Dirty Red by Tarryn Fisher

1 Star

 

Yep, I one-starred this sucker. Here’s what I need all you fangirls to do while I explain . . .



I really dug The Opportunist and made the rare exception of placing Book #2 on my TBR because the storyline peaked my curiosity. I admittedly HATE books in a series and rarely read past the first. The reason? Because there is always SO. MUCH. FILLER. There’s hardly ever enough material to produce three (or more) books – especially in the romance/NA/erotica/whateveryouwanttocallthem genres. Buuuuuuuuut, when a book fairy gifts you a book in order for you to take the hit so she doesn’t have to, there’s kinda no choice but to read Book #2. Guess what I found????



The Opportunist worked for me because #1 it was different (even with the tired trope of accident induced amnesia), #2 Olivia was an unlikable character, but you weren’t supposed to like her (at best she would end up as the lesser of two evils), and #3 Tarryn Fisher is bad at romance in the best way possible. I too am bad at romance, and that is why I want to spend hours braiding her raven locks love reading her stories. Sadly, Dirty Red was the book of filler/throw everything at the wall and see what might stick. There was the re-hashing of The Opportunist’s story, there were “twists,” there was the “character development” (I use that term in the loosest manner possible) of Big Red herself . . .



However, this book wasn’t necessary at all. Big Red was soooooo one dimensional that it became pretty clear even the author wasn’t that interested in her story. And Caleb? Nothing like getting to know someone deeper than surface level only to discover you want to smack that bitch . . .



All that being said, I’m still gonna read #3. Because Tarryn Fisher has me caught up like a fish on a damn hook and I just have to find out where all this ends up . . .

“Love is illogical. You fall into it like a manhole. Then you’re just stuck. You die in love more than you live in love.”

And speaking of fish – looky looky . . .



This is Billy Bass, a/k/a the only guy in my house that might be able to drink me under the table. Many thanks to my fellow connoisseur of fine brews JaHy for this book hookup. Your selection ended up being the perfect excuse for imbibing in a couple of grown-up root beers.

Perfect Days by Raphael Montes

3 Stars

 

Might as well go ahead and file this one under “that awkward moment when a book about a nutter who kidnaps the girl of his dreams isn’t quite weird enough to please me” . . .



Perfect Days had a ton of potential. I mean the very first chapter started off by explaining how the main character Teo (a medical student), has made besties for the resties with a fellow classmate named Gertrude. The only problem? Gertrude is the cadaver . . .



Ahhhh, quit being such a stiff! It’s not like they had the smexy relations.

The story goes on to show Teo meeting the female lead, Clarice, for the first time. The two exchange pleasantries at a party, Teo ummmmm acquires Clarice’s number and he sets his sights on making sure another meet-cute happens in the future. When Clarice isn’t appreciative of Teo’s advances, he realizes it’s just because she needs more time to get to know him. He’s nothing if not a real giver, so he arranges a romantic getaway for the two of them and refuses to take no for an answer . . . .



The remainder of the story is how Teo and Clarice’s relationship ummmmmm evolves over time . . .



And here’s the part where I become kind of a butthole. I liked Teo and his tale of Perfect Days just fine – I just didn’t like like him. I mean, obviously I enjoy nutty stories and dark subject matter and I 100% saw the pitch-black humor that was contained within the pages of this book . . .

“On days when Clarice was in a bad mood, he avoided being around her. He suspected she might have some sort of bipolar disorder, that it was pathological.”

^^^^Hehehehe. That’s good stuff. Unfortunately, there was something missing in this one and I have to blame it on a man named Joe . . .



If you have already fallen in some form of creepy, dermanged love with met Joe, you’ll totally understand. If you haven’t met Joe, you should make it a priority to do so ASAP. When writing about a despicable character and taboo subject matter, an author reaaaaaaally needs to be willing to go there. He or she has two options: (1) Write the most horrible person you can that your readers will love to hate (Brett Easton Ellis and Herman Koch are farkin’ EXPERTS at this) or (2) Write the most horrible person you can and make your readers fall in love with him (see Joe above and also Dexter). Whichever path is chosen, the plot has to GO. THERE. There can be no pause, no break in momentum, the story simply has to be balls to the wall with crazy. Bottom line, as bizarre as it may sound, Perfect Days just didn’t go far enough for me. That being said, my friend Elyse found it to be 5-Star perfection, so I will probably end up being the odd one out when this is finally released.

ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

Thank you, NetGalley!

