Wytches by Scott Snyder - Jock (Illustrator), Matt Hollingsworth (colorist), Clem Robins (letterer)

2 Stars

 

Wytches promised to be “dark” and “horrifying” – “creepier” and more “bone-chilling” than readers could imagine. Uhhhhhhh . . . .



When I first heard about this I was all over trying to get my hands on a copy. I mean just look at the cover art . . .



Unfortunately my library spends all of their excess funds stocking pornography (not complaining) rather than new graphic novels. Sadly, once I finally got a chance to read Wytches, it didn’t take me long to figure out that I was going to find the story to be a real piece of . . .



I appreciate the fact that the backstory was actually explained in this first volume, but it could have been done in waaaaaay less than half the amount of pages. There was a whole lot of “chit” chat with not a lot of action. I’m not a fan of filler to begin with and when the filling consists of pretty uggo artwork . . . . .



It’s even worse. But what do I know? I read everything wrong. I also write notes to myself like "WTF?" and "I hate this" that somehow don't manage to conjure up real deep reviews.

Obviously I don’t have a lot to say about this selection. What I do have a lot to say about is some of the people of Goodreads. If you’ve been here long you’ve probably either experienced, or at least witnessed, the not-so-pretty side of the GR population – so when someone flips the script and shows they are simply amazing even an old hag like me gets all . . .



Wytches (and several other) graphic novels were purchased by a member here and then routed on to Shelby who then forwarded them to me. This one will be making its way to a little Harbinger of Blood-Soaked Rainbow next – continuing the chain of the most awesome of book nerdy pay it forwards.

THANKS AGAIN BOOK FAIRY - YOU ARE THE BEST!!!!!

 

 

Buy Me by Alexa Riley

3 Stars

 

Since Stella’s mother died she’s been doing everything she can to keep her family’s ranch while her father falls into a deeper pit of drinking and gambling. Now in debt up to her eyeballs, Stella has been left with only one choice – to put herself up on the block at the latest Mistress Auction and sell her virginity to the highest bidder during a 30-day contract. Little does she know the bidder (or in this case bidders) in question have plans for Stella for waaaaaay longer than one month . . .



Thanks to another case of incurable “ traitorous body ” Stella is down for some brotherly lovin’. If you’ve read any Alexa Riley previously you are probably well aware of where it goes from this point. First, our female lead gets a pet name. In this case “Lucky” since her vajay is oh so magically delicious and all that . . .



And then there’s A LOT of talk about the need to fill ‘er up . . .



Which results in something kind of like this . . .



Since this is a two-for-the-price-of-one storyline, there’s a matter of discussion regarding which tab goes into which hole (Spoiler Alert: EVERY tab goes in EVERY hole). Three stars because yeah, I am just not a fan of all the wheezing of the juice that Riley likes to go on and on about and also because everyone knows you NEVER cross streams!



Many thanks to the most perverted of all book fairies (you know who you are) who keeps me in smut when work is super cray and my car is being an asshole.

Kin by Kealan Patrick Burke

4 Stars

 

“All my friends are gone. Everything is dead.”

What if this . . . .



Was only the start of the horror movie???? Such is the case with Kin as Claire stumbles out of the woods half dead from the hands of her captors. Thus begins a finely woven tale of the survivor, a victim’s brother, a lovestruck boy who hopes to win the girl’s heart, and a woman who ran away but was never able to fully escape her past. Oh and dare I forget the other characters - led by “Momma” . . . .



Who have made a life for themselves by . . . errrrrrrrrrr “making use” of whatever ends up on their land . . .



I read Kin at the beginning of the year, but failed to ever write a review because I suck since I had just read Brother which was similar and I didn’t want to compare apples to . . . well something pretty damn close to apples. Now that I’ve sat on it awhile and even skimmed it again to refresh my memory, I’m comfortable giving Kin 4 Stars rather than the 3 I was initially going to award. This was most definitely a revamped take on a familiar storyline, but one that left me continually saying . . .



