Not the Girl You Marry by Andie J. Christopher

4.5 Stars

There was part of me that was really having an internal struggle about rating this so high because it was clearly a remake of . . . . .



But then I thought – how many freaking P&P retellings have I read (answer infinity) and it never seemed to bother me with any of those that they were based on another story so this one is getting nearly all the Starzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz because it was exactly what I wanted it to be.

As I said before, this was How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days (and thankfully is being marketed as just that). It’s just been turned on its ear a tad where the male is the one with one final “How To” assignment in hopes of propelling his career to the next level where he’ll be writing some meatier stories. Hannah is his female counterpart and is an event planner who gets told by her boss she might want to, you know, at least have a boyfriend if she thinks she’s going to move into the wedding arena and make partner in the company. Both have two weeks to achieve their goal – him to do everything from sending dick pics and introducing her to the parents nearly immediately in order to make her dump him – her to ignore his manbearpig and Stage Five Clinger tendencies in order keep him on the line at least until the firm’s big Halloween party. Oh, and there’s one other little tidbit. Instead of our leading lady looking like . . . .



She looks like . . . .



REFRESHING!!!!

Another difference????



This is like the third time in recent history I picked up a book that I was just suuuuuuuuuure was going to be PG-13 that instead ended up steaming my glasses. Trust me, I’m not complaining!



If you are anything like me, this little book will have you going . . . . .



I’m just sorry you have to wait until November for it to be released : (

ARC provided by the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

Why Don't You Write My Eulogy Now So I Can Correct It? by Patricia Marx and Roz Chast

3.5 Stars

Celadon Books was kind enough to send me a review copy of this just in time for Mother’s Day. Now, if you know me, you know I’m an easy sell for books like this. My desk at home features a shrine selection for my former cats and dogs who made their way over the Rainbow Bridge and you’re all aware of my other hobby. Pretty much there’s a book for everything and I think these are great little bits of fun to give either solo or in addition to the ever-present “scented candle” . . . .



For the woman who pretty much already has everything but will publicly shame you for life if you forget to bring her a present (a/k/a your mother).

They also would make a great filler for those of you with questionable morals who have items like the following in your lives . . . .




Why Don’t You Write My Eulogy Now So I Can Correct It was exactly what it was supposed to be . . . .



But I’m telling you the Introduction was gold. Patricia Marx should write a full length comedic memoir if she hasn’t already done so.

Copy provided by Celadon Books in exchange for an honest review.

The Invited by Jennifer McMahon

3.5 Stars

Let’s start off by addressing the giant pink elephant which will make this book be a failure for many. As the blurb says, the story here is about a young couple who “abandon the comforts of suburbia and their teaching jobs to take up residence on forty-four acres of rural land where they will begin the ultimate, aspirational do-it-yourself project: building the house of their dreams.” What it doesn’t tell you is these two are literally building the house. Alone. Just the two of them. From watching You Tube videos . . . . . .



Seriously, this may be the most I ever had to suspend disbelief in my entire reading life. Not only is it completely unrealistic that a couple of schoolteachers (neither of whom taught some sort of VoTech subject) would be able to build a house – oh and dare I forget, not just a little shanty either, but . . . . .



FFS. Yeah, a SALTBOX because that's the fucking easiest design plan in the books just adding to the WTFery of this whole plotline . . . .



Grrrrrrr, but I digress. The thing that really irked me was that part of the story wasn’t even necessary. The rest of the plot is about digging into the creepy history surrounding the family tree that sprouted from this plot of land a long, long time ago. But all of the hinkyness of the past? It came in the form of either the goings on at the property itself or via discovered artifacts. Why couldn’t they just have remodeled an existing structure or had enough money to hire builders so I didn’t get my resting bitch face on every time they talked about framing and roofing and other completely unbelievable things that made me feel like stabbing someone??????

The second thing you need to know if you have this on your TBR is that despite this being marketed/shelved as horror . . . . .



This is NOT a horror. Sure, the premise automatically calls to mind other houses with dark pasts from the recesses of one’s mind . . . . .



And there most definitely is a little bit of is everyone going crazy????? If so, how far will it go . . . .



But at the end of it all . . . . .

“First, we’ve got a witch ghost, now there’s a buried treasure? Is this Scooby fucking Doo?”

I assume this will be a mixed mag of reactions. I know I have one friend who was reading it at the same time I was and had to abandon ship because the house building was so absurd. I have no clue how I was able to ignore it, but somehow I did. I also knew right away this would end up being more of a paranormal mystery rather than a horror (which is my personal preference). It probably also helped that it rained for 172 days straight where I live either and I read this curled up basking in the gloom of both the weather and the story.

1 Star for the idiocy of the house shit, 4 Stars for the page turnability = 3.5 Stars.

ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

Thanks, NetGalley!

Dear Evan Hansen by Val Emmich with Steven Levenson, Benj Passek and Justin Paul

3 Stars

Boy, this is a tough one. If you’re not familiar, Dear Evan Hansen is actually a story originally presented as . . . . .



And it is good. SO. GOOD. Like give them all the Tony Awards good. And the touring company is coming here soon and I’m sooooooo hoping tickets will be available so me and my fellow songlover kid can attend. But my reaction to the book?????



Here’s the pickle I’m in. This was so much more than a novelization. It was full length and well written to boot. The problem? Evan is kind of an awful unlikeable character for a goodly chunk (like 90% of the thing) until the reader/audience really gets to know what makes him HIM and you can become sympathetic to him making this just a cringey type of read. And the character who IS automatically the one you want to get to know more? Well, unfortunately he’s dead . . . .



