Seed by Lisa Heathfield

4 Stars

 

“Nature made us. Nature knows us. Every movement, every thought, Nature sees.”Hmmmm, let’s see how many people I can offend this week, shall we????

So, if this . . .



and this . . .



and this . . .



all had one wonderfully messed up baby, it might come out looking a little something like Seed.

Seed is the story of Pearl Duggar - I mean, just Pearl. She lives in a utopia– a tiny community called Seed which provides everything she could ever wish for. The people who live in Seed work the land and the crops they produce provide not only nourishment for the residents, but also a surplus which is sold to “the outside” in order to purchase necessities that cannot be made inside of Seed’s confines. And all of the goings on at Seed are supervised by their charismatic leader, Papa S. At 15, Pearl has finally become a woman and now anxiously awaits the day she will become Papa S.’s newest companion . . .



But when a family from “outside” arrives – Pearl finds herself questioning everything about the lifestyle at Seed and all that she has been taught.

“How do you know what you need if you’ve never seen it?”

This little book kind of blew my socks off. I had zero expectations upon starting - Seed was offered up as a freebie and the premise sounded decent enough to give it a shot. I always try to make it a point to read as many new authors as possible (but generally there comes a point – usually WAY earlier than November – when I’ve read enough crappy first-timers and throw in the towel in order to return to familiar names). Lisa Heathfield’s first go ‘round sure didn’t disappoint, though. Seed was well written with good character development and a unique storyline. It grabbed my attention with the first paragraph and held it to the last page. I’m all for young adult books that break boundaries and open up discussion about things that happen outside of our own personal little utopias – and this one does just that. A very believable look at how easy it could be to fall into a “cult mentality” if you never knew anything else.

ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
Thank you, NetGalley!

You by Caroline Kepnes

5 Stars

 

Before I even get started, let me say this is not a book for everyone. Hell, it might not be a book for anyone except for Snotchocheez and myself. There is no middle-ground to be had here. This book is offensive and the characters are all vile and I expect opinions to be extremely polarized. And I totally respect that . . . but please have the decency to not troll my review and tell me how wrong I am or that I’m a pscyho. I’m already aware of those facts. Now on with the show . . .

You walk in to the bookstore where I work. Rather than picking up the shitty Dan Brown’s and other bestsellers that all the no-brainers are reading, you choose Spalding Gray and Paula Fox. You’re not only attractive – very reminiscent of Natalie Portman – you’re also intelligent. And as we exchange pleasantries while I’m checking you out (your books, that is), you prove to be witty as well. “If we were teenagers, I could kiss you. But I’m on a platform behind a counter wearing a name tag and we’re too old to be young. Night moves don’t work in the morning, and the light pours in through the window.”So you take your bag and go on your way . . . and I take a glance at your credit card receipt before shoving it through the cash drawer. “Guinevere Beck” – an usual name. “You are Charlotte’s Web and I could love you.” “The internet was designed with love in mind. It gave me so much of you . . .”

So there you have it. Joe is a stalker - a textbook example of the scariest version of one at that. He sets his sights on Beck and is willing to do anything to make her his. And I really loved him. No, not in the “boy do I wish I had some f*&^ed up weirdo in my life who would break into my house and sniff my underpants” kind of love him, but I couldn’t stop reading his story. Caroline Kepnes managed not only to write the most revolting character I’ve ever loved (move over, Herman Koch, you ain’t got nothin’ on this gal), but on top of it all she wrote him in FIRST PERSON. I hate first person narrative . . . but I loved this book.

Kepnes even managed to make me forget he was a total psycho on occasion. At times he was so relatable, and his opinions were spot-on . . . like when he and Beck went on an IKEA shopping spree together:

“Life at IKEA is not like life at IKEA in the movies. It’s a dystopian nightmare come true where all furniture is cut from the same hunk of cheap-ass wood, where all rooms were furnished with items that came out of the exact same factory at the exact same time. It smells like body odor and Febreze and baby shit and farts and meatballs and nail polish and more baby shit – doesn’t anyone get a babysitter anymore? – and it is loud.”

Joe is the only man I know who not only willingly references 500 Days of Summer, but dreams he could have a magical IKEA moment like JGG and Zoey Deschanel had in that movie . . .



Through all the crazy (and let me tell you there is A LOT of crazy), I held out hope for Joe – just like he held out hope for himself.

“Happiness is believing that you’re gonna be happy. It’s hope.”