The Coliseum by Patrick Lestewka

4 Stars

 

"You feed me and I feed you and that’s what makes the world go round . . ."

The Coliseum. Man oh man. There are so few words. Luckily the interwebs are full of tons of pictures! Let me begin by recommending this charming little tale of prison life be read directly before a huge meal . . .



No, not really. In fact, I don’t recommend reading this at all. There’s a very exclusive section of society who would find this book enjoyable. They are known as Trudi and Mitchell.

Welcome to The Coliseum - the newest type of supermax prison. With the death penalty off the table, a group of lobbyists get approval for a former hockey arena to be . . . . renovated in order to keep the worst of the worst type of humans off the streets. Once you enter the Coliseum, it’s every man for himself. The guards are on the outside, the food is dropped from the sky, it’s every man for himself. The only bright side is the neverending loop of that wonderful Huey Lewis and the News tune “Hip to be Square” . . .



This is the story of what happens when Albert, a man who probably shouldn’t have bought himself that present . . .



offs the wrong guy who was banging his wife. It’s also about Jackson, the charming religious zealot who Jim Jones’d his followers . . .



And last, but certainly not least, it’s about Harlan . . .



a fella who wasn’t ever quite the same after his run-in with “Groundskeeper Willie” as a child. (Sidenote to anyone who gives a poop: Harlan will go down as one of my fave characters this year.)

Speaking of poop . . .



There’s a lot of poop in this story. And entrails. So many entrails. As I stated right from the jump, this one isn’t for everybody. Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut, if you are of sound mind and rock-solid stomach, you should go for it. Ain’t nothing like discovering one of my favorite authors had an even darker persona than the one I’ve already experienced . . .



Many thanks once again to Trudi. Without her review I wouldn’t even know this book (or pen-name) existed. Wait, what you got there, Trudi????



Whew! Just some more Kool-Aid? I’d loooooooooooove another cup.

The Little Brother by Victoria Patterson

4 Stars

 

“Picture something so terrible that for the rest of your life you don't know how to deal with it.



He ain’t playin’ around, Doc. The Little Brother is the story of brothers Even and Gabe. Separated by divorce, Even chose to live with their father – Gabe stayed with their mother. Even remained . . . fairly even. Gabe? Notsomuch. The main plotline centers around a homemade porno featuring Gabe, a couple of buddies and the girl who was once Even’s first kiss, but . . .



It’s about what happens when you choose to do the right thing – while watching the indefensible attempt to be defended. It’s about what happens to a “slut” who had sex with at least two of the three boys the day before claiming she didn’t want it the next night. It’s about consent and what happens when the person who is supposed to be consenting isn’t in control of her faculties enough to do so. It’s violent and graphic and nauseating and brutal and REAL.

It seems like stories of rape have recently replaced “orange as the new black” – but right when I want to say enough is enough I read something like The Little Brother. Books like this need to continue to be written. It wasn’t cliché. It didn’t sugarcoat something horrifying in an attempt to make it “beautiful” or romantic and sell copies. In fact, there are a whopping 100 ratings on Goodreads for this book so it’s probably not flying off the shelves. But it should be.

The Grownup by Gillian Flynn

3 Stars

 

Before I begin this “review” – here’s a little Public Service Announcement for all you fine folks. While The Grownup had a publication date of yesterday – the story actually came out back in 2014 under the title What Do You Do? (Sidenote: New title is mucho better) which was contained in the short story collection Rogues. When I hopped over to the library website there were FIFTY people ahead of me for The Grownup. There were zero for Rogues. Ha! Take that stupids! This little experiment also proved (once again) that . . .



Now, on to the story. Don’t let my rating fool you – it’s because I fail at short stories, not because the story itself was a failure. The Grownup is the tale of a woman who had a pretty horrible childhood. Forced to panhandle by her lazy sloth of a mother, she took the first chance that came her way in order to escape. That chance came at a place called “Spiritual Palms” . . .

I’d answered an ad for a receptionist. It turned out “receptionist” meant “hooker.”

Like déjà vu all over again. No worries, my dear MC – it happens to the best of us.

It’s at Spirutal Palms where our leading lady makes a real name for herself – in the form of rubber-gloving-up and performing 23,456 handies over a three-year period . . .



Unfortunately, with that much repeated hand motion carpal tunnel syndrome was inevitable. Lucky for our MC she also was blessed with an ability to see auras which lead to a job not in the sticky back room. That is where she meets Susan, a wealthy woman who is experiencing some difficulty adjusting to life in her renovated mansion, as well as with her stepson. The boy seems a little . . . off. Or maybe he’s just pubing out? I don’t know. I have a teenager and I’m always struggling to figure out if he’s possessed by a demon or simply hormonal . . .



