Monday, December 15, 2014

Ironweed by William Kennedy

Ironweed
3 Stars
 
“Katie bar the door. Too wet to plow.”
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Okay, since I’m a robot that’s a bit of a fabrication. I did, however, get a little choked up and that’s pretty much as good as it gets when it comes to me bawling.

Francis has spent his entire life running . . .

“Running bases after the crack of the bat, running from accusation, running from the calumny of men and women, running from family, from bondage, from destitution of spirit through ritualistic straightenings, running ,finally, in a quest for pure flight as a fulfilling mannerism of the spirit.”

He finally decided to run for good after the accidental death of his newborn son. Francis hit rock bottom and became a vagrant. He now spends his days doing as little as possible in order to earn enough to buy himself a jug each night in a futile attempt to rid himself of the voices of ghosts from his past.

“I’m sick of you all, [is] his thought. I am sick of imagining what you became, what I might have become if I’d lived among you. I am sick of your melancholy histories, your sentimental pieties, your goddamned unchanging faces. You ain’t nothin’ more than a photograph, you goddamn spooks. You ain’t real and I ain’t gonna be at your beck and call no more. You’re all dead, and if you ain’t, you ought to be.”

I feel more than a little crappy giving a Pulitzer Prize winner a 3 Star rating, but???? It is what it is. Here’s the deal . . . The first 75 pages and the last 75 pages of Ironweed are 5 Star worthy. The writing is some of the most beautiful I’ve ever seen (and when you’re dealing with nothing but horrifying and revolting situations, that’s a major feat to accomplish), but the middle killed it.

You’ll notice in my synopsis I conveniently left out anything about the character “Helen.” While I found her to be a fine addition in order to add to the richness of Francis’ story (and apparently the movie version really beefed up her part being that Meryl Streep received an Oscar nod for the role)

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I felt the book went a little off the rails having a featured segment of Helen’s history (along with padding Francis’ tale even further). Even the prose changed in the middle of the book. Maybe that change was intentional and I’m just too dumb to get it, but it felt like a bunch of filler to me.

My other complaint? The dialogue. This is a book that is filled with elaborate description and imagery that really made me feel like I was experiencing everything along with Francis . . . and then the characters start talking and I was immediately yanked right back to reality because it their conversations seemed so stilted and read so false to me. The exception? The conversations Francis has with his “ghosts” – now some those were heartbreaking.

If you haven’t yet read Ironweed and are already experiencing the holiday doldrums, I recommend keeping this pushed back a bit on your to-be-read list. After all, no one wants to come to someone’s house and find not only the turkey cooking in the oven, but the host trying to stick their head in there alongside it as well.

Saturday, December 13, 2014

The Naughty List by Edward Lorn

The Naughty List
3 Stars
 
Oh noes! Someone's out to get Santa : (

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Nope, you're wrong. It's not Clark Griswald (this year, at least). Looks like the ol' red suit should've tripled checked his list to see who was naughty or nice before making a certain stop.

Feel like having a little twisted Christmas adventure and are curious to know what happens next? Then read the damn book. It's free for goodness sake!

Linky-link: The Naughty List

Ed Lorn made a request of the friends he interacts with on a regular basis on Goodreads. He asked that we no longer rate or review his books (unless the rating/review is a not-so-positive or even flat out bad one) - because unlike so many others, Ed does not want to game the system. Here's the deal. I'm withholding my rating on Goodreads, but I write a "review" (or make a picture book - tomato/tomahto) for every story I read. The good, the bad and the ugly. After all, there are fours of you who read this blog and I  just can't ignore a following like that ; )
 
Soooo, between all of us here in the blogosphere, I'm giving The Naughty List 3 Stars.  It was fun, but it wasn't "deep" or a life-changer of any sort.

Also . . . a certain someone received a shout-out from The Lorn, and now he won't STFU about him. That someone also thought this story was going to be about him.

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*insert sad face*

And after reading the story? It's gonna be a rough day at my house. Mitchell doesn't like to take second billing to the diva who shares his domain.

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Ho! Ho! Ho!

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Friday, December 12, 2014

Bait by J. Kent Messum

Bait
4 Stars
 
Needles are squicky, so I’m gonna ignore that part of the story and SHARK THE S*#^ out of this review instead!!!!Commercial Photography

A couple of years long time ago I was just your average wife and mother who opted to read a lot of fluffy nonsense in my downtime. Then a bad influence came into my life . . .

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Instead of reading stuff like Twilight, he encouraged me to read the darker side of fiction. When Mitchell saw there was a book all about smack/tar/chiba/horse (a/k/a heroin if you’re not a complete nutter like my pal), he was in. When he told me Bait also featured a supporting cast of characters in the form of sharks, I was in as well.

