Wednesday, January 3, 2018

Baby Teeth by Zoje Stage

4 Stars

This book doesn’t come out until Summer of 2018, which really sucks - - - FOR ALL OF YOU!!!! Did you fall for that?????

In all seriousness, when I put out a placeholder This Is America, I Want It Now “review” it was more like me channeling my inner Oprah and putting this out into the universe à la The Secret in hopes of winning the Goodreads Giveaway. When I received an e-mail from St. Martin’s Press offering me an advanced copy …. well, y’all probably heard me screaming across the entire planet. Then when it came I did really assholey super nice things like rub it in my friend’s face share my joy . . . .

Mitchell was happy to see me take a leap off the porn wagon and had much excite about our potentially stabby windfall as well . . . .

I was so excited I didn’t even remember to update my status that I was reading it. Since I never put it down until I was finished, there wasn’t much point. *shrug*

Being as Baby Teeth doesn’t come out for another seven months, I’m a little hamstrung when it comes to doing much more than singing its praises. To be honest, I’m not even sure if I’m supposed to be posting a review, but since I didn’t receive any blatant instructions not to, I will wait for my cease and desist letter before taking this down : )

The synopsis here is straightforward. Hanna loves Daddy. Hanna does not love Mommy. In fact, things would be perfect if Mommy wasn’t in the picture at all.

Now, before you even start naysaying about how this story has been told before I need you to kindly STFU. Even Mark Twain said, “There is no such thing as a new idea. It is impossible. We simply take a lot of old ideas and put them into a sort of mental kaleidoscope. We give them a turn and they make new and curious combinations. We keep on turning and making new combinations indefinitely; but they are the same old pieces of colored glass that have been in use through all the ages.” So yes, simply put this story has been told before . . . .

And before that . . . .

And even before that back in the olde days of yore by a dude named Longfellow . . . .

“There was a little girl,
Who had a little curl,
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good,
She was very good indeed,
But when she was bad she was horrid.”

I’m telling you it doesn’t matter. Obviously if you didn’t like any of those stories you should probably save your dollars and refrain from buying this one. Zoje Stage is quite the wordsmith, but I don’t think she has a magic wand that will make you like things you normally hate . . . (But maybe Marie-Anne does????) If you did enjoy those others, Baby Teeth will be a sure winner. And there is a fresh take here because Hanna isn’t a cookie cutter of those other children. Neither is her mother. I’d love to say more, but I’m pretty sure my next communication from St. Martin’s Press would go a little summin like . . . .

What I am going to do is break BEND (just bending please don’t send me that cease and desist) the rules and give you just a taste of an edited snippet in order to hopefully not piss off the powers that be of what Baby Teeth has to offer (and please remember, that I did receive an ARC, so this may change – but I hope it doesn’t) . . . .

Hanna giggled and kept writing. When she was ready, she held up her masterpiece.

‘Fuck Mommy. She is week and stupid.’

“… By the way, you used the wrong spelling – it’s w-e-A-k.”

One final note: You may be wondering why I haven’t talked about “Daddy” more. Here’s what I have to say to him . . . .

I’m going to go ahead and leave it at that before all the words start shooting out of my fingers. I’ll be breaking BENDING – JUST BENDING my own rule come summertime-summertime-sum-sum-summertime and floating this review in order to make sure it is on everyone’s radar. Then all you fellow weirdos have to go get a copy, read it and come back so we can talk about Hanna and Mommy under spoilsie code because I have sooooooo many things I want to barf out all over here about my thoughts and feelz.

Endless thanks goes to Jordan at St. Martin’s Press for this opportunity. I don’t know how a debut author convinces a major publishing house to go all in like it appears you guys are doing for this little story, but I think you hit the jackpot. Congrats in advance, you picked a good ‘un.


Have you SEEN this synopsis?????

Dear Zoje Stage: This is America, I want it now ; )


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