Why Not Me? by Mindy Kaling

2 Stars

Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaan. I was really hoping I’d like this one more. I mean, Mindy and I have quite a bit in common and I thought we could possibly be kindred spirits. We both enjoy testing out new inventions . . .


(Who says you can’t take alcohol in to youth sporting events? Amateurs!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Speaking of alcohol, we both abide by the policy that alcohol “when obtained, need[s] to be ingested quickly in case someone trie[s] to take it away. You know, the way a raccoon eats from a garbage can” . . . .



We both think the best day at work is a day when someone is having a birthday and there is free cake to be scored . . .



We agree that being a feminist simply means “that men and women are created equal.” It doesn’t mean anyone with a penis is the enemy (just those named Jeff and Ron 2.0).

We both believe that the only way to truly get something in life is to earn it. (Thank Jeebus for the story about her mother and her thoughts on “participation trophies” – GO MINDY’S MOM!)

We both have body issues, but have learned to say F*&^ IT! and order a Big Mac sometimes anyway . . .



But then I learned that she doesn’t watch reality television . . .



I know, right? Blasphemous. In fact, her lack of knowledge about nearly everything pop culture related kind of boggled my mind. I get that she works like 18 hour days, but you’d think if you have become famous by writing adorkable 20/30-somethings you would at least know the character names of “that guy from Magic Mike, who also played a hot werewolf and was supposed to have a huge wang” . . . . .



Mmmmmmm, huge wang. Where was I? Oh yeah – Mindy’s lack of pop culture knowledge. It’s almost like she’s Anne a Martian!

She also admitted she dreams of being best buds with Goop, which just makes me want to . . . .



And followed that up with yet another reference to Caddyshack NOT being funny, which had me scared she was a closeted “offended by errrrything” type of B-Lister (seriously, check your vagina at the door if that’s what it takes because Caddyshack is a motherf’ing classic). However, later she told a story about offending an anti-vaxxing popstar and redeemed herself a wee little bit.

It didn’t last long, though, when she talked about Seth Rogan being a good kisser . . .



Just no. But once again she had a redemption arc by admitting that everyone in Hollywood lies about the fact that doing a sex scene is “uncomfortable” and “just another part of the job.” Nope, Mindy freely owns that “sex scenes are the tits.” Hehehehehe.

Bottom line is, for a book written by a comedian, this wasn’t full of hardy hars. There was a little too much talking about how she’s always been the funniest person in the room (while not being particularly funny in her anecdotes) and continual name-dropping of various meet/cutes with the President (I could elaborate, but I’ve already met my quota on offending dozens of GR members this month) for me to fully get on board. However, if you (or a young female in your life) are looking for some good advice regarding owning who you are, Mindy surprisingly had some quality stuff to offer:

“Work hard, know your shit, show your shit, and then feel entitled. Listen to no one except the two smartest and kindest adults you know, and that doesn’t always mean you parents. If you do that, you will be fine.”

And also:

“No food is as delicious as food you eat standing a foot away from a trash can. Ask any possum.”

That’s right, Mindy. I may no longer find you relatable as I did in Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me , but we’ll always have . . . .



ORIGINAL "REVIEW":

After reading Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me , I fell fast and hard for Mindy Kaling. However, by Season 3 of The Mindy Project I was more like this . . .



and her television program no longer made the cut for my DVR schedule.

Can she write a good second book? Or has she become an insufferable asshole? Those questions and more will be answered this Fall.

<i>ARC provided by Crown Publishing in exchange for an honest review.</i>

Brutal Youth by Anthony Breznican

3 Stars

 

“No one is your friend at that school. Not a single person. Everyone you think you care about will disappoint you. They’ll all hurt you in the end.”

Brutal Youth is the story of Noah Stein, Peter Davidek and Lorelei Paskal – three freshmen hoping to start St. Michael’s private school with a clean slate. What they find when they get there is a powder keg ready to blow. The three discover they will be subjected to a year-long hazing . . .



With teachers who have zero desire to do anything except collect a paycheck making sure things don’t go too far . . .



They also will come to learn they are part of a nearly bankrupt parish ran by the most corrupt of religious leaders . . .


(Phrasing, Joel. Seriously.)

And they definitely shouldn’t expect any help from their parents. They don’t exactly lead by example at home, so they’ve placed their kids in the hands of St. Michael’s in order to teach them all about the way of the Lord . . .



