Wednesday, February 21, 2018

Cartel by Lili St. Germain


22369031
1 Star

It’s my first 1 Star of the year!!!! You were probably starting to wonder if I had become a pod person or some such, to which I say . . . .



Just kidding. Say no to drugs, kids.

You might be curious now that I’m a lover of the pornies, how exactly one earns a solo twinkle-twinkle. If you follow my reviews it’s pretty obvious that I can overlook a lot of things when it comes to stories about hidin’ the ol’ salami. In the past I’ve proven I can be okay with “traitorous bodies” and alpha males and lots of discussions regarding the humidity levels in a lady’s underpants and barely existing plots and on and on and on. The problem here was this book had not only all of the above-referenced issues, but also . . . .



I read this because it popped up on the pornbrary’s “Recommended To You” page. I didn’t bother checking out the synopsis, because the pornbrarian is my lobster and I will read whatever he/she tells me to and also because the title seemed like a no-brainer. I’m used to having to explain to my friends and co-workers that I’m reading pure trash and dealing with their reactions . . . .



Here’s my advice to Lili St. Germain: If you are going to call your book CARTEL, I suggest it be about the effing cartel and not a motorbiker porno. I read plenty of those stories too, but I know they’re going to be about the Sons of Anarchy before I even begin. When I started this one and I was in Colombia and a cocaine transport had just gone bad and read enough smut to know some chick was going to have to be traded/offer herself up as tribute to some big baddie I was in. I was hoping I could picture The Most Interesting Man In The World as my kingpin, but then . . . . .



Before things even got all motorbikey and traitorous O-Faces happened they went sideways because the leader of the cartel was ITALIAN. WTF?



The only thing that wasn’t totally redonkulous? The bad guys were bad and were not above smacking a bitch around. But I can’t really in clear conscience award bonus points for that so 1 Star it shall remain. I think I’ll go back and give the Gypsy Brothers Stabby Porns another shot instead of trying other stuff by this author.

No comments:

Post a Comment