Been There, Married That by Gigi Levangie

2.5 Stars

I’ll be on vacay (at my house – don’t think you can rob me without me murdering you) until after Christmas so Imma knock another review out today and make me feel like I accomplished something this year by posting 200 reviews.

Been There, Married That is the type of book you pick up when . . . .



It’s the story of what happens when Agnes’ megahit Hollywood producer husband Trevor decides to divorce her, believing the grass is sure to be greener on the other side. What follows is a completely over-the-top tale that could easily be found in Webster’s next to the definition of . . . .



When I read this (a while ago, because you know I suck at timely reviews) I thought this would be a great poolside selection. Alice NEVER being serious (I mean EVER - even when in mediation discussing the potential of losing custody of her children) irritated the shit out of me, but I still stand by that opinion. Now that the holidays are quickly approaching, this might be a great escape from the stresses of the season as well. Got a house full of Griswalds? Run a bubble bath and soak in with Agnes’ antics.

ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Thank you, NetGalley!

Barbed Wire Heart by Tess Sharpe

4 Stars

“You gotta be like barbed wire. Tough no matter what, ready to tangle with anyone who gets too close.”
Do you suck at keeping up with reviews? (Don’t answer that, Ron, we all know you do.) If so, is there a reason one (or 30) fall through the cracks? It can’t be because I didn’t like this book because holy crap I liked this one. (Meth = 4 Stars. Kidding. Sort of.). And yet somehow I read it 42,000 days ago and never bothered posting. Now you get next to nothing because Old Lady Brain is debilitating condition so the details are scarce. Simply put, this is a story about . . . . .



Not that kind of Family Feud – more like the Hatfield and McCoy version that has been going on for an age and even murdering the other’s family members isn’t over the line. The focus is on Harley McKenna, daughter of a criminal who has been working for him since she was only 16. Now the Springfield clan are closing in on Duke’s operation and Harley has decided she’s had enough. Her plan is to take out both operations . . . . .



Here’s where I win my mother-of-the-year award, because despite the fact that this is a violent, gritty type of tale, I would totally market it as YA. What you have to understand is when I say “YA” I mean like Juniors and Seniors in high school. This book was a freaking feminist manifesto that kicked ass and took names and I would highly recommend it to older young adults. It’s in your face and no nonsense and that is the kind of daughter I would want to raise if I had one.

You Better Not Cry by Augusten Burroughs

4 Stars

After recently coming off a Burroughs’ induced Halloweeny high from the delightful Toil & Trouble, there was no chance I was going to let the holiday season go by without picking this one up. Once again this selection of stories reminded me of my Darling David in that the snapshots of life may have contained some dark aspects and the storyteller might have been a bit of a Negative Nelly, but the humor and sentimentality worked to (for the most part) keep spirits bright.

Included in this collection are tales about:

Eating Santa’s face – without ingesting some bathsalts first;
Building a gingerbread house tenement;
Asking for a pony;
Waking up hungover at the Waldorf Astoria next to Santa;
Waking up in a gaggle of homeless people;
Waking up to find your dream house flooded; and
George.

Oh George . . . . .



That one was a heartbreaker. Kudos to you AB for making me have a feel. And for being my kindred spirit when it comes to the advent calendar . . . .

My mother surely must have regretted ever introducing me to the advent calendar, because now she could never take it away. It would be like getting your child hooked on heroin and then withholding their needle.

For the last eighteen days, it had been the single focus of my life. My mother would not allow me to open a new door before eight o’clock in the evening. By seven each night, I was sitting on the floor in front of the refrigerator like a dog, staring up at the calendar and asking her every few minutes, “Is it almost eight o’clock?”

Luckily I’m the adult in my house (and the advent calendar belongs to me because my children are Grinches who only are interested in Christmas for the presents and spend the rest of their lives holed up in their rooms), so I open the day’s little door as soon as I get up each morning . . . .

 

After the Fire by Will Hill

3.5 Stars

“So many lives destroyed, and for what? So one man could be king of a patch of desert full of men and women who desperately wanted to believe in something.”
I’m running out of days of the year so let’s knock another review out real quick. Basically, After the Fire is a fictionalization of what is an absolutely unforgettable moment in history to people my age . . . . .



The story takes place literally “after the fire” when the compound burned down and focuses on a 17-year old survivor named Moonbeam. The setting is the hospital where she and other survivors are being cared for and in intense therapy to try and help them not only get through the immediate trauma they just experienced, but that they have incurred their entire life while living in a religious cult. I thought this was a very well done Young Adult book which tackled a moment in time that should not be forgotten. It handled more risqué subject matter (like the plural marriage of the leader) with kid gloves where no details were given and the wives all had to be 18, but it didn’t shy away from addressing questions my generation will always have about the actual event . . . . .