Whatever the case may be, it’s Flynn so some twists and turns and stuff and things then ensue. And then? Well, then it ended. Dammit! I was just getting warmed up. But again, it’s Flynn. I have a feeling her response to my cries of wanting more of her story would be something like this . . .



I did indeed whatever. Pass me another cup of Kool-Aid, you booktease. I’m still thirsty.

The Great Forgetting by James Renner

5 Stars

 

“Life is long. Longer than we allow ourselves to remember.”



Understatement of the year. I motherf-ing LOVED this. Holy hell. Where do I begin? Okay, so The Great Forgetting grabs you right from the cover. So appealing to the eye, so understated, so perfect. Then you open it and discover it’s totally un-put-down-able . . . and that it’s also one of those books where anything you say about it might be considered too much. Which leaves a Kelly and Mitchell combo who have looked pretty much like this ever since finishing the book on Saturday . . .



The basics are our MC Jack is a history teacher who plans to spend his summer vacation giving his sister a much needed break from dealing with their father who is quickly fading away due to dementia. It doesn’t take long for Jack to catch up on small town gossip – mainly that his old bestie Tony (who also happens to be his high school sweetheart Sam’s husband) has gone missing. Reluctantly Jack agrees to help track down his old friend which leads him to one of Tony’s former psychiatric patients – a boy named Cole who will attempt to open Jack’s eyes to the truth of The Great Forgetting. Then . . .

“Sometimes I get the feeling that none of this is right.”



So much mindblowing. Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd that’s all I can tell you. Okay, well maybe not alllll. This book is smart. Like wicked smart. But don’t let that intimidate you. Renner has done a great job of providing a cast of characters that are all Average Joes. While they find themselves put in spectacular circumstances, they are people with not-genius IQs so you never get lost in the crazy that is being thrown at you. Renner also does something that normally I hate – he inundates the reader with the present. Now, this may end up being a novel that doesn’t quite stand the test of time, but for today? Right now? This sonofabitch WORKS! If you’re into conspiracy theories and a story that stays on eleven for the duration, The Great Forgetting is not one to be missed. Be prepared to question everything. Oh, and make sure to get your foil hat fitted before even beginning . . .



Every star there is to star.

Alright. Review over – now for the full disclosure B.S. I had never had contact with James Renner until he personally messaged me and asked if I would like to review his new book. Turns out he saw my review of The Man From Primrose Lane (which all of you should immediately read because the man ain’t no one-hit-wonder) and didn’t despise my giffy style (SUCK IT, GIF HATERS!). Upon receiving said message, I was very grateful to have stocked up on my supply of . . .



and proceeded to run around the house screaming about how awesome I am to my non-book-loving family who haven’t yet figured out that I’m kind of a big deal. I should probably float my reviews all day every day more frequently in order to break into the Top 5 of the fake popularity contest. Whatevs. Anyway to make a long story even longer, endless thanks to Mr. Renner (and to Trudi who turned me on to his work in the first place). I can’t wait to see what your crazy brain comes up with next.

Wigfield by Amy Sedaris, Paul Dinello, and Stephen Colbert

3 Stars

 

I had actually been trying to score a copy of Pawnee: The Greatest Town in America for quite some time, but since my library hates me it still doesn’t have a copy. When I read the synopsis for Wigfield and saw the attached $2.00 price tag at my local Half Price Books I figured what the heck. After all . . .



and this book was almost guaranteed to contain all of the above.

Since this little diddy was written by the Strangers With Candy group of misfits, I also had a bonus of being fairly certain I would not hate it. And hate it I didn’t. I mean, you really can’t go wrong with a Stephen Colbert/Amy Sedaris combo. They’re both comedy geniuses and Sedaris also brings the sexy . . .



Wigfield is the story of – well, Wigfield. A tiny little hamlet nestled in the shadow of the Bulkwaller Dam. It’s the story of how a “town” banded together in order to save itself from eminent domain. It’s a story about the people . . .



their homes . . .



and their businesses . . .



It may not have been a real life-changer, but after reading a couple of “thinking” books my brain hurt and I needed a break. If satire is your idea of a good time and you have an extra couple of bucks burning a hole in your pocket the next time you’re at HPB, Wigfield might be a story for you too.