And for a bit it looked like things might work out (after all – Beck was no prize in the normal department herself).

“We are a dream couple, we are what happens after Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks finally kiss, after cancer-free Joe Gordon-Levitt and sweet shrink-in-training Anna Kendrick eat their pizza in 50/50. We are Winona Ryder and Ethan Hawke after U2 finishes singing 'All I Want Is You'.”



But then Beck discovers his secret . . . in the form of a used tampon he saved - along with other not-so-normal keepsakes - and I realized there was never going to be a normal. And that I’m probably going to be considered certifiable for even admitting I enjoyed this book – let alone wishing for some kind of happy ending. I admit it. I’m nuts. This book made me crazy. It turned wrong into right and bad into good and I couldn’t stop reading it. I was mesmerized. It gets 5 Stars and it’s easily going down as one of the Top 10 books I read in 2014.

All I can think now is that it’s weird enough to admit to loving a story like this, but to be Caroline Kepnes and actually have this thing COME OUT OF YOUR BRAIN???? Oh, she has to be the most delicious weirdo I’d ever care to meet. Her writing is brilliant and I can’t wait to see what she comes up with next.

Pronto by Elmore Leonard

3 Stars

 

When 99.99999% of the entertainment value of your reviews is .gif based, things like this:



tend to happen quite frequently and some reviews just flat out fall through the cracks of your pop-culture-infused brain. Thus was the case with Pronto. I’m always fighting the losing battle of correcting some of my literary shortcomings and reading authors who I know I want to read and should be reading, but somehow still haven’t (and yet somehow I always find time to read this year’s Twilight or 50 Shades - God, I suck). This Spring it was Elmore Leonard’s turn. I started with a guaranteed “like” in the form of Run Punch and then it came to my attention that there was a little book called Pronto at the library. Said book just happened to be inspiration for one of my husband’s favorite television shows, which he claimed was worthy of . . .



Me, being the extremely clever lady I am, decided to give the book a gander, then surprise my husband with my vast knowledge of all things Raylan Givens and perhaps even enjoy the final season of Justified with him. And that would have been great . . . if I had liked Pronto a whole lot more.

The premise, although perhaps a bit stale and overused, was entertaining enough. Raylan is a U.S. Marshal who has been assigned to retrieve a runaway bookie before he gets whacked. You know, typical cat and mouse type of chaser with a broad thrown in for good measure in order to spice things up with the MC. Leonard even decided to throw in an Italian background to class things up a bit. My problem? From what I’ve seen from the Justified commercials, Raylan is all sorts of awesome . . .



And he’s funny to boot . . .



But in book form, he was a total a bit of an idiot. Luckily Leonard used a wide cast of characters that helped save the day and his writing was above-par, but all-in-all I was still left with a “meh” reaction to the book as a whole.

Oh and in case you’re wondering – I never bothered watching any of the television show with my husband – and he was A-Okaaaaaay with that idea. There’s a reason we’ve stayed married for a billion and a half years – I don’t poop on his parade when he’s watching shows like Sons of Anarchy or Justified or The League (but I totally call them his “stories” like he’s an old lady watching her soap operas to get a rise out of him) and he doesn’t poop on mine when I’m watching Bob’s Burgers and 30 Rock re-runs.

And now I’m only FIFTEEN reviews behind. Yay me! I deserve an internet break ; )

Fog Warning by Edward Lorn

4 Stars

“The fog comes
on little cat feet.
It sits looking
over harbor and city
on silent haunches
and then moves on.”

                                                  Carl Sandburg

Dr. Brent Cummings has had some . . . . ummmmmmm, problems in the past. Problems he moved thousands of miles away from in order to escape. But those problems pale in comparison to the new problem he’s faced with . . .



Yep, the good ol’ Doc just so happened to stumble across a murdered woman in a local park. Or did he?????? Is the fog that surrounds Brent an indicator of ghosts (both past and present)?



Or is it simply a side effect of the nearly constant drug-induced state in which he lives???



I’ve had a bit of a struggle trying to get a review puked out of my brain on this one. You see, no matter what I say I’m going to be doing Fog Warning a disservice. Per a discussion I had here on Goodreads recently – my definition of horror is seriously not the same as everyone else. I didn’t consider Fog Warning to be a horror at all – it was more like a super creepy mystery with a lot of f*&^aroo mixed in for good measure. Kind of like The Sixth Sense - you know back in the days when we all thought M. Night Shyamalan was best thing since sliced bread and not a one trick pony? The main difference between Fog Warning and The Sixth Sense??? I had no freaking clue what was going to happen next in Fog Warning. I also didn’t expect to find myself chuckling on more than one occasion at a potentially crazy and definitely drug addled MC. But I did. Lorn proves once again that he doesn’t need many pages to create deep characters. Characters who should be soooooo unlikeable, but somehow aren’t. This is the third Edward Lorn story I’ve read and I think I can officially say I’m a fan.

