Mrs. Everything by Jennifer Weiner

2 Stars

“We lose ourselves. But we find our way back.”

Here we go again. Even Shelby who has zero time to read snarfed this one right up and loved it. And then there’s me . . . . .



Before you get your rotten tomatoes ready for throwing at me, let me say I totally get why this book worked for everyone else. (Christine wrote the most excellent review ever and I wish I would have liked this more if for no other reason than I don’t like that I was such a wrongreader of something she liked so much.) If you can relate to any of the characters (sisters, mother, daughters), you’re going to have a different experience than me. Or if it makes you nostalgic because you’re of a certain age . . . .



Or if you aren’t of a certain age and get some enlightenment because you discover you’re not quite as informed as you may think you are regarding women’s issues due to the fact that . . . . .



Maybe I just fell in a gray area???? Or more likely, maybe this just wasn’t for me because . . . . .



Y’all know I’m not big on the tragiporn – and these poor gals? We’re talking molesty uncles and rape and eating disorders and drug abuse and interracial/same-sex issues and . . . . .



Simply stated, this is a story that follows two sisters over the course of their entire lives. It starts in 1950 and doesn’t end until 2022. It just wasn’t my cuppa. I promise you guys I didn’t pick this up with the intention of being contrary. I was already one hundred millionth in line at the library because the buzz was saying I would like it so when the opportunity to snag it from the “New and Notable” (a/k/a no reservations allowed) shelf came about I immediately grabby-handsed it and read it that weekend. If you’re a fan of Jennifer Weiner . . . well, you probably already own this so I probably shouldn’t even be worrying about you guys. If you’re like me and have read her before and both loved and hated it, I can’t say what side you’ll fall on here. I will say I’m fickle and can easily overlook glaring plotholes and suspend disbelief to the nth degree if a book has sucked me in, but things like this . . . . .





Make me pert near apoplectic if I am not loving it. Nitpicky asshole, party of one???

I will also take a stand here and say if someone is going to be in an internet fight for a bazillion years regarding why their work should be considered literary fiction, that person should probably know that simply writing a bunch of pages and covering a large timespan doesn’t magically morph their story into one that is not . . . .



And, once again, don’t jump my ass. At least I’ve read Jennifer Weiner before. I’ve actively avoided Jonathan Franzen all these for his part in this dumbass troll-off – despite the fact that I am repeatedly told he writes books that people think I would love.

David Spade is Almost Interesting by David Spade

5 Stars

I already wrote pictured up a review for the print version of this some time back, but when faced with potential solo couple hour long road-trips I decided it was high time to give the audio a checkout . . . and then immediately started listening to it because I need instant gratification at every single moment in my life. Bonus was that I listened to it with the oldest (literally a legal adult so don’t @ me about what a bad mother I am – I’m a bad mother for a whooooooooole bunch of other things worse than letting him listen to an audiobook with cuss words).

I stand by my assessment that this is one of the best of the bunch if you are a superfan of SNL and want to know the inside scoop. Despite the fact that Spade is not only absolutely adorable and someone I want to be besties with since he always makes me laugh . . . .



He was smart when it came to this release and kept the content at what the majority people want to know: his time/the inner workings on SNL and his friendship with Farley . . . .



His other successes . . . .







Are little more than mere mentions. (He doesn’t really talk about Just Shoot Me (and doesn’t mention Rules of Engagement at all), which makes me wonder if there’s a story there.) And now I know why. Because he’s savvy enough to know no one’s going to buy the cow if you give all the milk away for free and saved some stuff up for this . . . . .



Yes please. Momma need dat.

Obviously my 5 Star rating still stands. I’d give him 10 if I could and I’m so glad Lights Out with David Spade exists to satisfy my pop culture nerd and trashy reality television story cravings.

Opioid, Indiana by Brian Allen Carr

4 Stars

Riggle had to move in with his uncle at the local trailer park after losing his over-the-road trucker dad in an automobile accident followed by his mom succumbing to her grief and committing suicide. This is the story of a week in Riggle’s life when he not only receives a 5-day suspension from school for supposedly having a vape pen full of THC, but also the week when his uncle goes missing.

Unlike yesterday’s review, this is a book that is being marketed as it should be – Young Adult. Again, kids aren’t stupid. Hell, they probably know more about dealing with real-life issues than many adults who either live in a comfort bubble or who have grown complacent. There’s no reason to hide them from the darker side of life and with a title like this you flat out know . . . .



However, since it is YA it does retain a little bit of hope – unlike most grit lit selections I pick up.

I’ve never read this author before (but I did buy a copy of Motherfucking Sharks because - DUH). As the placeholder “review” below indicates, whenever there’s a trailer park on a cover or even a hint that some bad shit might go down due to drug dealing or usage, I’m pretty much like . . . .



This was everything I hoped it would be.

Many thanks to NetGalley for one of the quickest approvals I’ve ever received. It’s like you’re starting to understand me ; )



ORIGINAL "REVIEW:"

The cover is a god-danged trailer park and it straight up has "Opioid" in the title . . . .