The three will have to ride out the entire year before the mistreated will finally get their revenge – in the form of a reading from an upper classman’s journal of secrets at the year-end . . .



But before then Noah, Peter, and Lorelei’s secrets will be learned.

Brutal Youth has an average rating of 4.00 from my Goodreads peeps. I am very willing to say I read this one wrong. In fact, I read it soooooo wrong that I’ve been debating on whether or not to rate this as low as 2 Stars. I’m going to go ahead and make it 3, though, because YA that pushes the envelope is most definitely something that falls in my wheelhouse even when I don’t really love the end result, and because I dug the message as a whole . . .

“The things we surrender to when we’re young, we keep surrendering to the rest of our lives.”

Unfortunately I had a bit of a hard time connecting to the story or the characters. The story seemed to really drag on and on for me. There were a lot of characters in this one and nearly all of them were fully fleshed out which got old. It also seemed extremely farfetched that an entire school’s population would consist of 100% assholes. On the other hand, it could have been as simple as wrong place/wrong time. Whatever the reason I kept putting this one down and then picking it back up, which resulted in the reading of three other books while attempting to finish this one.

As I said, a lot of my friends have read Brutal Youth and nearly all of them gave it a high rating. Hayden is a friend who doesn’t always write a review, so when I see him taking time to say something I pay attention.

Wrecked by Sinclair Jayne

2 Stars

 

It's October, which means the men in my house have zero interest in interacting with me except to bark requests for soda refills, another cookie, and the mandatory "good luck pizza" we've been forced to eat during every Cubs' game. Rather than wallow in my neglect, I have opted to read some *cough* scientific journals *cough* . . .



Unfortunately this one wasn't a winner. When I read the synopsis that Wrecked would be the story of a sexy surfer I was 100% in the game . . .



Seriously Mitchell?!?!?!? I've changed my mind. You're no longer allowed to help gif hunt. Now where was I? Oh yeah, sexy surfer . . .



who is all broke down and busted after a serious wipeout is hiding out at his ex-girlfriend's Grandma's beach house when said ex-girlfriend ends up at the same location in order to hide out as well. I knew it would only be a matter of time before she had to tame that trouser snake . . .



What I didn't expect was these pushing 30-year olds to be the angstiest mahfahs on the West coast. Hollis was all . . .



and Kadan was all . . .



which left me all . . .



The sexytimes were fairly sexy, but there was so little story to help move things along. And what there was pissed me off. Hollis was a freakin' Stage 5 Clinger and dude should have stayed faaaaaaaar far away. Even at the end of the story it seemed pretty clear their pattern would probably continue for eternity . . .



Ugggggh. Many apologies to Clayton Kershaw for the porny reads not working to clinch Game 5 for his team . . . .



Apparently my dirty book reading habits only work to ensure Chicago victories *shrug*.

 

ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

Thank you, NetGalley!

Life After Dane by Edward Lorn

4 Stars

 

What a month this has been! I had about eleventy-three library books checked out, Shelby and the smut pushers kept dragging me over to NetGalley to check out porn, and then Mitchell gets up in my ear saying “but it’s Stabtober – we haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaave to read something by Ed Lorn. We just haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaave to.” I was all like shut the fuck up, Mitchell!!!! that’ll do, pig . . .



Now that I’ve read Life After Date I’m here to say my buddy owes me one. To say this book was disturbing is the understatement of the century. Helpful hint to others: Don’t Google “disturbing gif” ‘cause this is what comes up . . . .


*shudder*

Anywho, Life After Dane is the story of serial killer Dane Peters . . .



That ain’t candy, James Woods. Nope, the calling card that earned Dane the nickname “The Rest Stop Dentist” and also landed him a date with a lethal injection was a trail of teeth. It’s Dane’s belief that the teeth will lead him home – and home is where his momma will come to realize . . .



Now, I’m familiar with Ed Lorn’s work and I know he can write some disturbing shite. But this?????? This book took it to a whole new level. Kudos to you, Ed, for writing my most hated character to date. Spoiler alert: It wasn’t the undead serial killer. I don’t get worked up about much, but one Ms. Ella May Peters was enough to make me put the book down a time or three. I wanted her to be real, standing in front of me, so I could . . .



Additional kudos for the obscene amount of gross-out factor. Since I’m an extremely deranged individual, the squickier the better and this one had plenty of squick. And also fecal matter. There was a lot of shitting of the pants in this story. But in all seriousness – if you were confronted by a not-so-dead psycho killer, what would you do????



