1 Star
HEREIN LIES THE GHOSTS OF A BILLION GIFS. CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED. OH, AND ALSO . . . .
When I read the synopsis for Roll Me Away I was almost certain it would be my cup of tea. What can I say?????
I mean a story about a love triangle consisting of a chick who wants to bang a biker, the bad boy biker himself and the do-gooder biker who wants her for himself?????
Things started off okay. Leading lady Cricket was on one final family vacay after graduating college and was looking to pull a Misdemeanor Elliot and get her freak on. Things started to get a bit questionable when her target just so happened to be the star of her favorite pornos. Porno star/biker???? Just go with it.
Anyhoo, said porn star/biker Jake is always down to pound the puss and immediately escorts Cricket back to his hotel room – where he proceeds to boff her into unconsciousness. Worried that his conquest might be doped up and not just in a state of post coital bliss, Jake orders club prospect Zach to get her ass out of his room pronto.
Now in a “normal” porny book this is the part where Cricket wakes up, realizes Jake is a disgusting manbearpig and immediately falls into instalurv with her savior Zach. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case here. Nope, instead Cricket decides to surprise Jake with a middle-of-the-night booty call the next day only to discover the vacancy in his bed has already been filled. Dear Cricket . . . .
But that’s not all. Cricket isn’t one to give up on the potential for twoo wuv and considers giving up her plans for the future and following ol’ Jake back to the club once vacay is over . . . .
However, when Jake decides to show her how the club operates when it comes to their women by offering first dibs to his buddy Slug errrr, I mean Snail (same diff), Cricket finally figures out he’s probably not the knight in shiny chrome she’s been looking for.
Which FINALLY brings us to Zach who all this time has been waiting in the wings like a little bitch crying . . . .
If you’re like me, you’re thinking the drama is going to stem from this noob trying to pick up on a full-fledged member’s potential woman, but you’d be sooooooo wrong. Nope, instead we have Cricket “running away from home” (even though she’s in her 20s) due to the embarrassment surrounding her bad sexytimes choices . . .
I’m totally serious. But wait! That’s only the beginning. The drama in the story spirals out of control when Zach is involved in a motorcycle accident and is paralyzed and also running meth without knowing it . . .
WELCOME TO THE HOT MESS EXPRESS. ALL ABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD!
As Cleveland Brown would say . . .
This dang thing had so many different narrators and plotlines it was like reading an entire series smashed into one book. Not to mention the fact that everything got wrapped up with a nice little bow without really explaining WTF really happened.
ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
When I read the synopsis for Roll Me Away I was almost certain it would be my cup of tea. What can I say?????
I mean a story about a love triangle consisting of a chick who wants to bang a biker, the bad boy biker himself and the do-gooder biker who wants her for himself?????
Things started off okay. Leading lady Cricket was on one final family vacay after graduating college and was looking to pull a Misdemeanor Elliot and get her freak on. Things started to get a bit questionable when her target just so happened to be the star of her favorite pornos. Porno star/biker???? Just go with it.
Anyhoo, said porn star/biker Jake is always down to pound the puss and immediately escorts Cricket back to his hotel room – where he proceeds to boff her into unconsciousness. Worried that his conquest might be doped up and not just in a state of post coital bliss, Jake orders club prospect Zach to get her ass out of his room pronto.
Now in a “normal” porny book this is the part where Cricket wakes up, realizes Jake is a disgusting manbearpig and immediately falls into instalurv with her savior Zach. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case here. Nope, instead Cricket decides to surprise Jake with a middle-of-the-night booty call the next day only to discover the vacancy in his bed has already been filled. Dear Cricket . . . .
But that’s not all. Cricket isn’t one to give up on the potential for twoo wuv and considers giving up her plans for the future and following ol’ Jake back to the club once vacay is over . . . .
However, when Jake decides to show her how the club operates when it comes to their women by offering first dibs to his buddy Slug errrr, I mean Snail (same diff), Cricket finally figures out he’s probably not the knight in shiny chrome she’s been looking for.
Which FINALLY brings us to Zach who all this time has been waiting in the wings like a little bitch crying . . . .
If you’re like me, you’re thinking the drama is going to stem from this noob trying to pick up on a full-fledged member’s potential woman, but you’d be sooooooo wrong. Nope, instead we have Cricket “running away from home” (even though she’s in her 20s) due to the embarrassment surrounding her bad sexytimes choices . . .
I’m totally serious. But wait! That’s only the beginning. The drama in the story spirals out of control when Zach is involved in a motorcycle accident and is paralyzed and also running meth without knowing it . . .
WELCOME TO THE HOT MESS EXPRESS. ALL ABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD!
As Cleveland Brown would say . . .
This dang thing had so many different narrators and plotlines it was like reading an entire series smashed into one book. Not to mention the fact that everything got wrapped up with a nice little bow without really explaining WTF really happened.
ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
Thank you, NetGalley!
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