Wow, No Thank You by Samantha Irby

4 Stars

Back when I had feelings, my self-esteem was a toilet.
Dear Sam Irby . . . . .



YMMV because her stories are about things like dropping hamsters due to aggressive menstrual cycles and shitting her pants and various other “swimsuit area” issues women sometimes have . . . .



But she also talks about marriage and step-parenting and her cats and everything else that isn’t quite so in-your-face and also . . . . .



Barry knows books.

Also, she is a woman of a certain age who grew up dreaming of being able to channel the lies of Veronica Sawyer, Vickie Miner and Daria Morgendorffer, who listened to badass bitches like Hole and Liz Phair and believes this video could quite possibly be the great unifier . . . . .



Not to mention, fantasizes about calling 911 regarding real-life issues such as . . . .

Hello, 911? I’ve been lying awake for an hour each night, reliving a two-second awkward experience I had in front of a casual acquaintance three years ago, for eight months.

And just gets it regarding being a fat person . . . .

I can’t watch This Is Us because even though the brothers are hot and the dad is a smoke show, in the first couple episodes the fat girl doesn’t get to be much more than “fat,” and wow, no thank you! Maybe there are fat people sitting around silently weeping about being fat every minute of every day, but that is a redemptive arc thin people like to see on television, and it’s just not the fucking truth.

Plus, we have the same policy regarding interactions with strangers on the intertubes . . . .

There’s no mute button for the woman at the grocery store who won’t stop asking you where the shampoo is, even though you’re pushing your own cart while wearing both sunglasses and a coat. But you know who you can mute? Everyone you hate on the Internet!

I double-dipped on this one and read part of it on the Kindle while listening to part while taking the dog for his daily stroll through the ‘hood. Irby’s delivery style (just like her writing) may not be for everyone, but for me the dry, droll reading added an extra level of hilarity.

If you don’t shy away from stories that are a little . . . . okay A LOT . . . . crass, I recommend all three of her books.

The Operator by Gretchen Berg

2.5 Stars

Man, I have a disappoint. This book had so much potential. To sum things up briefly, The Operator is a story that takes place back in the 1950s in a little town called Wooster, Ohio. The main character of the story is a gal named Vivian, who makes a living working for Ma Bell . . . .



Like all of the other operators, occasionally Vivian likes to listen in on a call or twelve two in order to keep up with the local gossip. But what happens when the gossip in question just so happens to be about her?????



This book is all about Vivian believing one dirty little secret from her past is going to become public domain, while eventually watching all of the skeletons fall out of some other townsfolks’ closets as well. As I said before, it had tons of potential (and that cover is the bees knees). Unfortunately, it fell flat for me.

Obviously YMMV, so if it’s on your to-read stack, give it a whirl.

The Easy College Cookbook by Candace Braun Davison

5 Stars

Captain’s Log – Day 873 of Quarantine: My existence has become an endless feeding session of the young Earthlings residing in this dwelling. So many requests for food. So many dirty dishes. So little alcohol . . . . .
Anyone else relate? At this point with all of this “family togetherness” by the time evening rolls around I pretty much am like . . . . .



But then I remember that one of these chicks might actually be leaving the nest soon so I suck it up, take their order, serve it up with only a teensie side of . . . . .



And only occasionally toss a jar of peanut butter, a loaf of bread and this cookbook on the kitchen counter for those days I really can’t take one more second of communicating with the trolls I created inside my own body.

Seriously, though, this may be my favorite cookbook I’ve ever received. When I got married, I pretty much could burn water. And before my husband was my husband he offered to cook chili for me and it turned out to not even be opening up a can of Hormel, but a SEASONING STARTER you are supposed to add to your ground beef/tomatoes/beans/onions/etc. that was pretty much just tobasco sauce and chili powder. (Talk about fire in the hole!) We could have used a little kitchen helper like this. Every recipe is definitely easy (and yes, you fellow oldies will find many to be kind of “duh” creations – “Nuts on a salad? Who would have ever imagined!?!?!?!?!). However, please remember we are living in a time where people pay a shitton of money for things like “avocado toast” not realizing it’s smashed avocado on a piece of toast with some salt and pepper . . . .



And I was pushing 40 before I knew you could make a halfway decent egg in a microwave so we ain't all Ina Gartens, bro. I love that these recipes are simple. I love that they are designed for one or two people. I love that this incorporates breakfast, lunch, dinner, salads, snacks, desserts (tell me your life didn’t change with the first Pinterest mug cake you could make only for yourself and eat in the quiet gloaming after sending your hellions to bed). I love that they are cooked in microwaves and on hot plates and require little to no kitchen apparatuses (apparati????) in order to get a finished product.

This might be just what the youngster in your life needs before venturing out on their own. Mine will have to buy one for himself, though, because I’m keeping mine.

And once again to (literally) put my mouth where someone else’s money was – I made the creamy tomato soup last night . . . .



(This pic for the ‘Gram shows a couple of $10 items that have become staples in my kitchen that I highly recommend to young’ins. I made my grilled cheese and ham the old fashioned way in a pan because I am pretty much Paula Deen when it comes to any excuse to use butter . . . . .