That’s right, Al Roker. You sho did.

As you may or may not know, Ed Lorn is one of my friends. That doesn’t change my rating, though. (In case you haven’t already heard through the GR grapevine, I’m a huge bitch and also a bully.) I rate ‘em as I see ‘em and although Ed has told me this is his personal favorite of everything he has written, for me it was hovering around the 3.5 Star mark. Dat ending tho! Holy shitnacks!

My fave has been and continues to be Bay’s End. Much thanks to Easy E for the Easter Egg left behind in Dane. And many more thanks for the autographed copy of my favorite book (which I PAID FOR so STFU haters). Just look how happy my surprise made Mitchell . . .



Booksource: Amazon sale about a hundred years ago that I’m just now getting around to reading (*whatwhat*). If I like an author sometimes I’m willing to fork over a couple dollars.

Childstar 1 by J.J. McAvoy

5 Stars

 

“The only love that lasts in Hollywood is the one we fake and sell to others.”

Let me offer my advance apologies for the shrinking of the lady boners which will commence in 3, 2, . . . .

When I saw a book about child stars all groweds up and attempting a comeback via a Mr. & Mrs. Smith meets 50 Shades movie I was ALL. OVER. IT. I mean, cheese is my favorite food group and this???? This sounded . . .



Then I began to picture the “child stars” themselves . . .





Don’t say I didn’t warn you, but AmIRight or AmIRight? America’s sweetheart who is desperate to change her image and the once golden boy who is now all f*&^%d up on drugs????? DELICIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!! Also, even though the two aforementioned former stars might be hot messes, you still would probably bang them. I mean seriously, look at Shia LeBeouf’s body . . .



It’s just one of those things that has to be your own private dirty little secret because you would never hear the end of it, but your husband wonders why you’re such a Sia fan all of a sudden and keep watching her video on a loop for hours and hours and hours.

Anyway. I had been interested in J.J. McAvoy because Ruthless People sounded like it might be up-my-alley as far as a porny read goes, but since I’m super cheap I was afraid to spend more than zero dollars on it. When Shelby noted Child Star up for grabs I immediately clicked the request button. I was not disappointed. Not only was the story actually fresh for a change - yes, the two were former lovers thrown back together – but the whole child star twist kinda made the tired trope go *poof*. Plus the smex? Whoooooooosssssssaaaaaaaah! Yowza. In case you were curious, eventually I stopped picturing Shia and let my fantasy evolve . . .



Yeah, dude don’t even have a beard in the book, but long hair sure as shit don’t care.

This book was super hawt, it had a plot, and I can’t wait to read the next one (dammit). While I would loooooooove to give this m-fer 1 Star simply for the fact that it is a SERIAL and the only thing I hate more than a series than a farking serial(!!!!!), McAvoy is doing it the smart way and the entire thing will be a rap and released as one book by Thanksgiving. What better way to spend some quality time with the family around the holidays then by reading porn?????



#boooooiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnng

Every star. Not even sorry.

ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

Thank you, NetGalley!

Daytripper by Fábio Moon and Gabriel Bá

4 Stars

 

♫♪♫♪♫♪She was a day tripper, a one way ticket yeah ♫♪♫♪♫♪



If I finally get off my duff and write this review will I stop singing this song???? Please????????????

Some may say Daytripper was “a story about death.” But in actuality, it was “really about life . . . but death has a big part in it.”

This was a book about a man who “wanted to write about life,” but found himself only writing about death.

It was about searing for “the moment that won’t fade. The moment we all search for.”

It was about realizing that “in order to go after your dreams – you must live your life.”

It was about how “we carry our family inside of us. It’s who we are.”

It was about finding love and that no matter how many “Lolas” you see, there’s always that ONE woman you’re thinking of.

It was about the realization that “only when you accept that one day you’ll die can you let go and make the best out of life.”

It was the story of Brás de Oliva Domingos - “the story of my life. Take a deep breath, open your eyes and close the book.”

It was pretty phenomenal and even though a Stupidheaded Jeff Goldblum Hater
recommended it to me, he was right this one time. It even made me have a feeling . . .



Which is almost unforgiveable. And while I know diddly squat about art so you should probably take this part with like A POUND of salt, I found the full page panels to be absolutely breathtaking . . .







There was even a cameo by yours truly . . .



Highly recommended.