How to Run with a Naked Werewolf by Molly Harper

3.5 Stars

Casey’s chomping at the bit for this one, so let me puke something out right quick.

In my opinion, rarely can things go wrong when reading a werewolf porn scientific journal on modern day lycanthropy and How To Run with a Naked Werewolf held true to that line of thinking. If nothing else, these types of books are pert near guaranteed to provide a description of this feller as the leading male . . .



Generally they also require a change of underdrawers. My old lady brain is failing me and I can’t remember details regarding the sexuals, so they must not have sent my hoo on fire, but I do remember this was more of a slow burner with lots of flirty times with a storyline that was a lot of fun. Also I remember thinking a lot about stuff like this . . . .



The story here is about Anna, a former doctor turned woman on the run from her psycho ex. Up until recently Anna was hiding with Grundy wolfpack, serving as the resident doc, but when she caught word that her husband would soon be on her tail she hightailed it out of there. While trying to make her way to Alaska and a new identity waiting her, Anna has an unfortunate (*cough her car gets blown up cough*) meet/cute with Caleb - bounty hunter by day, lone wolf by night. Realizing Anna’s lack of transportation is his fault and other (no spoilsies) reasons Caleb offers Anna a lift if she doesn’t mind traveling at a meandering pace so Caleb can do his job as he makes his way to the Great North.

You know what that means, right? Plenty of time for Caleb to go all wolfy and say things like . . . .

“Mine. You stay with me.”

And also lots of shared motel rooms which meant . . . .



And talk about smelling like “fresh wind and moss” and eventually smexystuff like growly noises and wanting to get a little bitey and BOY OH BOY! . . . .



STFU Sookie! Your series ended up shitting the bed . . . .



Tell her Pam!

Anyway, this was a pretty decent little escape from reality. I love how werewolf books use normal human names instead of bullshit like what can be found in any given CoHo. I liked that Caleb was an alpha-ish dude who took charge, but not in a controlling freakshow type of way. I really loved how when Anna thought things weren’t okay for her she ended up being begged to . . . .

“S-stop T-t-tasering me!”

And, of course, I loved . . . .



I’m sticking with 3.5 Stars just like I did for How to Flirt with a Naked Werewolf. Many thanks to the porny librarian for having this complete series to fulfill my pervey desires. I skipped Book 2 because it was about a chick wolf and . . . . well, blah. No shame here, I like the wolves with wieners. However, I dig Molly Harper’s writing so I’m hoping Better Homes and Hauntings is available for request too.

If I Was Your Girl by Meredith Russo

1 Star


I was going to not post anything in my review space and make some sort of disclaimer instead stating “sometimes you just probably shouldn’t write anything at all,” but then I saw my friend Rachel had already done that and I didn’t really want to get sued for plagiarism, so here I am. Instead of leaving nothing, I’m going to use the author’s own words . . . . .

“I have, in some ways, cleaved to stereotypes and even bent rules to make Amanda’s trans-ness as unchallenging to normative assumptions as possible. She knew from a very young age. She is exclusively attracted to boys. She is entirely feminine. She passes as a woman with little to no effort. She had a surgery that her family should not have been able to afford, and she started hormones through legitimate channels before she probably could have in the real world.”



I can’t endorse a book that claims to tackle a controversial subject and doesn’t have the guts to confront anything at all. Well, anything except the importance of having a boyfriend rather than figuring out how to be comfortable with yourself and stereotypical male/cisgender/hetero/whatever-you-want-to-label-them bullies, of course, because those people are so likely to (1) ever read this book to begin with and (2) willing to change their bigoted ways after finishing it.

Want a book about a child questioning their gender identity? Skip this one and go for Gracefully Grayson if you’re looking for a YA choice or This Is How It Always Is for a “grown-up” selection.

Creep by Jennifer Hillier

4 Stars



Many thanks to my friend Jennifer for writing a review that put this little diddy on my radar in the first place. The title pretty much was a “you had me at hello” moment and by the time I got around to . . . .

“Welcome to my workroom. This is where I get rid of the mess.”

