The Ruins by Scott Smith

4 Stars

 

You know that old saying “timing is everything”? I have a feeling this book would have received a 5-Star rating from me rather than 4 had I not ran across a little ARC called The Troop several months ago. Upon my reading (and ranting and raving and begging every horror lover and their dog to read said ARC), a plethora of my GR friends started recommending The Ruins to me. Since I’m an idiot, I immediately forgot about it. Months later, the title popped back on my radar and I made myself check it out from the library within the hour so my brain couldn’t get a chance to fail me yet again.

Having now read both, one scene contained in The Troop was clearly, let’s say, “inspired” by a very similar scene from The Ruins. Had I read The Ruins first, The Troop may have received a demerit or two from me for borrowing something so memorable. However, The Troop was simply overflowing with chapter after chapter of new levels of mindbuggery so I maintain it is the better book.

Alright, enough of that – on to the review. The Ruins isn’t your typical horror novel featuring a super scary bad guy.

In fact, the bad guy seems pretty benign.

Although there’s definitely something out there that made a vacation go from this

to this

in the span of only a few hundred pages - and while there was plenty of gross-out factor, the true terror came from what was going on inside the characters’ heads.

An honest to goodness horror novel that will make you gag, scare the pants off of you and leave you torn between thinking you will absolutely not be putting it down until you’ve turned the last page to the polar opposite of throwing it across the room and screaming for a bit before returning.

One thing is certain, after you read The Ruins, you will most definitely rethink ever venturing away from the resort if you are on a Cancun retreat in order to see how the Mayans lived . . .

(and if you really want to induce vomiting, venture on out to Tumblr and look at the other gifs that I was kind enough not to share here)

Deliverance by James Dickey

4 Stars

 

A weekend adventure for four middle-aged suburbanites quickly turns sour when a couple of strangers interrupt their canoe trip . . .

With Spring just around the corner and the rumblings of “float trips” already being overheard in my corner of Redneckville, USA, I figured it was prime time to brush up on my camping knowledge so I can inform people what to truly expect on their weekend excursions.

 

Even if you are like me and have never watched the film version of Deliverance, I bet a lot of you are familiar enough with a certain iconic scene that when you hear a particular little ditty.
 

you immediately get a shiver down your spine.

Although I kind of knew what was going to happen, I still was going

and then was terrified at what could possibly happen next because there was a lot of book left. And what a lot of book there was. An edge-of-your-seat read that left me feeling like I might have burned a few thousand calories with all of the nervous knee bouncing I was doing. This book was so much more than the “one scene”. The ultimate tale of how far will a person go in order to survive that was written beautifully (I know that sounds strange when the book I’m talking about is Deliverance, but it really was), with honest, flawed characters, non-stop action and great dialogue. It’s easy to see why this made the cut for the “100 Modern Classics” list.

Uganda Be Kidding Me by Chelsea Handler

3.5 Stars

 

ARC from NetGalley.  Thank you NetGalley!!!!!

 

First, let me take care of a little bidness. Introducing my new guest blogger – Frank Engator. He likah da funny books and just laughed and laughed while reading his first selection by Chelsea Handler.

Now, on to the review . . .

If it weren’t for the fact that seeing her on television or hearing her voice makes me want to stab her in the face, Chelsea Handler would probably be at the top of my fave celebrities list. Luckily she writes books so I can just picture Elizabeth Banks’ in my head as the leading lady while reading all of Chelsea’s stories. Seriously, it works. They totally have that “separated at birth” thing going for them . . .

Once again, Chelsea’s book brought the funny that her television show just doesn’t seem to be able to do for me. Her tales of various travels told in her signature self-deprecating style with 100% ownage of the fact that she is a complete imbecile gave me multiple LOLs.

While the book is about Chelsea’s various vacays, for me (someone with the mentality of a 12-year old) the true guffaws came from her stories of public urination and one gutbuster about crapping her drawers.

The only problems I had were the signature “Uganda” story made up for about half of the book by itself and then the tales turned back to the normal essay style I’m used to while reading books by comedians. I also had a problem with the feeling of déjà vu I was left with at the end of the book – the realization that I’m more than likely a huge jerk for my unjustified rage whenever I see Chelsea on my T.V. screen and the feeling that she is probably the nicest asshole one could ever meet. After all, she was kind enough to leave me with the warning to never forget that “dolphin rape is a very real thing” that I’m now passing on to all of you.