“You have to understand how an investigation of this scale works. The priority was gathering the necessary evidence for federal firearms and conspiracy indictments. They were building cases of illegal imprisonment and assault and pursuing about a dozen other charges at the same time, but it was the automatic weapons and blasting caps that were going to put John Parson away for the rest of his life.”

“So in the meantime, they just watched people get hurt? They just let it happen?”

I’d recommend this one to high schoolers looking for a more “true crime” type of experience while still reading a fictional story.

He Started It by Samantha Downing

4 Stars

From the placeholder “review” below, obviously this was a highly anticipated release for me. Now that I’ve finished?????



But some of you are gonna haaaaaaaate it due to the ending so let’s just hope that I can come to terms with my feelings before release date so we can still be friends.

I was lucky enough to score an early copy of My Lovely Wife when no one was even talking about it yet and it completely blew my socks off. I knew Samantha Downing was an author to watch and I literally knew nothing about this book (hadn’t even read a blurb) before attempting to receive an advanced copy. I recognized Downing’s name and the cover was so good I almost creamed my jeans = I neeeeeeeeeded it. Then I got nervous because sophomore novels – especially those on the heels of a megahit – are hard and I’m a giant asshole who tells it like it is. But then I started and discovered this was going to be a story about a . . . . .



With a pretty obvious destination of . . . . .



Call me biased if you want, but like Julie Andrews sang ♪♫♪these are a few of my favorite things♪♫♪.

The story here is pretty simple: siblings Beth, Portia, Eddie and their granddaddy . . . . .



Are taking a little family vacay . . . .

“Go on the road trip. Scatter my ashes at the end. Once I’m in my final resting place, my estate will be equally divided between you.”

Sounds simple right? The only caveats? Don’t end up in jail, complete the entire trip and don’t deviate from the original road trip that was taken back when they were kids in any way or that person(s) gets bupkis. What could possibly go wrong?

Oh this was such a yummy slow roller of a read. I held off until I had the house to myself with the only interruptions to my reading being to play Uber driver for the children and letting the dog out to pretend he was pooping before coming in the house and actually pooping on the rug. I highly recommend reading this if not in one sitting, then in giant chunks where you can really get absorbed in the story. Obviously this would be pretty kickass to experience if you ever find yourself the passenger on your own drive from hell (looking at you, never-ending State of Kansas) or if you’re a freak like me you might find it to be a pretty decent holiday read despite it taking place in the heat of the summer and ending in the desert. Nothing says Merry Christmas like family drama! Recommended.

My undying gratitude to Berkley Publishing for making my wish come true on this one in exchange for an honest review. My fangirling opinions are all my own.


ORIGINAL "REVIEW"

Who do I have to cut to get a copy of this????

 

Only Mostly Devastated by Sophie Gonzales

4 Stars

As soon as I heard “inspired by Grease” – well . . . . . .



Much like the band TLC I will fully admit I ain’t too proud to beg either and did everything in my power to acquire an early copy of this one. And as soon as Ollie started his new school only to run into his summer lovin’ Will who totally pulled a Danny Zuko with his popular basketball buddies by saying he spent his summer just . . . . .



You know this old lady was like . . . . .



Only Mostly Devastated was everything I wanted it to be. It totally had Simon vs. the Homosapiens Agenda vibe as the blurb promised (not so sure about the Clueless namedrop – not really accurate and it wasn’t even necessary when the book is a guaranteed winner like this one), Will totally had some legit reasons for being a bit of a turd, Ollie was a great/understanding friend, but not afraid to use his words and was never a doormat just to make someone else’s life easier, there was just enough teenage drama, and of course it all culminated ♪♫♪at the high school dance, where you can find romance, maybe it might be loooooooove♪♫♪.

I ate this sucker up . . . . .



Highly recommended.

Endless thanks to Wednesday Books for the early copy. You got me feeling all . . . .
Rama lama lama ka dinga da dinga dong
Shoo-bop sha wadda wadda yippity boom de boom
Chang chang changitty chang sha-bop
Dip da-dip da-dip doo-wop da doo-bee doo
Boogedy boogedy boogedy boogedy
Shoo-be doo-wop she-bop
Sha-na-na-na-na-na-na-na yippity dip de doom

Wop ba-ba lu-mop and wop bam boom!

 

Red at the Bone by Jacqueline Woodson

2 Stars

What can I say? Sometimes composite novels work for me, sometimes they don’t. This one????



Me no likey. I’ll gladly take the wrongreader title here, because everyone else looooooved the writing and I felt it was flat. They loooooooved how fresh the story was, but I thought it was stale. They looooooooved all of the social commentary while I thought it was nothing but the usual dose of tragiporn (with an extra helping of 9/11 in case you weren’t aware just how miserable you were supposed to feel). This is the problem with having booknerd social media accounts along with a terminal case of FOMO – you end up reading books that you should have never even added to your TBR.