I was like . . . . .



Sheila Tao didn’t really think much about starting an affair with her teaching assistant Ethan a few months ago. I mean really, they were both consenting adults and it was only kind of unethical. When Dr. Tao’s boyfriend unexpectedly proposed, she knew it was time to cut things off with Ethan. And that’s when things got a little . . . .



This was my idea of a perfect Sunday afternoon read. There wasn’t a whole lot of focus on the “whodunit” aspect, but rather watching all of the skeletons fall out of the two main characters’ closets. The writing style kept the pages turning and the pacing made for not many lulls in the story. Even one particular moment that made me say . . . .



Due to it being the biggest coinky-dink in the history of coinky-dinks didn’t lessen my enjoyment much. The only thing that did? Seeing this is labeled as part of a series. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Jennifer Hillier, you’re lucky I had so much fun with this. Generally I would take one of your stars away for that.

If you’re looking for a bit darker than the average thriller that might leave you asking . . . . .

“Now who’s the psychopath?”

Spoiler Alert: It’s probably still me. DEFINITELY still Mitchell. But maybe it’s you as well.

On the other hand, if you’re someone who adds books like this to your TBR simply to bash or not finish or manwomanwhateversplain to the world how dumb readers are for daring to enjoy things that are obviously sooooo stupid and beneath your literary genius, please do everyone a favor and leave this off your TBR. And while you're at it, you can take that attitude . . . . .



Understand????

A Girl Named Zippy by Haven Kimmel

4 Stars





I should probably leave well enough alone and not post any sort of review regarding little Zippy, but I’m not gonna. I’ve been seeing this title pop up on various lists and whatnot for YEARS now and always managed to avoid it due to the eternal question I ask myself whenever I see a memoir written by a non-famous person: “WTF was so special about you that you think everyone else wants to read about it???” But then the dang thing came back again when I was perusing the Faceplace and saw my library’s weekly question post, which this time around was “what’s the last book you read that made you laugh out loud.” Some of the answers provided by rando strangers on the interwebs I agreed with, some made me want to find out where they live so I could go smack them around a bit for obviously being super unfunny people and probably a real drag to hang around with and then there was Zippy. Again. I popped over to GR and saw my few friends who had read it had enjoyed it and then I noticed reviews from others. Those people belong in a category I like to call . . . .



It didn’t take long for me to figure out this might be my type of memoir when on Page 2 I discovered the author’s sister’s reaction when she discovered Haven Kimmel planned on writing about growing up in their small town was . . .

“I know who might read such a book. A person lying in a hospital bed with no television and no roommate. Just lying there. Maybe waiting for a physical therapist. And then here comes a candy striper with a squeaky library cart and on that cart there is only one book – or maybe two books: yours, and Cooking with Pork. I can see how a person would be grateful for Mooreland then.”

Since I had already read Cooking with Pork myself, I figured what the hell. And what did I find? First, I really did laugh out loud and second . . .

“It’s a memoir, and a sigh of gratitude, a way of returning.”


I spent nearly the entire book trying to figure out why (aside from the fact that a lot of pieces of Zippy’s life – especially those of the camping variety - seemed to mimic my upbringing) I was having quite the spell of déjà vu all the way up to the last page when finally it dawned on me . . . . .



And speaking of that last page. Dammit woman!!!!!



WTF? I thought I was signing up for something that triggered everybody and their brother, not one that made my eyeballs get tingly with happy tears about dogs as Father’s Day presents or the most magical Christmas ever.

Now, before you go putting this on your TBR, here are some things I know almost for certain about the people who will be able to enjoy this book:

1. They need to be a bit long in the tooth. This is the story of a girl who was brought up in the late ‘60s and early ‘70s. It’s not what you would call “politically correct” so the younger generation will definitely find 1 or 12 things to get worked up about.

2. They need to be familiar with small town life. We’re talking about real small town life – Zippy grew up in a town with a population of 300.

3. They have to be able to differentiate between animal abuse and (i) farm living as well as (ii) the foreshadowing that your neighbor Petey Scoggs might grow up to become Jeffrey Dahmer.