Recommended for those with iron stomachs because the descriptions of everything you will see (and smell) are most assuredly over-the-top. And if you aren’t brave enough to go this one alone? Buddy-up with a friend . . .



Just make sure to hide yo pizzle kids and hide yo wives first.

The Serpent King by Jeff Zentner

5 Stars

 

“If you’re going to live, you might as well do painful, brave, and beautiful things.”

A week or so ago I claimed that it would be hard to top Dark Matter as my best read of 2016. Turns out I lied. It wasn’t that hard at all. Once again Shelby (or more specifically, her NetGalley addiction) gets the credit for putting this one on my radar. She’s a horrible old bitty like me and rarely gives out the 5 Stars so when she raved about The Serpent King (well, in all honesty it was when she posted a non giff-i-fied review) I knew I should take her seriously. I think she has emotions a little more often than I do, though, so I was positive my robot heart could make it through The Serpent King unscathed. After all . . . .



But then I met Dill, a boy whose daddy was famous for being a snake-handling/strychnine drinking preacher, but has most recently become famous for activities most of us only see on Dateline. It was impossible not to immediately want to tuck Dill into a special corner of my heart . . .

“No Jesus, no peace. Know Jesus, know peace. What if you know Jesus but have no peace?”

Dill introduced me to Lydia – a girl who marched to the beat of her own drum and somehow managed to be best friends with Dill although she didn’t quite share his love for the Lord . . .

“Do you think that’s what Jesus really meant? Maybe he was like, ‘and theoretically, you could probably pick up snakes,’ and Mark’s over there writing and he’s like, ‘You should literally pick up snakes. Cool, Jesus, got it!’ And Jesus is going, ‘Well, calm down with the snake business. Don’t be weird; just be a decent person. It’s really more of a metaphor.’ And Mark is writing, ‘Definitely pick up actual literal snakes and drink actual real poison like rotten grape juice or other Bible-y poison.’”

(It probably goes without saying that Lydia was my people.)

Then the two kids introduced me to the final member of their trifecta – a boy named Travis who found what he believed in through a different sort of good book . . .



I can’t remember the last time a book affected me this much or when I read a YA story with multiple narrators who had such distinct voices and personalities. I have placed The Serpent King on the “like-this-or-we-can’t-be-friends” shelf. Normally that title is just for grins, but there’s a good chance if you hate this one I will experience a severe case of the butthurt and not be able to speak to you anymore. (Have no fears, Ron 2.0, you get a pass for not liking anything that I do and all that jazz.) Everyone read this. It feeds my dark side to watch you all cry the ugly tears of a Kardashian, especially if I know you will be like me and look “like your heart stepped on a Lego” once you are finished. As for me, I’ll be uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh busy for awhile . . .



ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

Thank you, NetGalley!

Preacher by Dahlia West

4 Stars

 

“You make me want a life I can’t have. A life I don’t deserve.”
If Nicholas Sparks wrote a motorcycle porno the end result might be something a bit like Preacher. I know I know I know . . .



I should not have enjoyed this . . . but I did. Sorry not sorry. It was just so different from the other MC books I’ve been gorging myself on recently. Mainly because it had a little something you may have heard of called a plot. Also because Spring has sprung and my weekends consist of pretty much THIS . . .



Which is pretty different from the way I normally spend my free time . . .



Making for the perfect excuse to partake in some additional motorbiking bangery.

Jack “Preacher” Price never saw what was coming when his motorcycle club turned on him and left him for dead outside Rapid City. He takes shelter in the first place he comes across – a barn owned by Erin Walker. Erin needs help keeping her ranch up and running, Jack needs a place to heal before he returns to Rapid City for revenge so the two strike up an uneasy partnership. As their mutual attraction grows, Jack tries to fight it – to no avail . . . .