Seriously. This is pretty much guaranteed to be 5 Stars from Mitchell. Also, it's by the guy who wrote Motherfucking Sharks so if things go well I might have to invite him over to the dungeon my spare room while he writes his next book.

The Swallows by Lisa Lutz

4.5 Stars

“Non ducor, duco. I am not led. I lead.”
In what has become a season of mediocre reactions and wrongreading, allow me to take a moment for a book that made me say . . . . .



Lisa Lutz is an author who has been on my radar basically since I became active on Goodreads, but one I avoided in fear of disappointing my Goodreads friends (but I did finally buy The Spellman Files a couple of weeks ago when I found it at HPB clearance event for two bucks so I’m getting closer). When I saw this non-Spellman selection over on NetGalley I figured what the hell. And then I didn’t read it until the dang thing was already published. But whatever. E for effort, right?

Anyway, the only thing I knew about this before going in was the familiarity of the author’s name and . . . .

Stonebridge may look like Green Gables, but it’s like the Bada Bing for the preppy set.



The plot is pretty simple . . .

“What’s the plan?”

“Build an army, take down the Darkroom, and end Dulcinea.”



After an eternity of dealing with a “boys will be boys” approach to discipline at Stonebridge Academy, the girls have decided it’s time to take matters into their own hands. What follows is a wickedly delightful tale of revenge. Told from various perspectives including a female teacher, a male teacher, a female student, a male student and the “Announcements,” my first experience with Lisa Lutz was a real pageturner. I loved how even though it was technically a boys vs. girls story and 100% a guide to owning your own sexuality as a female and empowerment and yada yada - it was presented without any male bashing. The boys who deserved to be punished got what was coming to them. The boys who did not were a vital part of the story and allies with the girls. My only complaint? It dragged on just a teensie bit too long (others will complain that the ending was totally over-the-top, but it was so awesomely extra it just made me giddy). I also think this should have been marketed as a Young Adult (my definition of YA is generally mid to late teens) book. Even old grannies like me have moved on past instalove. We want edgy, envelope pushing stories when it comes to the young adult genre . . . . .



4.5 Stars, but rounding up because my first reaction to the explanation behind the title was . . . .



And that’s always a good thing.

ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

Thank you, NetGalley!

Akin by Emma Donoghue

2.5 Stars

Am I in a book slump? It seems my “mehs” are seriously outweighing my yeahs at this point : (

Alright, so I’m the naysayer when it comes to the Akin party. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Aside from the aforementioned possible slump as well as the fact that I consistently suck turtles. I mean, there’s zero doubt that Emma Donoghue knows how to tell a story – unfortunately I just didn’t connect with this one.

Maybe my expectations were too high? I was lucky enough to read Room before the hype train left the station and no one had ever heard of it and I picked up (and really enjoyed) The Wonder upon my reaction to Room. I actually took a gander at the blurb (after wiping the drool off my face from that gorgeous cover) and went into this expecting a feel-good tale in the form of an elderly curmudgeon obtaining a new lease on life courtesy of a sassy whippersnapper. Well, I got the sassy whippersnapper . . . .

“It’s an, rather than a, when it’s followed by a vowel: an atheist.”

“Like, you’re AN asshole.”

He supposed he deserved that one.

And I guess I got the “feel good” – but not in the form I was expecting (we’ll get to that in a second). However, the elderly curmudgeon I was hoping for????



Notsamuch. More like . . . .



But with a very large side order of . . . .



Which, lemme tell ya, was 100% not believable when talking about a 79 year old who talks like an instruction manual and never had any children.

As for the story itself? Well . . . .



It starts with our main character Noah preparing for a trip to the South of France where he was born. He’s forced to alter his plans – adding a plus one – when a never-before-met great-nephew named Michael emerges needing an emergency interim caretaker due to his mother being in the slammer. Things got awkward for me immediately upon the arrival to Nice, which either was already pre-planned as one of the most boring walks down memory lane EVER or went off the rails into a Nancy Drew episode upon Noah discovering some old photographs while cleaning out his recently deceased sister’s things that he decides must be monumental or she wouldn’t have kept them (despite her being described as a bit of a packrat with boxes upon boxes of mementos that hold absolutely no sentimental value to Noah). Now, mind you, these two are staying here . . . .



But it’s like the author has ever been there (despite having lived there and being very vocal about how much she loves the South of France) because very little regarding the fact that it is a paradise is mentioned. Instead they go searching for the source and story behind these old pictures. Noah eats stereotypical touristy types of food that an American with a real “daring” palate would eat – like snails (Michael is a child so he pretty much only wants French fries). Young Michael also proves to be the real brains behind the organization and can take one gander at a photo and instantly know what it is/where it might be despite the fact that he’s ELEVEN years old and has never been to Nice. This is the second book I’ve reviewed in as many days where the characters didn’t feel authentic and had me wondering if Donoghue has ever met an eleven year old. This kid read more like 14 or 15, aside from the fact that he did do that really effing annoying thing all kids seem to be doing now . . . .



