Mostly Dead Things by Kristen Arnett

5 Stars

“Why not try something different instead of the same old shit that’s been making us miserable our whole lives?”

“I haven’t been miserable my whole life!”

“Really? I’ve been pretty miserable.”
Mostly Dead Things was brought to my attention a couple of months ago via way of a recommendation by my friend Mindy. To her I say . . . .




The jumping off point to this story is when Jessa-Lynn finds her daddy has blown his brains out on the specimen table in the family’s taxidermy shop. From there we meet the other members of the family – brother Milo whose wife that left him also happened to be Jessa-Lynn’s girlfriend, Milo’s daughter Lolee (who was pretty much the daughter I’ve never had), his stepson Bastien – back from rehab and a man of dubious means, and their mother – recent widow turned pornographic taxidermy artist. These were my people. What can I say . . . .



Ha! Not really. I’m about as basic as they come. However, I’m also pretty much white trash so I fell head over heels for all of these quirky misfits. I mean, if there was ever a book designed for me it would be one about a dysfunctional family who owns a taxidermy shop, right?!?!?!? For realz . . . .

With my father gone, gag taxidermy paid the rent. I pinned antlers to rabbit heads stuffed with foam cuttings, shellacked frogs propped at miniature card tables, boiled a million alligator skulls, mouths stuffed with pointy teeth painted blue and orange for UF football fans. I turned ducklings into mermaids, fish tails shimmering green-gold.



Not to mention it was set in Florida . . . .



STFU John oliver! Dear Florida: Never stop being you.

At the end of the day this was a bizarre little book about getting through the grieving process. Definitely not a book for everyone (very detailed in description of creating a mount – not to mention the way some of the animals were acquired), but Mitchell and I liked it enough for everyone. Just look how happy it made him . . . .



I'll definitely be buying a hard copy of this one for the bookhoardshelves.

Waisted by Randy Susan Meyers

2.5 Stars

I have to confess I wanted to read this simply out of morbid curiosity. Despite my addiction to terrible reality television, the one thing I’ve never been able to stomach are weight loss shows. I’ve never understood why someone would subject themselves to “motivation” like this . . .



What the reasoning (aside from public humiliation) behind being weighed wearing things like this could be . . . .



And how in the hell 90% of the participants would ever be able to keep the weight off when not living in a controlled environment with a personal chef, no McDs/Taco Bell available, no job to go to or kids/spouse to deal with and working out umpteen hours a day . . . .



Those shows just depress me. Buuuuuuuuut, as a fat woman, I’m still fascinated by new and notable releases that feature fat women. Especially when the premise is to address the pink elephant in the room head on . . . . .

This is the beginning of our experiment. What would these women do to lose weight? Would they degrade themselves? We knew the answer immediately. The next question was this: How far would they go?

And let me tell you, this author really delivered some real wallops in the form of letting you into the mind of a heavyset person . . . .

How are you supposed to understand. That I think about my body every minute? That I worry about my thighs more than about the state of the world?

Everyone hated a fat woman, but none more than she hated herself.

Clothes made the woman. Naked made the shame.

This book was pretty good . . . until it wasn’t anymore. The second half kind of fell apart. Not to mention . . . .

Like the smuggest of men, the scale mocked her. Scales seemed so damn masculine, particularly the machines in doctors’ offices, standing above her with their air of superiority, their broad shoulders meant to keep her in place, the metal scornful as she stepped on, smirking when the numbers settled.

Not everything has to include man hating. FFS, dudes aren’t the ones who have been buying Cosmo all these freaking years. We women do a pretty good job all on our own fat shaming each other.

The Escape Room by Megan Goldin

3.5 Stars

Let’s get a couple of things real clear. My reaction to mandatory “Team Building” within a company would look a little something like . . . .



And my general reaction to being forced to spend the minute it takes to get me up to my floor every morning in an elevator with even one other human attempting to speak to me is pretty much . . . .



Thus, the reasoning behind always having both a Kindle and physical book shield with me at all times . . . .



When I saw the tag line behind this book . . . .

“WELCOME TO THE ESCAPE ROOM. YOUR GOAL IS SIMPLE. GET OUT ALIVE.”

My initial reaction was . . . .



What I wasn’t aware of was this was going to be a little deeper than a B-quality horror. Not only does the reader get to hear about the present where Vincent, Jules, Sylvie and Sam are stuck in the “escape room,” but they also get the tale of Sara Hall and the company’s history. A little slashery – a little The Firm, this was a pretty good time. Unfortunately, my company was undergoing a complete system overhaul that left me a little braindead by the time I had a chance for some reading. I’m rounding my 3.5 Stars up due to that fact because I think any other week this may have been a full 4 Stars for me.

ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

Thank you, NetGalley!