Because there is always a chance it will come up. Yes, I’m kinda friendly with Edward Lorn. No, he didn’t give me a free copy of his book (the bastard). I paid for it with my own hard-earned nickels and dimes.

Crank by Ellen Hopkins

1 Star

 

WARNING: UNPOPULAR OPINION AND PROFANITY AHEAD . . .
This is the story of Kristina and the downward spiral her life takes once she decides to dance with “the monster.”

First things first . . . Apparently I missed the memo that said everything “disturbing” should be written in free verse form. Note to writers: Using this method does not make your work “poetic” or “better,” so stop doing it if you’re not good at it.

On to the actual story . . . I know Crank was supposed to bring to light all the dangers of drugs and how using will destroy your life and blah blah blah. Unfortunately (to me at least) it read like an old “scared straight” type of story (kind of like a Reefer Madness, if you will) . . .



I realize I’m an old adult and this book is geared for young adults, so this problem could easily be mine alone, but I just couldn’t ever get on board with feeling any kind of sympathy for Kristina or her family. I know Crank is supposedly based on actual events, but it didn’t read true to me at all. The lack of caring, concern or any type of involvement with Kristina at all by the mother was extremely disturbing to me as a parent. We’re talking about a child – not some 30-something year old burnout here. Seriously, if your teenager is an average P.I.T.A. hormonal drama mama, but otherwise picture perfect kid who then does a complete 180 and morphs into someone you suspect is on drugs it is YOUR JOB as the parent to try and solve the problem using any means necessary. Hell, it’s your job to stop it before it even starts. If you think you are sending your child to an ex with a major habit, you DON’T SEND YOUR CHILD THERE. Violate your custody agreement, call Family Services and have his dumb ass investigated, do anything it takes to keep your kid away from that person. Writing a book about what happened and cashing in upteen years after the fact is the most “disturbing” thing about this whole novel. Everything else just made me feel like this . . .

Unwind by Neal Shusterman

5 Stars

 

“What does it take to unwind the unwanted? It takes twelve surgeons, in teams of two, rotating in and out as their medical specialty is needed. It takes nine surgical assistants and four nurses. It takes three hours.”



If you are at all familiar with my reviews, you’re probably well aware that I’m a “big meany” when it comes to doling out 1 Stars and super stingy when it comes to granting 5s. I’m here to tell you that Unwind knocked my damn socks so clean off my feet and I would easily grant it a 6th Star if it were allowed. You’re probably wondering what made this story so different from the other gazillion YA dystopian stories out there, huh? In a nutshell???? EVERYTHING.

Connor has always been a troubled-child and his parents just can’t deal with him any longer. Risa is a ward of the state who no longer has a place in the system. And Lev is a “tithe” – the 1/10th that his family must give to their church. The fate of the three is to be “unwound” – a compromise the Pro-Life and Right-to-Lifers made into law wherein parents (or the state, as the case may be) can choose to have 99.44% of a child between the ages of 13 and 18 transplanted into the most deserving (and highest paying) recipients. Unwind is the story of how unfortunate coincidence leads to Connor, Risa and Lev meeting and their attempt to save themselves from certain fate.



So not only is the “dystopian” subject matter fresh, but there is no awful “world building” to muck things up either. The “world” is the United States – the only difference is that the Second Civil War has been fought that created the “unwinding” law to begin with . . .

“A conflict always begins with an issue – a difference of opinion, an argument. But by the time it turns into a war, the issue doesn’t matter anymore, because now it’s about one thing and one thing only: how much each side hates the other.”

Another bonus? The characters aren’t sparkly sissies. They kick SERIOUS ass. Connor is a “bad boy” (not in an annoying stereotypical way – just in the way that it doesn’t need to be explained that if the poo hits the fan he will jump right in to the mix). Rissa is definitely no shrinking violet. In fact, “she’s a bit annoyed that she’s not included . . . It ought to be a Bonnie-and-Clyde kind of thing. The rumor mill is definitely sexist.” Lev goes through a total transformation. And, let’s just say there are plenty of other characters and surprising twists and turns along the way too . . .