(Michael called it “ballgazers” and that actually made me laugh a little – but I’m sure would not please most parents and teachers. My kids just say “that’s a neck” and then karate chop the shit out of you for looking.)

Michael’s unfortunate familial circumstances also get whitewashed because apparently this is a book about an adult/child relationship that is very unlike Room in that no darkness should dare to tread. The “mystery” of the photos could have been something that resulted in an amazingly skillet-to-the-face type of reveal, but no. Again, this book is all about love and light. Except when it came to any time Noah talked about his nephew (and Michael’s father) . . . .



WTF was up with that?

This One Summer by Jillian Tamaki and Mariko Tamaki

2.5 Stars

Let’s play a little bit of catch-up. I mean, not the type that I actually need to do which are the 40 other books I have yet to review ranging all the way back to the beginning of the year, but the type where I half-ass talk about a graphic novel I read last week for . . . .



Basically, This One Summer is about just that – one summer. The summer in question is the final one where the balance between remaining a kid and becoming a grown-up begins to shift. While at the beach, this is the year where Rose wants to spend less time digging holes with her pal Windy and more time noticing the local boys and wondering if her boobs are ever going to come in. It’s also the year after something terrible happened to her parents causing constant arguments and uncomfortable silences.

This story was challenged basically for being a coming of age story, proving once again that this country is full of people who make me say . . . . .



The big shock and awe factor this time around? Teen pregnancy. The horror. I’m giving this 2.5 Stars because there wasn’t anything wrong with it – it just wasn’t my idea of a great time. I’m rounding up because the artwork was excellent . . . .



This was also the first time I’ve ever read a graphic novel on the ol’ Kindle. I have to say, while paper will always be my medium of choice when it comes to “pitcherbooks” – reading this electronically wasn’t nearly as painful as I thought it would be.

Imaginary Friend by Stephen Chbosky

3.5 Stars

“A nightmare is nothing but a dream gone sick.”

Where do I even begin when it comes to the release of this (20 year) long awaited tome? I guess the easiest thing to do is address the obvious. For those of you who have been anticipating a new Perks to fall in love with, I have some bad news . . . .



There is no Charlie to be had here. Instead, there is a Christopher. A little boy who recently moved to small-town Pennsylvania with his mother when she escaped from an abusive relationship. A little boy who disappeared for six days into the Mission Street Woods and returned – safe . . . but different. A little boy who used to see words as nothing but jumbled letters, but now can ace a quiz in less than a minute. A little boy who has the ability to change his mother’s financial status. A little boy who has to get a treehouse built before it’s too late . . . .

“DEATH IS COMING! DEATH IS HERE! WE’LL DIE ON CHRISTMAS DAY!”

^That sucks. I love Christmas. Today begins the official one-month countdown until I can begin Clark Griswalding up the house.

I’m going to do things a little differently here when it comes to this review. I’m going to talk about some stuff I didn’t like (while still giving this a pretty high rating).

#1. Here is one of my Kindle notes . . . .

“This has to end by midnight and there are still 200 pages left. Yikes.”

You are going to hear a lot of talk about how this book is waaaaaaay too long. Because it is. Like 350 pages too long. And it’s repetitive to the point of total frustration. You know what I’m talking about, right????



#2. Has Stephen Chbosky ever even met a seven year old? You already have to be able to suspend disbelief in order for a group of kids to be building a McMansion of a treehouse complete with a locking door, shutters, glass windows and a trapdoor with a rope ladder, but JFC - seven???? Not only are these kids better at flipping treehouses than Chip and Joanna Gaines, but they are also pros at sneaking out of the house – they aren’t afraid of the dark and scary woods – they curse like sailors and can’t wait for the chance to see some nekkid titties on Showtime . . . .



No. They’re SEVEN.

#3. There are a lot of things that will call to mind to another recent(ish) release. Between the concerned mother . . . .



And the local sheriff haunted by his own demons . . .



And Charlie’s “headaches” . . . . .



And the imaginary side . . . .



But hey, at least those things aren’t similar to a freaking worldwide phenomenon with a ginormous fanbase, right????



Oh, wait.

So why the high rating?

#1. For not only having the balls to not just barf out book after book after book on the heels of his first success, but to release something completely different than that megahit all these years later.

#2. For the fact that despite all of my gripes, I read this puppy squisher in two days. Obviously it held my interest.

#3. For the ending. The ending is excellent. Unlike some other megafamous authors who shall remain nameless, but have a tendency to shit the bed in horror stories that wrap up with things like giant alien spiders or . . . giant ants . . . .



#4. Ambrose . . . .



Y’all know I have old lady brain, but I won’t be forgetting Ambrose any time soon.

Endless thanks to Grand Central Publishing for offering me an early copy of this title in exchange for my honest review. This will remain in a prime location on the shelf.