The Good Lord Bird by James McBride

3 Stars

 

A young slave named Henry Shackleford gets caught up with abolitionist John Brown and the fight for freedom when Brown kills Henry’s father. A misunderstanding in the heat of the moment also has Brown believing Henry to be a Henrietta - a mistaken identity Henry continues to assume as he tries to stay alive.

Ack. This is a hard review to write. Mainly because I didn’t feel anything while I was reading this story. It generally takes me about a day or day and a half to get through a novel of this size. The Good Lord Bird took me three weeks. The first 100 pages were good and I was really thinking I was going to breeze right through and lovelovelove it, but then the story just became a loop of the same scenes complete with the same dialogue and I wanted to put it down. And put it down was exactly what I did. In the three week span of reading this book, I also read 12 others. By the time I reached the climax and the raid on Harper’s Ferry, I was more than ready to be finished.

I will say that Mr. McBride has a wonderful sense of humor and, as this won a National Book Award, he can obviously write. Sadly, he just didn’t write a story that resonated with me. 

Takedown Twenty by Janet Evanovich

2 Stars

 

Seriously? A synopsis? It’s the 20th book in the series. You know what its about. The only difference is this one has a character we haven’t seen before . . .


Einstein once said insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. After the twentieth edition of Stephanie Plum getting kidnapped, shot at, blown up (for some reason that doesn’t happen this time around), burned up, broken down and busted in one way, shape or form – as well as the twentieth time I sat down and read all of the aforementioned misadventures, I figure we are both insane.

What can I say about book #20. It’s more than a little stale and the laughs came less frequently. Can I really say I expect anything else from a series that has been dragging on for 20 years? (Seriously - One for the Money originally came out TWENTY years ago.) Twenty years of our indecisive little Stephanie bumbling around with skips and bumbling around trying to figure out if Ranger or Joe is the man for her. I have no idea how long Janet E. plans to keep Plum going, but I’m a glutton for punishment, so I’m sure I’ll be right there ready to read them (and at some point start hating them) – however many there are.

Me =

A Queer and Pleasant Danger - The True Story of a Nice Jewish Boy Who Joins the Church of Scientology and Leaves Twelve Years Later to Become the Lovely Lady She is Today by Kate Bornstein

3.5 Stars

This wins the award for best title that I can ever remember seeing. I actually went to my library page requesting a different book, but when that wasn’t available it offered A Queer and Pleasant Danger as a possible substitute.

On paper I appear to be about the last person on the face of the Earth who should want to read this selection. I’m old not young, I met my husband when I was little more than a fetus and have been married nearly 18 years, I’m a mom (without the “mom jeans”) of a couple of small people who are constantly asking me to give them my hard-earned book buying dollars, I was raised in the Catholic church, etc. According to the experts, I should want to protect the sanctity of my marriage and take away whatever other rights I possibly can from people like Kate Bornstein. Buuuuuuuut, that’s just not gonna happen. I wish the world was populated with more people like Kate (and obviously more people like me).

Scientologists, on the other hand . . .

Admittedly, I am a little obsessed with Scientology. Isn’t everyone? Scientology is the most secret of super secret societies. Scientology is the driving force behind making Tom Cruise bounce on Oprah’s couch and proclaim his weird love – and later on is most likely the cause of said love hightailing it as far away from him as is humanly possible.

Kate not only tells of her experiences living as a Scientologist for 12 years, she also tells of her history as a man, woman, boy, lesbian, sadomasochist, etc., etc., etc. She literally tells all - with such honesty and humor that I sailed through the pages. While I recognize this book definitely isn’t for everyone, if you are looking for a truly memorable memoir (and aren’t easily shocked), Kate Bornstein’s life story is a good selection.

The Bad Seed by William March

4 Stars

 

What would you do if you suspect your child isn’t simply odd, but might just be a serial killer?

If I didn’t already know, there is no way I would have guessed this book to be 60 years old. A chilling thriller about Rhoda Penmark and how she always makes sure to get whatever her little heart desires. If you like tales of the macabre that keep you on the edge of your seat up to the last page, put this classic on your to-read list.

Buddy read with Mitchell the Book Boar, who thought this selection was simply hilarious. He’s one twisted side of bacon . . .