The Body In Question by Jill Ciment

2.5 Stars

I picked up The Body In Question after reading JanB’s amazing review amazing review (proving once again that Goodreads has some seriously talented bookpushers in its midst). I followed her suggestion and went in blind, but fully admit I had presuppositions (is that the word I’m looking for? probably not) since this was a book that focused on the jury rather than the accused, victim or attorney parties that it would be a bit . . . .



If I had read the publisher’s blurb – which literally tells THE ENTIRE BOOK – I may have steered clear. Bottom line? If Juror C-2 and I ended up the same room together, she’d probably have something like this to say to me . . . .

The Family Fang by Kevin Wilson

4 Stars

“They fucked us up, Buster.” “They didn’t mean to,” he replied. “But they did,” she said.

Annie and Buster – SIDENOTE (I know, I know, you’re probably like dammmmmn bitch - ALREADY?!?!?!?!) because BUSTER . . . .







I’m surprised more than anyone that I’m not giving this 5 Stars automatically.



Anywho , Annie and Buster were raised by performance artists. Back before anyone could be famous via the interwebs, Caleb and Camille Fang made an art form out of creating public spectacles starring their family. Now siblings A&B are (not-so-well-adjusted) adults with a bit of a crisis on their hands . . . .

“This morning, we found your parents’ van parked at the Jefferson Rest Stop on I-40 East, just before you head into North Carolina. Near as we can tell, the van has been there since the previous evening. We are . . . concerned about their whereabouts.”



Is it real? Or is it an attempt to get the whole gang back together again?



This is the second book I’ve read this year which can only be compared to one particular person . . . .






Or, more specifically . . . .







If you like your dysfunction in the form of weirdos, The Family Fang is sure to be a winner. And if you don’t want to read it? Well, go fuck yourself - Ha! Just kidding. There’s apparently a film version you can check out.

Life and Other Inconveniences by Kristan Higgans

4.5 Stars

I wouldn’t say I actively avoided Kristan Higgans, but I will say as a person whose name is on A LOT of books on the paperback rack near the checkout lanes at the local Wal-Mart she wasn’t someone who was high on my list of must read authors. (That's where the keep the James Pattersons - blech.) Then she wrote a book about fat women that got everyone’s panties all up their butts and I decided that was something I needed to read . . . .



When offered an advanced copy of Life and Other Inconveniences I jumped all over it without even bothering to see what it was about first. Imagine my delight when I discovered it was one of my fave tropes – the “maybe you can go home again.”

The story here starts with a phone call Emma receives from her estranged grandmother Genevieve informing her that Genevieve has brain cancer, is not long for this world, and would like Emma and her daughter to come spend her last summer with her. The two have not communicated for 17 years – right about the time Emma announced that she was pregnant unexpectedly and Genevieve kicked her out – but the dangling carrot of a potential windfall via Genevieve’s estate being left to Emma’s daughter in order to put her through college has this family reunion happening no matter what Emma’s personal feelings may be.

This book hit ALL the right things for me. To begin with, I love dysfunctional families . . .



(They make me feel like mine might not be as awful as they appear to be.)

Second . . . .



I myself am poor. I love reading about rich people. And this one??? Granny Genny created a milkshake that brought all the boys to the yard handbag empire that had all the gals going . . . .



In my head she was what Vera Bradley must be like. And before Vera Bradley (don’t worry, I know that’s not a real human – I’m only sorta stoopid) reads this and takes offense that Genevieve was kind of a bitch on wheels? I loved her – it’s a compliment.

Not to mention . . . .



It’s summatime summatime sum sum summatime. I literally read this from cover to cover at the pool last Friday on a mental health day away from the office. (Anyone know a good dermatologist??? I’m gonna need to deal with the skin cancer I probably now have.)

I wish I could post some quotes to prove that both Emma and Genevieve were amazing female leads, this had great humor and the romance was wonderfully schmoopy. However, the ones I want to use are like half a page rather than a word or two and I like receiving free shit so I shall cease and desist before I lose my privileges. Just trust me that if you are a Higgins fan, a Chick Lit fan in general, or just looking for a good time while making sure your children aren’t drowning, this is a must read when it is released next week.

ARC provided by the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

Necessary People by Anna Pitoniak

4 Stars

“It’s not Machiavellian. It’s just survival.”
You know what’s even worse than being FORTY-THREE (*insert crying emoji*) reviews behind? Covers like this . . . .



So much same makes my brain hurt. The fact that I can remember anything about either of these books this long after reading them says a lot about the entertainment level they provided to me.

We’ll see if I ever get around to reviewing Temper, but as for Necessary People to me it was this . . . .



Meets this . . . .



My friend Elizabeth makes a fitting comparison in her review to Social Creature. Both feature the collision of the worlds of haves and have nots where the desire to achieve overrules all. Set in the fast-paced environment of cable news this familiar tale comes with a fresh new edge as Violet and Stella compete to be top dog.

Oh and NetGalley? You can probably go ahead and delete my pending request since I read my library copy a month and a half ago.