4. An appreciation of this statement regarding food groups as being gospel: “fried, meat, bread, coke, and ice cream. She was an excellent cook.” A first-hand knowledge of the difference between a FryDaddy and a FryGranddaddy is also a necessity.

5. A pretty iron stomach, being raised with an aluminum Christmas tree (and if you were rich, the accompanying color wheel) in your house (and not because it’s awesomely “retro” now – even though I agree it is), knowing how bad it sucked to have to “ride the hump” or sit in the “way-way back” of the Family Truckster on road trips, and quite possibly have your only braggable talent being that you could “sing along with every word of a complicated song” (for Zippy, it was the “canticle part of Scarborough Fair” – for me it was We Didn’t Start the Fire by Billy Joel).

Did you answer in the affirmative/take a trip down memory lane with respect to all of the above? If so, maybe you should give this one a try . . . .



If not? Well, go ahead and fill this out in triplicate and Shelby will be with you shortly . . . .

 

Monster by Walter Dean Myers

4 Stars

“My job is to make sure the law works for you as well as against you, and to make you a human being in the eyes of the jury. Your job is to help me.”
You may recall several months ago a horrific tragedy befell my family – I LOST MY KINDLE IN MY OWN HOUSE!!!! I did what any sane reader would do and immediately went into meltdown mode and demanded the okay to order a new one (which was promptly given to me because I = psychopath and even the hubs don’t want to mess with me when I’m having a B.F.). After an hour or so I came to my senses (well, as much as is possible) and realized I should be placing the emphasis of the Kindle being lost IN MY OWN HOUSE. I figured as soon as the new one arrived I’d find the old and have to eat serious amounts of crow for eternity. So I did another thing that’s sure to win me my Mother Of The Year Award once again and purloined the youngest’s reader instead (since he pretty much only used it for Minecraft and that is whack). Months went by and then like magic my Kindle fell out from between the slats in the dining room chair where it had managed to wedge itself and remain incognito so long ago and I realized that if both Kindles were attached to my account I could force suggest a buddy read . . . .



You see, the young one is not necessarily a fan of reading, but it does count for a pretty whopping portion of his ELA grade so he is obligated. Last year he proved he was definitely not adopted when he hid in the john for 20 minutes every night like a shady little son-of-a-gun and wasn’t really reading at all. This year I learned from my mistake and had him read a book I had already read (The Absolutely True Diary of a Part Time Indian if you’re curious.) And guess what happened?????



He still doesn’t loooooooove to read (and most assuredly stops when his 20 page requirement is over no matter how interesting he finds what’s going on), but he doesn’t moan and groan if presented contemporary realistic fiction. He also likes a low page count and he prefers an unconventional style if we can find it. And allllllllllllllllllllllllll of that ramble is what led us to Monster.

Monster is . . . .

“The incredible story of how one guy’s life was turned around by a few events and how he might spend the rest of his life behind bars. Told as it actually happened!”

The main character is Steve Harmon, a 16 year old boy who is on trial for murder of a corner store owner in Harlem. While only being accused of playing “lookout” for the men who actually committed the robbery/ended up shooting the victim, a zero tolerance policy for violent crimes has Steve facing 25 to life just as if he were the one who pulled the trigger.

Before getting sent to jail to wait out his trial date, Steve’s favorite hobby was making movies. Therefore, Monster reads like a screenplay and the reader discovers that . . . .

“Most people in our community are decent, hardworking citizens who pursue their own interests legally and without infringing on the rights of others. But there are also monsters in our communities – people who are willing to steal and to kill, people who disregard the rights of others.”

Over the course of 281 pages, you get to decide which category you think Steve belongs in.

This was a winner for both the kidlet and myself. A super fast read that easily held the interest of even the not-so-dedicated reader. It also presented quite the resume for itself: Michael L. Printz Award (2000), Coretta Scott King Award for Author Honor (2000), Lincoln Award Nominee (2005), National Book Award Finalist for Young People's Literature (1999), Boston Globe-Horn Book Award Honor for Fiction (1999) which leads me to my one gripe –NOT about the book, but about middle-school teaching/philosophies/beliefs/whatever in general . . . .



