oprah got bullied into removing it as her March selection.

Realistically, though, this can’t receive more than 2 Stars from me due to the fact that it took me three solid days to trudge through it and I found my interest waning repeatedly. The writing certainly does not hold a candle to Nabokov (but if you take a drink every time he/his works are mentioned you’ll be in the ER getting your stomach pumped) and drones on and on for far too many pages with no progression ever made in the storyline. Bottom line I found it exhausting. Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut, I always give props to writers who are willing to take a risk and this book is most definitely risky so you go Glenn Coco.

I Was Told It Would Get Easier by Abbi Waxman

4 Stars

I Was Told It Would Get Easier is all about how . . .

Parenting teenagers is something of a shit show.

Jessica and her daughter Emily are taking a weeklong trip with a group of other parents and children to tour various East Coast colleges. The intention was for a bonding experience, but not only do Jessica and Emily seem to no longer speak the same language, but Jessica is dealing with multiple work crises and Emily is waiting for the shoe to drop regarding a cheating scandal at her high school.

While you don’t have to be a parent to relate to this one, it sure adds another dimension due to its relatability. Finding a balance between work and home life, raising a “normal” kid in a world full of overachievers and other types of parents . . . . .



And praying the worst thing that happens is you have someone like this living in your house . . . .



Rather than someone like this . . . .



Bottom line . . . .

It’s the world’s most wonderful and most terrible job, and if you do it well enough, you get fired.

And the greatest thing of all? My best friend Frances from Other People’s Houses makes a cameo appearance. To that I have only one thing to say . . . .



Waxman is definitely the queen of the "momcom."

Advanced copy provided by Berkley in exchange for an honest review.

The Beekeeper of Aleppo by Christy Lefteri

4 Stars

Oh look, it’s an immigration story written by a “white” person. With zero controversy surrounding its release and a 4.23 rating. Yeah, keep telling yourself the uprising about American Dirt wasn’t about the money. But I digress. The Beekeeper of Aleppo is the story of Nuri and Afra and their journey from Syria in attempts to seek asylum in Britain after the war breaks out and they lose everything. Both suffer from their own forms of PTSD and are haunted by what they have been through. Their story is one that kept me engaged throughout and I thought it was wonderfully written. This could have easily been a book I could see Oprah picking for her book club because it follows the format of family, superbadawful occurrences, a whole heap of misery and hopes for a happy-ish ending. Anyway, if you’re in to immigration stories that make you feel the feels, this is probably a selection you should check out.

Follow Me by Kathleen Barber

3.5 Stars

But people like Audrey would make you believe they are. Pushing a million followers and a new gig curating the social media behind an upcoming art exhibit’s release at the Smithsonian, Audrey has manufactured an enviable lifestyle for the masses on social media. Maybe she has put too much of her life out on the interwebs. Unexpected flower deliveries might be a little creepy when only a couple of people are supposed to know your new address, but open apartment doors and someone watching through your bedroom window are an entirely different situation.

So this was simply a great way to spend a few hours. Saturday was spent at the ball fields for the inaugural “Blue/White Scrimmage,” but Sunday I was freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee and it was so nice outside I decided to haul all of the deck furniture out of storage and get it set up – by myself . . . .



Then I sucked this puppy up like an Instagram influencer does Rosé. Again, not a lifechanger of a book – simply a delicious timesuck with a not-so-likeable potential victim as an added bonus for a creep like me. I breezed through this in a couple of hours. These social media stories have definitely become my jam recently. I’m obsessed with people’s obsession with followers and likes and sharing every detail of their lives with strangers. And yes I’m well aware of the fact that I post fairly religiously to this (nerdy, but still) social media site as well as a Bookstagram account so I may indeed be the pot calling the kettle black. I just hope if I’m as vapid and awful as Audrey someone wants to off me too.

This was my first Kathleen Barber, but it certainly won’t be my last. And for a little teeny bit of my own oversharing – turns out this author is from my hometown. To that I say . . . .

Flowers in the Attic by V.C. Andrews

I’m going to take a lesson out of my pal Nick’s playbook here and not rate this selection. What he says is 100% accurate – this series is terrible, but I love it anyway. I actually decided to revisit my youth last week after seeing both NZLisaM and Bark reading it while I waited with bated breath for either an early copy approval or the release date for another controversial story - My Dark Vanessa. (Spoiler Alert: I was finally officially denied an ARC, but it appears I am the first on the library waiting list so suck it NetGalley). But as I said, I’m not going to rate it and since there are nearly 150,000 others who have there’s not much point. I’m simply going to channel my inner Babs and say . . . . .



Today’s journey on the wayback machine will take you to a young Kelly who (much like old Kelly) was a voracious reader. So much so that she flew through the Little Golden Books in record time and was ready for chapter novels at quite a young age. Luckily, Kelly’s mother always had chapter novels on her bedside table – written by fiction queens such as Danielle Steele and Jackie Collins. Oh what page turners those ladies could write! But then Kelly’s mother caught her and said “ohhhhhhh hell naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah – those are definitely not for you!” and made sure young Kelly was frequently taken to the public library in order to obtain novels more appropriate for her age. That is how she discovered V.C. Andrews. And then??????



As Merle Haggard would say . . . .

 

Agnes and the Hitman by Jennifer Crusie and Bob Mayer

2.5 Stars

Jennifer Crusie is an author that one of the nicest people I work with is constantly recommending to me. Allow me to do what I do and use some gifs to explain the difference in our personality types. If we were Disney princesses, she would be . . . .



And I would be . . . .



I just assumed my reaction to her go-to-gal would be . . . .



But then she finally wore me down and I gave Bet Me a chance and it was pretty alright so when she said this one was real good I decided it was worth the gamble. I mean, a leading lady who got her money by writing a cookbook featuring a mobster, her potential romantic interest being a hitman, a dead dognapper and a missing diamond necklace and possible five million additional bucks? What could go wrong? Well . . . . .



Seriously, that’s the gripe. This book shouldn’t even be 300 pages, let alone over 400. It’s full of over-the-top, zany, slapstick antics that make for a fun time when confined to a low page count. The longer it went, the more I felt like I was on an old Hanna-Barbera loop. Are you old enough to know what that means???? If not, it goes a little something like so . . . . .



At some point it became exhausting.