The best part of all about the characters? NO INSTALOVE!!!!! In fact, there are only THREE PARAGRAPHS – that’s right PARAGRAPHS – that are “romantic” at all. Unwind is all about surviving . . . these kids could give a flying fart about getting laid.

As for the unwinding itself?

“No one knows how it happens. No one knows how it’s done. The harvesting of Unwinds is a secret medical ritual that stays within the walls of each harvesting clinic in the nation. In this way it is not unlike death itself, for no one knows what mysteries lie beyond those secret doors, either.”

Have no fear – you’ll find out everything you never wanted to know about unwinding.

And the best part of it all (well, for me at least) – YOU DON’T HAVE TO READ THE OTHER BOOKS IN THE SERIES!!!! Obviously you can if you want, but I hate when books are in a series and I was 100% A-Okay with the ending of Unwind and just pretending that it’s a stand-alone novel.

Like I said, Unwind blew me away and gets all the stars. It gets the first 5 for the alllll of the aforementioned items and I’d give it another if I could because I can’t remember the last time I read a YA book that could spark actual conversation between kids and parents about some serious grown-up topics like when life begins and abortion and organ donation and stem cell research and on and on and on.

“You can’t change laws without first changing human nature.”

Revival by Stephen King

4.5 Stars

While I was reading this happened . . .



And now that I’m done and ready to write a review, I’m thinking “why the f*&^ do I do this to myself.” There’s no way I’ll be able to give this book the review it deserves – flagging the crap out of it is just like a salt-in-the-wound type of reminder of that fact. That leaves me with the question of “where to begin?” The most obvious place would be the beginning . . .

Jamie Morton is just a boy when he meets Charlie Jacobs. Charlie has been hired to be the new preacher and the entire Morton family quickly find themselves smitten with everything about him (as well as with his wife and baby). But when tragedy strikes, Reverend Jacobs’ faith in God vanishes and he delivers what is forever known after that day as the “Terrible Sermon.”

Decades pass and Jamie finds himself transformed from a teenager with an infatuation with an old hand-me-down guitar to a 30-something musician who, in the immortal words of Neil Young, has “seen the needle and the damage done.” A chance (if you believe in chance) encounter at the Oklahoma State fair with a carny called Dan Jacobs offers Jamie an opportunity to get clean and turn his life around. And then???? Well . . . “SOMETHING HAPPENED.”

Years later Jamie finds his path crossing one more time with a man now known as “Pastor Danny” and his “Brother Love’s Traveling Salvation Show” of sorts. A revival, if you will . . .



(Since we’re dealing with Stephen King I think it should probably be clear to most of you that at some point during this book the proverbial shit also hits the fan.)

Sooooooo, now that I’ve written all THAT, I should probably talk about my reaction at some point, huh? How did Revival make me feel?

It made me feel like I was home.



Not only did Jamie’s big, boisterous family remind me of my own, but by the end of the book (and over 5 decades of Jamie’s life), I felt like he was an old friend. For the most part, Revival read like a memoir to me – and it may not sound like a compliment since this is a King novel, but believe me when I say it is. King showed what King does best –great characters. As much as I’ve loved his most recent stories, I must admit I did not fall in love with the characters. That was so not the case with Revival. Not only did I love Jamie and Charlie, but I loved Jamie’s parents and siblings and Patsy and Tag-Along-Morrie and Hugh and on and on and on and on. An added bonus was that King didn’t bother attempting to delve into a deep “relationship” plotline. (You’ve gotta admit, for someone who has been married for eternity, he’s pretty shitty at writing couples.)

The only reason this book isn’t receiving all 5 Stars from me is because of what I thought was kind of a lackluster climax. Now now now, put down your pitchforks. I realize the consensus of other Constant Readers is going to differ from me on this point and feel that the near-ending (once you read it, you'll totally know the part I'm talking about, but there's no way I'm spoiling anything here) was the end all/be all of the entire story and that’s fine. I just didn’t find all the added hoopla at the end to be necessary. All that was really required was what the good book tells us . . .

"For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away. When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child, but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known."

I know there are many who have not appreciated King’s past few releases. To you I can say, THE KING IS BACK – LONG LIVE THE KING! I don’t think you’ll be disappointed. As for me and my feelings toward the master? I say keep on rockin’, sir, and remember "ALL THAT SHIT STARTS IN E."