1 Star
I was going to call this one “Hey, I just met you . . . and this is crazy, but my family just croaked so I’m going to move in to your house and have a completely unhealthy relationship with you maybe,” but I decided to go with something a little classier instead . . .
“Nothing says awkward like coming in your pants while dry humping.”
If you’re only interested in the Cliff’s Notes version, here it is . . .
The long version is Mikayla has been dating her high school boyfriend for four years. During her prom she discovers that her best friend has been banging him on the side for two of those years. Along comes Jake, a boy from another school with a smexy accent and a hero complex who decides to whisk her away to his own prom for the evening. Pretty crap night, huh? Ha! You ain't seen nuttin' yet. When Jake returns Mikayla home from their magical evening she discovers her entire family has been murdered . . . annnnnnnnd her house was set on fire by the perp, rendering her homeless. Jake once again saves the day and takes her home to his family in order to begin their extremely unhealthy instalovey love affair. It is there Kayla can become the most terrifying predator of all . . . .
and Jake can become a psycho who doesn't like "his girl" talking to - well, pretty much anyone at all . . .
We spend the nextgazillion 250 or so pages dealing with the budding romance of the girl who has never experienced an "O Face" and the boy who brings it to her - via an epic bout of dry humping . . .
Yeah. Even though these books are supposedly for adults, these two couldn't possibly do more than dry hump and fingerbang until nearly the last page and some "fade to black" sex. Seriously? Holy blue balls! How old are the people who write these books? Have they ever even seen a boy naked???? Talk about the unsexiest of sexytimes . . .
Not to mention the fact that any girl/woman who calls her ladygarden the “down there” is not mature enough to be "doing it" in the first place.
This turd has a 4.23 rating on Goodreads?!?!?!?!
<i>ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
Thank you, NetGalley!</i>
“Nothing says awkward like coming in your pants while dry humping.”
If you’re only interested in the Cliff’s Notes version, here it is . . .
The long version is Mikayla has been dating her high school boyfriend for four years. During her prom she discovers that her best friend has been banging him on the side for two of those years. Along comes Jake, a boy from another school with a smexy accent and a hero complex who decides to whisk her away to his own prom for the evening. Pretty crap night, huh? Ha! You ain't seen nuttin' yet. When Jake returns Mikayla home from their magical evening she discovers her entire family has been murdered . . . annnnnnnnd her house was set on fire by the perp, rendering her homeless. Jake once again saves the day and takes her home to his family in order to begin their extremely unhealthy instalovey love affair. It is there Kayla can become the most terrifying predator of all . . . .
and Jake can become a psycho who doesn't like "his girl" talking to - well, pretty much anyone at all . . .
We spend the next
Yeah. Even though these books are supposedly for adults, these two couldn't possibly do more than dry hump and fingerbang until nearly the last page and some "fade to black" sex. Seriously? Holy blue balls! How old are the people who write these books? Have they ever even seen a boy naked???? Talk about the unsexiest of sexytimes . . .
Not to mention the fact that any girl/woman who calls her ladygarden the “down there” is not mature enough to be "doing it" in the first place.
This turd has a 4.23 rating on Goodreads?!?!?!?!
<i>ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
Thank you, NetGalley!</i>
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