This book was ON A GIANT BULLETIN BOARD OF “RECOMMENDED READS” in the teacher’s classroom when we went in for Spring Parent/Teacher Conferences. Like Ralphie’s father in A Christmas Story, it won alllll the major awards. My kid read it BASED ON THE TEACHER’S SUGGESTION. And yet it’s not a story that is allowed to be discussed in class. Why the eff not????? Seriously parents, these kids are 12 and 13 years old. Steve Harmon was only 16 in this book when his entire life was potentially going to be snatched away from him. Books like this show the privileged suburbanite a taste of what really goes on in the world. Stop hiding them from your children and stop bitching at teachers that your special snowflake is too precious and delicate to know about the atrocities of modern day American and READ THEM WITH YOUR KID. Then talk about it. Then tell them about real life situations when you hear them on the news. Make sure they know the consequences in order to see that they (hopefully) won’t put themselves at the wrong place at the wrong time. Don’t stick your head in the sand for cripes sake!

If you have any other suggestions that fit the bill of realistic middle-grade fiction, please share below. My kid might not be super thankful, but I will be ; )

All Grown Up by Jami Attenberg

2 Stars

One word review: Meh.

I feel like I channeled my inner Barney Stinson and shouted from the rooftops “CHALLENGE ACCEPTED” to this dare . . . .



I also learned maybe the only thing that works less for me than the short story is the vignette. Especially a whole shit-ton of them starring Andrea, the fictional character I’d most like to punch in the throat so far this year.

In addition, I’m terrified that this book is supposed to be all about . . . .



Dear young people. It’s not. Andrea is an asshole. Everyone in her life thinks she’s an asshole (and most of them are assholes too). She does nothing for the women’s movement except make us all look like assholes. Don’t be like Andrea. Don’t be an asshole.

Please note the other book I’ve read by Attenburg (The Middlesteins) was pretty decent and the writing here was quality (just about an insufferable asshole if you couldn’t read through all my subtlety above) so I’m not necessarily giving up on her just yet.

Hot Head by Damon Suede

4 Stars

I haven’t read a lot of M/M – mainly because the porny librarian must be the straightest straight that ever straighted and doesn’t have a lot of them up for request. Hot Head was always available for request, but I avoided it so I wouldn’t get drawn and quartered in the town square if I ended up disagreeing with all of my GR friends. But guess what??????



I read the shit out of this thing right!

The story here is about Dante and Griffin, two firemen in Red Hook post 9/11. The two have been friends for as long as they can remember and Griff was practically adopted by Dante’s family when his mother passed away and his emotionally unavailble father became even more distant. Since Griffin’s wife divorced him, he’s noticed his feelings for Dante haven’t been quite as brotherly as they used to be. When Dante finds himself in a jam and in need of some quick cash before he loses his house he signs up on the local porn site “Hot Heads” where he will be paid to pull the pud or burp the worm or pump the stump or spank his crank or whatever wordsmithery is of your choosing. Dante discovers he can make even more money if he brings a friend to the shoot. Between Griff’s loyalty to his friend and his own curiosity regarding his feelings, he agrees to uhhhhh lend a hand *wink*. And then?????? This girl was on fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrreeeeeee . . . . .



I did have a couple of obstacles to overcome, so this will show you just how good Hot Head really was.

#1. Dante. Italian stallion fireman. So easy to picture . . . . .



Then I was told Griffin was a giant ginger and being the mother of white-trashy types of male humans I could only imagine Sheamus from WWE fame. I guess it could have been worse . . . .



There were also some sexytimes things that just don’t appeal to me at all . . . .



But once I got past that everything else was good. REEEEEEEL GUD . . . . .



Color me surprised when it ended up being so adorably sweet in addition to being wicked hot. If you’re a pornohead who believes that . . . .



And wants to experience all the feely feels you haven’t felt since back when Jesus was a toddler and this gem was released . . . .



I highly recommend this one.