Monday, November 23, 2015

Thief by Tarryn Fisher

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1 Star
 
Good news is, I finished the series. Bad news is, I could totally give this 1 Star and not feel bad about it. However, since Ms. Fisher slipped me a literary roofie that made me feel compelled to read all three of these damn books she gets a bonus star. You know, what? Screw it. 1 Star. This was a waste . . .

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I really didn’t enjoy any of these books except for The Opportunist. Rehashing the same story from a different character’s point of view gets tiring, and reading the same story a THIRD time? Someone stick a fork in my eyeballs for me.

So, what did I learn upon finishing Thief? Well, I confirmed there ain’t nothing as angsty as New Adult. I feel the only fitting way to explain the e – m – o – t – i – o – n in this final story is via musical giffery. The only way to describe Caleb and Olivia’s on again/off again love is . . .

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I mean these two were seriously crazy in love . . .

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But NOTHING ever happened except stuff that pissed me off. I mean we’re not even talking about . . .

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How’d that Bieber cover get in here? Erica must’ve hacked my ‘puter. Let me get that terrifying image out of your mind and replace it with the sexy original . . . .



Mmmmmm, that Usher. He sure has a good set of . . . . lungs on him, doesn’t he?

Now where was I? Oh yeah, the nothing happening. These two didn’t even bother making hang-up calls on each other. Instead, they drug their non-talking and miscommunicating on for TEN MOTHERF-ING YEARS, Caleb maybe fathered a baby (but made sure he did the right thing by completely abandoning it for years before a paternity test *eyeroll*), Olivia did the right thing by defending serial rapists and being “faithful” to her husband (*eyeroll*), I felt like I read 1,500 pages only to find out it was really less than 300, and in the end I was left with only one song I wanted to sing . . .

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