Adulthood is a Myth: A "Sarah's Scribbes" Collection by Sarah Andersen

4 Stars

 

Does the following image remind you of yourself????



If so, this is probably a book for you. While I’m 1,000 maybe not exactly the target demographic for the Sarah’s Scribbles collection, I still found Adulthood is a Myth to be nearly completely relatable and maybe that I should get a restraining order against the author because it seems like she might be stalking me.

I mean, this little diddy covered everything from my laundry habits . . .



To my daily experiences on Goodreads . . .



To what a telephone conversation between Shelby and myself sounds like . . .



It even covered my fear of what will happen if I discover there really is a heaven . . .




Carol was the Goodreads’ friend who got me to request this one from the library after she said it was for fans of Allie Brosch. Pretty much introverts the world over who hate all other humans should enjoy this one just a little. Added bonus for all the ladies in the house who experience the joy of Aunt Flo’s visit every month . . . .


(She also has a hilarious one about reaching in your purse when someone asks if you have [insert whatever random item] and 582 tampons come flying out.)

If you’re a dude, you may not be able to fully relate, but it’ll shine some light on why your wife hates you more than usual a couple days a month.

While this little book was by no stretch of the imagination a huge life changer, it was certainly amusing and I would definitely recommend it.

All the Ugly and Wonderful Things by Bryn Greenwood

5 Stars

 

 

“I loved her the first time I saw her and I still do.”

“Love at first sight, huh? How old was she?”

“Eight.”

“That’s creepy.”

Hey remember Joe from a couple years ago and how you knew you really shouldn’t like him because he was like a psycho stalker with stabby tendencies, but then you fell in love with him anyway??? Well, allow me to introduce you to Kellen. He’s a pedophile and my favorite leading male so far this year (and this is book #100 for 2016 so that’s saying something) . . .



Let me backtrack a second. All the Ugly and Wonderful Things (perfect title is perfect) is the story of Wavy, the daughter of not a real Mother-of-the-Year nominee. See Wavy’s momma Val is a meth head. Her paranoia of choice? Brainwashing her daughter from the time she was three that nothing is safe, physical touch can infect you and EVERY other human is dirty. Wavy’s daddy Liam tries to help out whenever he can by sending groceries and stuff up to the main house, but he mainly stays at a distance in order to run the family business – a meth lab. He also spends his free time snorting his product as well as smacking bitches around and dabbling in an unlimited amount of strange vajay, but that’s beside the point.

It should go without saying that Wavy’s life was in no way, shape or form “normal.” She had a brief reprieve when she was taken away from her mother, but then stuff and things happened which brought her back home – and this time (at the ripe ol’ age of 8) she got the joy of raising her mother’s new baby. Enter Kellen. He’s spent time in the pokey and looks like a grizzly bear, but most importantly he recognizes when a kid has been dealt the shit end of the stick at life. Since no one else is around to look after Wavy, Kellen takes it upon himself to do so. He makes sure the groceries get bought, takes her to and from school and gives her a safe place to hang out (the garage he works at) when things suck for her more than usual. Wavy and Kellen fill a void in each other’s lives. She loves him and he loves her back . . . and as the years go by so does this love . . .

“The girl looked . . . up at the man with sparkling eyes. He looked nervous and happy. They were not father and daughter. Romance. For better or worse.”

Obviously this is not a book for everyone. You really have to be able to separate what your real-life reaction would be and fully embrace Wavy and Kellen’s world – in the 80s, living in the sticks in a drug den, surrounded by criminals, drug addicts, rapists, you name it, with no one to trust but each other and a slow roller of a relationship that evolves over time with a leading male who knows his feelings are wrong, but is willing to do anything to make it right . . .

“There’s nothing wrong with me buying her a ring. She’s my girl.”

“Yeah, except for the part where you’re a pedophile.”

All the Ugly and Wonderful Things (again, perfect title is perfect) doesn’t pussyfoot around the giant pink elephant in the room. In fact, it does the opposite by presenting statements like the above over and over lest the reader forget that this love story is taboo. Kudos to you, Ms. Greenwood, you get all the stars. If you’re adventurous enough to give this a shot, you might find yourself blown away by this powerful little story too. If you’re not???



Ha! Kidding. I don’t blame anyone for recognizing this isn’t their cuppa. Just don’t troll me, please : )

ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review and physical ARC to follow provided by the publisher. Endless thanks to both for giving me the opportunity to read something different from ANYTHING I have ever read before.

This was a buddy read for Alissa’s birthday. In honor of this national holiday, Steve, EDIT: Ron 2.0 because he FINALLY added the damn thing (who is such a fail he doesn't even have it marked as TBR yet), Shelby and myself commenced a buddy read.



Or your meth pipes. Tomato tomahto.

