Thursday, June 18, 2015

Selfish by Kim Kardashian West

1 Star
Mitchell double-dog-dared me to re-create the cover wearing my Genie™ bra. I declined. Then he called me a pu$$y and said he’d just do it himself : (

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You know, I can’t fault a person for wanting to cash in on their f-ing eternal fifteen minutes of fame, but a selfie book????

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Now that’s not to say I don’t recognize the power of the selfie. Hell, even the President likes to whip out his selfie stick errrry once in awhile . . .

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(^^^See husband, even Obama has a G.D. selfie stick!!!!)

But what kind of narcissist thinks that their fans will line up in order to purchase this pitcherbook? (Please don’t consider that an invitation. If you bought this book you probably don’t belong anywhere near my review space.)  I’m annoyed that my library bought this, but doesn’t have half of the books I request. And also, for the following claim to be made . . .

Kim has mastered the art of taking flattering and highly personal photos of oneself.”

Are you sure about that? What’s up with these terrifying underdrawers???

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They sure as shootin' aren't flattering!

I mean, DUH if we all had hair and make-up people to come work us over every morning we’d probably take hella good selfies too. Since I don’t have an entourage of beauty slaves I had to take some pointers straight from the book.

Kim encourages all amateur selfie takers to work with angles and frequently features a closed-eye/blowing kisses image . . .

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Nailed it!

Mastering the pout is also highly recommended. Nothing says “sexy selfie” like a duckface kissable mouth . . .

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Hannibal struggled with this one, but I love him anyway.

If all else fails, a bathroom shot is sure to be a winner . . . .

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Dear Library, my sincerest apologies for what Mitchell did to that section of this book. Send me a bill and I will promptly get it paid.

Bottom line, if you’re a Kardashian super fan, you probably already own this book and are currently flipping through your contacts list in order to hire someone that would be willing to beat me with a selfie stick in some random park. For the rest of you? You’re not missing out on anything.

1 comment:

  1. Da actual fuck!?!?! What the hell is this book?? Congrats on surviving it. I couldn't - just thinking about it makes me want to puke. >.<

    Vane at Books With Chemistry