So the chapters from his perspective are few and far between.

Obviously other things were missing in the print version as well. Like . . . .



And . . . .

That boy is just farking adorable.

I’m always looking for stuff to listen to during the commute, but since I only spend about 20 minutes in the car each way I’m pretty particular about what I want. Funny, short, or something I’m already familiar with in some way are generally winners. Probably goes without saying the narrator needs to not suck (narrator definitely does not suck here). If you’re a lover of YA you won’t be wasting your time here – same goes for if you’re a crazy completionist superfan (trust me, no judgment). As for me? My family is just happy I’ve changed up the playlist I sing while I’m dusting, vacuuming, washing dishes, doing laundry, taking a shower awake . . . .







They’re a lucky bunch . . . . .

Fix Her Up by Tessa Bailey

5 Stars

If you haven’t seen me mention it an infinite amount of times before, these cartoony cover romcoms have become my kryptonite. Meaning, I want them all and I want them now. There’s no need to read a blurb, or reviews, or look at ratings, I just know I need them in my life. The title/cover of this one led me to believe the action was going to center around my other guilty pleasure – house flipping. Little did I know that the flippy family business was not going to be the focus at all (I bet book #3 is because Bethany is gonna need some luvin’ eventually too!!!!), but rather it was going to be about a FORMER BASEBALL PLAYER . . . . .



Oh my lort. Any time I can picture Clayton Kershaw as the leading male I get all double-leg-kicky . . . .



But then the female lead was a CLOWN . . . . .



Literally. A C.L.O.W.N. No one enjoys a clown for cripes sake! However, I am nothing if I’m not a masochist trooper, so I marched on with just a bit (translation – A LOT) of trepidation. For any of you who are also super not interested in reading about Bozo getting her groove on, have no fear! Despite our leading lady legit wearing the white face paint and honking nose, she also had goals of becoming THE name in children’s party planning and was not a manic pixie dream girl like I feared she would be.

And then. THEN! It was a FAKE ROMANCE TROPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Oh how I love the let’s pretend we’re in love trope. The terms this time around were MLB bad boy Travis suffered a career-ending injury before ever reaching 30 and went into a downward spiral. When a chance at a broadcast career becomes available, Travis has to make quick work of spit-shining his image. Enter his bestie’s sister, Georgie. In love with him since they were in kids, she’s willing to put her feelings on the backburner in order to help Travis achieve his goal as well as for her to achieve hers (*cough losing her V-card cough*).

Not only was this completely adorable, but also? They went to pound town before the 50% mark and lemme tell you, Travis had more than just magic hands . . . .



You know what that means, right? Sploooooooooooooooooooooosh . . . .



There’s only one thing I have to say about Travis: #hecangetit

Bottom line?



All the Starz. I’ve had a shitty couple of weeks and this baby turned my frown upside down. A perfect poolside read!

ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

Thank you, NetGalley!

The Beach by Alex Garland

2 Stars

All I knew about The Beach before beginning is that it was a movie I never watched starring little Leo that was released about 72 years ago and that it seems to be on many “if you want to call yourself a bibliophile, you better read this” type of lists. Now that I’ve checked it off my reader’s bucket list I’m a bit at a loss for what to say. This is a story that had A LOT of things that I typically enjoy.

Potential utopia that eventually turns . . . . .



Check.

A narrator who continually has you asking . . . . .



Check.

Idiots abroad who stumble across a giant pot farm . . . .



So why the mediocre rating? Well, it also had some things that I don’t typically enjoy such as a lot of underlying political/social messages the author was trying to get across . . . .



And that unreliable narrator mentioned above? What was his name again? Richard? Yeah . . . . .



More like Douche LaRouche.

Not to mention his fall into insanity or wicked trips or whatever the eff was supposed to be going on had me like . . . .



And I know it was supposed to be because he was obsessed with Vietnam via movies and whatnot rather than actually being there, but it was still stupid.

In a strange turn of events, I actually liked reading about the place more than about the people this time around. Which goes to show I might be the most unreliable narrator of them all since I just totally flamed a book for being too descriptive about the setting.

The Night Before by Wendy Walker

4 Stars

This is a case where absence might have made the heart grow fonder. When I originally finished The Night Before (months ago, because I suck at posting timely reviews), I found the ending to be satisfactory, but not really any sort of a “wowzers!” type of experience. However, the more I think about it the more I realize how refreshing it was to not read an everything-but-the-kitchen-sink type of thriller. Obviously not a whole lot can be said about this one without . . . . .



But I can say the premise here is that Laura left NYC and moved in with her sister Rosie’s family after her last (bad) breakup. Deciding she might be ready to move on, Laura agrees to a date with a man she’s been chatting up via the interwebs. You know how that goes, right????



When Laura doesn’t return home, her sister is left in a panic. What could Laura’s date have done to her? Or even worse, what could Laura have done to her date?

This story relies on the oft used wibbly wobbly timeline and dual narrators as it bounces from past via Laura’s therapy sessions to Rosie’s present. The present is offered up at a good, urgent pace, but the past???? That’s where things are juicy . . . . .



While All Is Not Forgotten is such a hard act to follow that unfortunately every following book will probably end up being compared to it, I enjoyed this sooooooo much more than Emma in the Night (standing by the “sophomore novels are HARD” belief) that Wendy Walker is sure to be an auto request at this point.

Recommended for poolside readers who like to get their stab on : )

ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

Thank you, NetGalley!