I can't wait to see what everyone else thought! Except Ron. Please note I think you will hate this and if you try to poop on my parade I will send these little bitches to your house and they will cut you . . . .

Don't Get Caught by Kurt Dinan

2 Stars

 

Hi and welcome to Dissenting Opinion 101. I’ll be your host, Principal Vernon . . .



If I’m promised a book that is going to be a mutant baby of this . . .



And Ocean’s Eleven let’s just say my expectations are going to be extreeeeeemely high going in. For me, the only giffy inspiration that came from Ocean’s was the following . . .



Don’t Get Caught is the story of a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess and a criminal a bunch of kids who are set up by “The Chaos Club” thinking they are being recruited to join their ranks and be a part of pranking infamy, but instead discover they’ve been duped and left to take the fall for the club’s latest prank. Dubbing themselves “The Watertower 5,” the kids decide to take matters into their own hands and prank the pranksters. Things start off harmless enough . . .



But it doesn’t take long for the pranks to take a turn . . .



And for the kids to go from fun-loving to a bunch of revenge-seeking entitled twats who were jackasses at best and criminals at worse and who all needed a good ass whooping from their parents or some quality time in juvie. I think I channeled my inner Ron 2.0 on this one because I really did not see the charm. Don’t bother trolling me, kiddos, I’m aware that I’m getting too old for this shit.

I had this on a “no thank you” list . . . . because of reasons and seriously debated giving it 1 Star after being far less than thrilled with the end product. However, it read quickly so it obviously wasn’t the absolute worst thing I’ve ever experienced. Also, Delee loved it and wrote an amazing review (so good that she maybe should have copyrighted it *wink*) and I don’t want to hurt her feelings.

*whispers* She gone? Okay good. Between you and me, this one was really . . .

I Draw On Cats by A.F. CoffelThis book gets 1 Star because . . . t

1 Star

This book gets 1 Star because . . .



Who the eff wants to unravel 800 feet of flippin' cat connect-the-dot?!?!?!?!? Well, who aside from this lady . . .



I Draw On Cats arrived in the mail on the day I pulled my back out for the first time ever just by breathing or sleeping or something (talented, that is me). Lying in bed like a slug for 24 hours on anti-inflammatories didn’t cure it so then I had to sit through kid ball games IN THE POURING RAIN because the suck wasn’t enough and every time I tried to even thumb through this son of a gun the whole damn thing would unravel and then everyone around me was subjected to the most irritating Peter Griffin impersonation on the planet that began with “MY BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACACK” and then . . .



All the ow and oooh and owwwwww that should be associated with a middle-aged woman experiencing a whole pile of first world problems at the same time. Anyway, this thing was a huge letdown. Not only was the annoyance factor at a staggering level, but the images themselves????



Meh. Most of them were mediocre quality and consisted of cats being cats, all flopped out on floors or couches which then had already half-drawn images of them being “superhero-y” – you know because cat on its side TOTALLY looks like flying cat if you put a badly drawn cape on it. There were a couple of pictures that made me smile . . .



But they were few and far between and also got ruined by stuff like . . .



What the hell kind of crack is being smoked here? A cat dressed like someone from the crusades intent on murdering a LAWN MOWER? I guess once again I’m just not smart enough to get the humor. I am smart enough, however, to know that spending the suggested retail price of $10 on this would be a huge waste.

ARC provided by Blogging for Books in exchange for an honest review.

 

Harrow County by Cullen Bunn - Illustrations by Tyler Crook

3 Stars

 

I was already going to half-ass this review, but then I took a gander over at Shelby’s and she flippin’ beat me to the punch on every dang thing I was going to say. Pretty much just read hers because we obviously share the same brain and it was her turn to use it when it came to writing up something about this story.

The basics are that back in the day some broad was thought to be a witch so the townsfolks did errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrything in their power (meaning, beat the shit out of, lynched and burned because if you’re gonna kill a witch it better be with the trifecta of torture – no water boarding pansies allowed in Harrow County). Fastforward to the present and a new young girl who is about to turn 18. When the locals discover Emmy can turn cows that look born inside out back right again, they know they need to burn her ass up too. Even her ol’ Pa gets in the mix, the dirty sumbitch!

As Emmy tries to save herself, she comes across some pretty weird crap like deflated boys . . .



As well as this haint that’s on fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar . . .



Like most new graphic novels, this was more of a backstory provider than one that provided a lot of answers regarding the present. Unlike most graphic novels, I want to continue reading past this first volume so YOU GO GLENN COCO CULLEN BUNN!

Since I’m a real art expert, here’s where I tell you my opinion about the art. I didn’t really like the “people panels,” but the images of the setting were pretty . . .



And prettier . . .