Bait is the story of six people, previously unknown to each other but who all share the common bond of heroin addiction, who wake up on an island in the Keys. Battling withdrawal, they piece their stories together to figure out the hows, whys, when, wheres, and whos of how they ended up where they did. Once that part of the puzzle is solved, the six are forced to make a terrifying decision . . . swim through shark infested waters to the next island where they will receive more drugs and possible a chance for survival or stay where they are and die.

And that’s where the getting gets good, my friends. Let’s face facts – we’re dealing with a bunch of junkies here. There’s not gonna be a whole lot going on in the character development department. The real stars of this show are the sharks! God I love sharks. They’re so cuddly and adorable . . .

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Just me? Alrighty then.

Anywho, these suckers (the humans, not the sharks) are deep into the drug scene. There’s no way they aren’t going to try to get to the stash on the next island. You know what that means?

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Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!

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I pity the fool who has to go against these mother*&^%#s ‘cause they are HUNGRY!

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Let’s hope all the humanfolk don’t end up served at my fave restaurant . . .

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This book obviously isn’t for everyone. It is gritty and gory and everything foul that I like when choosing a book that everyone else will probably end up hating. I flagged a bunch of quotes and “memorable moments,” if you will, but now that I’m writing this up I’ve decided to skip it and only mention a couple of things. First – Messum has used this tactic of ending one chapter with the same sentence or idea that begins the next chapter. Call me a sucker for a good gimmick, but that one really worked for me and tied everything together very well. Second – as strange as this sounds, Bait could spark one of the best “book clubby” type of discussions of any book I’ve read recently. I love dealing with the question of what is right and what is wrong and who is good and who is evil. This book is one that will leave you with a strong opinion on those subjects.

Basically, if a book about junkies maybe getting eaten by sharks sounds like your idea of a good time, check out Bait. You probably won’t be disappointed. And hey, even if you don’t like it the bonus is it is really short and reads super fast.

And also? Dear Olympic Committee:

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Yes, please. Consider this a formal request.

Big Nate's Greatest Hits by Lincoln Peirce

Big Nate's Greatest Hits
4 Stars
 

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^^^Big Nate Twerk, y’all^^^

After discovering my youngest child was fudging his nightly reading requirement (a cardinal sin in my house, as I’m sure you can imagine) by spending quality time staring at the walls or sitting on the dumper instead, I decided to take extreme measures and requested this ARC that we could read together. Both of my kids are fans of the Big Nate books, so I figured I wouldn’t have too much of a fight on my hands, but I still didn’t trust the little sneak to actually read it if given the chance to skip out and build a Minecraft mansion instead.

Let me start with the kidlet’s notes. He wants to make sure I give him credit for his contributions to this review so he can share in all of the zeros of dollars I make reviewing, so here goes:

1. The Big Nate books are FUNNY. If you have a kid who doesn’t like to read, they’ll probably still like these. Comics are much easier and more fun to read than just word books.

2. Nate is hilarious. He plays all sorts of different sports and thinks he’s really good, but he kinda sucks. He also doesn’t get along with his teacher and isn’t the best student, but when he gets in trouble it cracks me up.

3. I love the parts about Nate’s sister. She’s such a loser! And his dad is so nice, but he’s a dork. Poor Dad : (

4. It is so cool I got to read this book in December and it doesn’t come out until January. I’m telling everyone at school about this for share day!

So, there you have it. You know what I found out after reading Big Nate? I’m raising him. Yep, file this one under “non-fiction/biography” because I’m pretty sure it was about my youngest.

Also? Big Nate can help you you some wicked “Yo Momma” jokes to your repertoire.

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Lord give me strength.

ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. 
Thank you, NetGalley

Thursday, December 11, 2014

The Silent Girls by Eric Rickstad

The Silent Girls
 
3.5 Stars

“Nowhere was safe. No one. Violence lurked here as it did the world over, most often exacted by known parties. Intimate, familial, and unspeakable.”

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The Silent Girls is a book that hits the ground running. The opening sequence is a deliciously gory stabbing scene committed by a very surprising culprit. The story then unfolds into a well-paced thriller revolving around a missing distant relative of one of the local cops in a small Vermont town. Former detective turned private investigator Frank Rath has been called in to help expedite the search and rescue in hopes of finding the girl alive while simultaneously hiding the fact that the case has been given preferential treatment. Frank hung up his badge decades ago when his own sister was murdered. Now, while trying to piece the background of the missing girl’s last goings-on together, Frank finds him dealing with old unhealed wounds and his team discovers the mystery may be deeper than they originally thought when they realize there are actually five girls who are missing fairly close to their area. The only thing the girls have in common? They’re all young. Then a body surfaces . . .

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Literally. Surfaces from the entanglement of brush she’d been buried under in a local creek and it is discovered she was gutted and carved upon with potential satanic images. Are the missing girls connected? Is a cult to blame? Can they piece the parts together in time to find their original missing girl????