As I said, this one might have simply been a case of “right place/right time” but for whatever reason it really worked for me and took my mind off the gale force winds and being pummeled by dirt blowing across the infield. I found the story to be interesting, the pacing to be decent and the smexytimes? Goodgodamighty!!!!!



After all . . .

“Lucifer was the most beautiful of all the angels.”

I’m the first of my friends to read this, which is really weird ‘cause y’all know I have buddied up to a bunch of perverts and it was a freebie when I picked it up. I’ll be reading this one next . . . .



for scientific purposes.

Savage Season by Joe R. Lansdale

3.5 Stars

 

Joe Lansdale was barely a blip on my radar until a few months ago when it seemed errrrryone started reading his stuff. Since I am an idiot, I had no idea WTF Hap and Leonard even was or that it was a soon-to-be television program. I just knew that Real Dan and Kemper were reading the crap out of these stories and everybody else seemed to be reading Lansdale too. Then during one of our bitch sessions highly intellectual conversations, Shelby reminded me the show had premiered. It sounded like something my husband would TOTALLY dig so I cued it up for him and planned to get back to my regularly scheduled porno Pulitzer winner. But then Omar appeared on my screen and my hubs was like “are you seriously going to watch T.V. and not read right now??!?!?!?!” and I was like . . .



Alright, so there’s the backstory of why I’m so late to this party. My apologies for the couple minutes of your life you just wasted and will never get back. Now let’s get on with the show.

Hap and Leonard are just a couple of good ol’ boys – never meaning no harm. They’ve been makin’ their way the only way they know how, but then Leonard’s ex-wife shows up with her magic poonany and reveals a scheme that’s just a little bit more than the law will allow . . .

“One hundred thousand dollars for each of us.”

“Shit. What we got to do, shoot someone?”

“Nope. We have to swim for it.”

If the paraphrased lyrics above don’t ring a bell or if you are a millennial, there’s a good chance Hap & Leonard probably aren’t the guys you want to spend time with. However, if you’re not easily offended by foul language or some pretty gnarly asskicking and want to read the best dialogue of your life - Lansdale will provide. I may have shown up way more than fashionably late for this party, but I’m most definitely here to stay . . . .



3.5 Stars rounded up because I need some wiggle room as I continue the series and also because the final action sequence went on just a wee bit too long for my liking. I blame the waning of my attention during that bit on my lack of penis. Happy belated International Women’s Day ; )

Hung by Aya Fukunishi

3 Stars

 

Up to this point when I’ve received an unsolicited review request from an author I have not heard of before I have immediately throw them in the spam-is-not-real-meat folder and never look back. But when this author messaged me (and began with “sorry to bother you” rather than READMYSPECIALSNOWFLAKENOW!) comparing her latest release to that of the Trailer Park Virgin and then I read what may be the best blurb in the history of ever I knew that there’s a first time for everything and rules were meant to be broken and yada yada yada. Don’t like it????



The “plot” (term used as lightly as possible) of Hung is that Jill and Josh’s parents married a year or so ago. Due to the high rent in NYC and the fact that Josh’s dad is kind of a loser the two have been forced to share a room which has led to . . .

“I kinda wanna fuck my stepbrother.”

Yes please. Oh spare me your holier than thou. Don’t tell me you’ve never been turned on by stepbrother bangery . . . .



That’s what I thought. Alright, so up until this point our girl Jill has waited until Josh went to sleep before digging her best friend out from behind the mattress and easing her stress – or at least that’s what she thought. However, it only takes one wardrobe malfunction for the two to explore a night of Netflix and Chill and then wooooooooooo doggy . . .



Jill is hot to trot and is up for anything. I mean we’re talking AN.Y.THANG. . . .



And that’s the part where it lost me. Bedposts are for decoration only. Zoinks!



Many thanks to the author for providing a copy in exchange for an honest review. You are a filthy pervert and I love it . . . Just not enough to do it with my own bed ; )