So as it says in my placeholder reminding me that I need to not be such a twat and actually read this at some point since I didn’t even have to buy it, this was gifted to me by the best book fairy you’ll never get to meet. Like past selections, Harrow County originally went to Shelby and then to me. Who wants it next? Since it’s me and I’m an a-hole who supposedly likes to make up a bunch of “rules” everyone has to follow, here’s my requests: (1) Continental US only because I’m poor; (2) if I think you (or a friend of yours) might already want to wear me as a skinsuit you will promptly be passed up ‘cause I ain’t giving nooooooooooooooooooo crazies my address; and (3) If you choose to send this on to another person, please try to not select a dick. It kinda sucks the fun out of the whole thing.

ORIGINAL "REVIEW":

Have I mentioned lately how awesome my friends here are? Another package of pitcherbooks has arrived and this time it includes a scurrrrrrrrry one. Good thing I found some backup in case the poo hits the fan . . .

 

The Hook Up by Kristen Callihan

3 Stars

 

Drew Baylor is the star quarterback for the football team who has a reputation for being a player both on and off the field. Anna Jones is a curvy girl-next-door type who has zero interest being another notch on Baylor’s bedpost. You know what that means, right?



I noticed Mrs. Joseph reading another book in this series and it peaked my interest because of . . .



Mmmmmmmm, beard. Unfortunately the porny liburry did not that one available on Kindle so I had to settle for this one instead. Allow me a moment to go off the rails here (so unusual for me, I know). Praise Jeebus the library had THIS cover . . .



Because YUM and I’ll take that with cheese. If the alternate cover would have been my option . . .



I probably would have skipped it. I don’t want to make the sexy with that guy. Just a note to authors that books are indeed judged by their covers. Especially pornos. You have two options – abtastic with an “accessory” (a football, motorcycle, tattoos, beard, whatevs) or “I wanna bang that tiger in the hoodie” like such . . .



I really need to buy that book. Alright, enough of that. Let’s get back on track – or as much on track as is possible for me. So Caleb and Anna meet in philosophy class or some crap that I can’t really be bothered to remember because really I just read these for . . .



#sploosh.

His reputation proceeds him, she has body issues and whatever that she seriously needs to work out because damn girl high school ended quite some time ago and no one ever bothered you at college until you started banging superstud because DUH jealous hos. However, lucky for us readers they see each other at a party and both have an itch that needs scratching so you know what that means . . .



And let me tell you, those bathroom sexytimes were H.O.T. Whoooooooooo doggy . . .



Of course, this being NA there had to be that little thing that gets in the way called an attempt at a plot. While Drew (did I call him Caleb somewhere because I seriously keep wanting to type Caleb and I’m not even gonna go check myself) and Anna quickly realize that much like the Usher song, they got it they got it bad . . .


(#droooooool #homersimpsonnoise)

It is not without angst and manufactured drama that is supposed to make you all . . . .



But instead makes me more like this . . .



The Game Plan could have earned 4 Stars, but I’m sticking with three because seriously enough is e-mothereffing-nuff with the drama llama and this could have easily been a hundred pages shorter and wrapped up without me getting stabby.

 

Deadpool: Dead Presidents by Brian Posehn, Gerry Duggan and Tony Moore (Illustrations)

3 Stars

 

There aren’t a lot of comics on my TBR because (1) I am poor and the liburry selection tends to be more than a bit limited, (2) I have old lady brain so I mix up all the character’s origin stories, and (3) I have the attention span of a flea so continual storylines and I are probably not going to play well together. But then I found Deadpool. He’s my lobster and everything about him makes me go . . .


(Ha! There is no end to the power of the sploosh joke.)

Dead Presidents is about – you guessed it, dead presidents. Seems a necromancer took it upon himself to stir up a real hornet’s nest of undead former Chiefs of Staff because he felt ‘Murica was going right down the ol’ pooper. Wonder why anyone would think that?????



Anywho, the dead presidents are wreaking havoc all over tarnation and it’s up to one person to save them. CAPTAIN AMERICA! Unfortunately, the press has a field day with the Cap’n offing our founding fathers so Tom Selleck Agent Gorman calls in Deadpool to save the day instead . . . .



Things go about as well as can be expected with quite a bit of this . . .



As well as a little of this . . .



As Deadpool works his way from Washington all the way to the Gipper. Sidenote: I brought some special jellybeans in to work in honor of this selection and ol’ Ronnie . . .



Now, you might think things would be a little long in the tooth because there are JUST. SO. MANY. of the undead to work through. Good news is, Deadpool doesn’t believe in filler . . .



The bad news is, when I saw Brian Posehn’s name as the writer my expectations were more than a little high. While there was some of the classic Deadpool humor . . .



This one relied heavily on the gore and not so much of the funny ha-ha I expected . . .



Good news is, there’s another new Deadpool later this month which I anxiously await. Until then . . .