According to Goodreads, The Silent Girls is 100 pages long. Yeah, that’s not correct. I actually bumped this one to the top of my reading list thinking I’d be able to breeze right through it and get on to my next book quickly. That wasn’t the case, but I ended up being okay with it. I am still curious about the page count, though - first, because I assume it was closer to 400 pages and second, because the one complaint I have about this book is that it could have been whittled down (which cost it in the rating department). There were a lot of plotlines . . . easily enough for two related (due to main characters), but separate books with respect to story (and a third once you throw in the open-ending). I like a book with some twists and turns, but this one had umpteen of ‘em all at the end. One or two would have been plenty because the writing was goooooooood. There didn’t need to be a giant dog and pony show to serve as a distraction.

There were also a lot of unnecessary factoids with respect to the characters that didn’t end up being necessary. Frank’s bad back is mentioned once every other page and another character’s addiction to running is droned on and on about. I understand the author did this intentionally for deeper meaning, but really? In this case it didn’t really work and most of it could be left on the cutting room floor. And finally, there were a lot of instances of using italics that put the emPHAsis on the wrong syLLAble. In all fairness, however, I did read an uncorrected proof, so hopefully that issue will be corrected before final printing.

Bottom line? This was one of the better thrillers I’ve read this year and I’ll definitely look for more of Eric Rickstad’s stuff in the future.

ARC provided by Edelweiss in exchange for an honest review

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

You Have to F*cking Eat by Adam Mansbach - illustrated by Owen Brozman

You Have to Fucking Eat
5 Stars
 
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I realize I’m super late to this party, but after spending Thanksgiving in a house occupied by a three year old, I realize there may be no better gift for parents of a toddler than You Have to F*cking Eat. It had been a long time since I’d dined with a three year old. You know what they eat? Frosting. Blue frosting. Not the cupcake, not the turkey that has cleverly been called “chicken” all day in a futile attempt to foil their little genius brain. Certainly they would never eat sweet potatoes or stuffing. But they’ll eat frosting. You know what good parents do? They let the kid eat the f*&^%#g frosting in order to save all the other guests from witnessing the morphing of a perfect towheaded angel into a poster child for Histrionic Personality Disorder.

Watching our friends’ kid reminded me of one of my favorite quotes:

"My kid brother hadn't voluntarily eaten in over three years."

If you have kids, are planning on having kids, or will be babysitting a kid you will eventually experience the non-eating phase. You will be convinced that the child has Scurvy due to his/her refusal to eat a fruit or vegetable or that you are slowly murdering your child via Goldfish cracker since that is the only thing the little bastard will eat without having a total meltdown. You’ll call friends and relatives – seek out “expert advice” from various child behaviorists – you’ll get really close to using extreme measures in order to get some sustenance into this tiny little creature . . .

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You’ll hit rock bottom on the day you can’t even go to super shitty chain restaurants any longer because THE. ONLY. G-D. FOOD. THE. KID. USED. TO. EAT. IS. NO. LONGER. PALATABLE. TO. THEM.

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Seriously – who DOESN’T like pancakes????

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They even work as an agent to help get your kid to Go the F*ck to Sleep . . .

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And then, guess what? One day you wake up and the phase is over and eating with gusto begins again. That’s the day you get the bright idea that maybe you should have ANOTHER baby.

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I’m sure plenty of people will argue that this book is too short and way overpriced, but really? It’s pretty much perfect.

Although I’m a paper kind of person, it’s hard to resist this story as narrated by “Uncle Walter.”

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Give it a listen here for free : )

Exorcist Road by Jonathan Janz

Exorcist Road
3.5 Stars
 
“We all have our secrets, Father. I’ll keep yours if you keep mine.”If you’re anything like me, as soon as you read the word “exorcist” your brain immediately wanders to someplace like this . . .

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or this . . .

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or this . . .

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God that’s fabulous nasty.

Exorcist Road is the story of one hellish night spent trying to exorcise the demon which has possessed young Casey . . . or trying to figure out if he’s truly possessed at all and not actually a psychotic serial killer.

What a wild ride! In the course of one evening EVERYONE’S skeletons come tumbling out of the closet in a story that is filled with surprise twist after surprise twist. There’s a little bit of something for everyone - Dirty business dealings, family secrets, immoral priests, and let’s not forget about all those dead 16-year old girls.. Exorcist Road is a prime example that a story doesn’t have to be long to pack a wallop. In fact, I would have been okay with this one being even a little shorter. Although imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, Exorcist Road was brilliantly written as a killer stand-alone that did not need to rely on some knock-off The Exorcist scenes in order to add to the page count. 

ARC received from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. 
Thank you, NetGalley!