But this sammich maker has been the bomb dot com. I also didn’t know how much I needed an immersion blender in my life until I got one. Not only is it mommy’s little helper when it comes to soups and smoothies, but have you found yourself with no ability to grab a Frappé on your one required day at the office due to state-wide shutdowns? No problem. A little coffee, a little cream, a little ice, this blender and a can of Reddi-wip for a quick huff the top is nearly as good and won’t cost you $7.)

Copy provided by Callisto Publisher’s Club in exchange for an honest review.

Horrorstor by Grady Hendrix

2.5 Stars

Remember back in the olde days of yore when you used to be able to leave your house and go do things that weren’t “essential”???? Yeah, me either. Just kidding. But here’s what I did back in those olden times . . . .



Go inside the IKEA for a book pic? Hell to the motherfuggin nah . . . . .



Or actually buy something from there? Yeesh . . . .



Using only an Allen wrench for 27 hours to assemble something until your skin peels off all of your fingers only to discover you’re missing three to seven vital parts in order to obtain a finished product should probably be part of the Geneva Conventions regarding torture.

But I digress. Despite my own IKEA phobia, the title and cover of this little beauty was EV.ER.Y.THANG. and deserves all the stars. After seeing one of my friends liken the storyline to my favorite gang . . . . .



I thought for sure it was going to be a winner. Unfortunately, I didn’t walk away with Scooby Doo vibes (but if you’re looking for that, go snag a copy of Meddling Kids). Instead I felt like this was sort of a layman’s version of House of Leaves. It was okay, but just okay for me. I have WAAAAAAAAAAY higher hopes for The Southern Book Club’s Guide to Slaying Vampires which I just received from the library.

(THANK YOU LIBRARIES EVERYWHERE FOR GETTING US ALL THROUGH THIS QUARANTINE VIA ELECTRONIC BOOKS!!!!!) 

A Good Neighborhood by Therese Anne Fowler

2 Stars

I’ve been on a bit of a roll with reviews of books I really liked so I thought today would be a good time to go back to my roots . . . .



No, June. My roots of being a wrongreader. Or maybe not so much this time because this book seems to have been a mixed bag for my friends as well.

On the surface, A Good Neighborhood is about an argument between neighbors over a tree. In reality it’s about race relations and socioeconomic status and gender roles and on and on. If you follow me you know that I am hit or miss when it comes to tales of the “tragiporn” variety. Obviously this was not a winner. The problems I had here? Caricatures rather than characters – with the good being soooooooo absolutely squeaky clean they read like wholesome family teens from 1950s family television programs while the bad encompassed every awful trait one could have (stereotypical used car salesman, bigot, pedo, etc.) – with a storyline that featured a multitude of twists designed to bring the feels that instead came off as trying waaaaaay too hard to make the point(s). This just didn’t work for me . . . .



The one thing I did like that many others probably won't? The third person "neighborhood" serving as narrator.

The Familiar Dark by Amy Engel

5 Stars

I requested The Familiar Dark without knowing anything about it other than I really dug The Roanoke Girls by this author and was up for whatever she had to offer next. When I discovered it was a story about a mother’s quest to find out who murdered her 12-year old daughter in the Ozarks region of Missouri and the ancillary players would be found in titty bars, trailer parks and consist of “entrepreneurs” who adjusted their sales from meth to heroin based on the growing demand, well . . . .



My expectations were also EXTREMELY high. Basically, I was willing to settle for no less than something like . . . . .



Luckily Amy Engel delivered. Holy crap. Every star.

ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Thank you, NetGalley!

Last Couple Standing by Matthew Norman

4.5 Stars

After watching the marriages of all of the other couples belonging to their friend group “The Core Four” disintegrate, Mtch and Jessica come to the conclusion that perhaps desperate times truly do call for desperate measures and decide the solution to a happy marriage might come in the form of a . . . .



What could possibly go wrong????



So I owe both NetGalley and Matthew Norman a giant apology since I’m the one who requested an early copy of this, held on to it for an age and then actively avoided it because when I finally got around to reading the blurb (you know your girl is all about a cover, and this was a good one), I assumed it would not be my cup of tea. I have no idea why I decided to take the plunge yesterday, but holy crap am I glad I did. I read this author once before (Domestic Violets) when the library didn’t have the book of his I actually wanted (We’re All Damaged) and was a bit underwhelmed. This time? Oh yes indeedy are the comparisons to Jonathan Tropper spot on and I effing LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVED this. After wrongreadng a book on Saturday (due to a plethora of reasons, I’m sure, but bad dialogue was definitely one of them), this little diddy was a breath of fresh air come Sunday and I sat on the deck for the afternoon and sucked it right up. I loooooooooooove dialogue driven stories – especially witty dialogue that just flows without attempting to try too hard – and this one was near perfection. I also love realistic marriages and children and ensemble casts so this had soooooo many things going for it. And yes, the subject matter of cheating is absolutely one I generally avoid, but this book covered this hot-button issue with feeling and humor that made my end-of-book reaction simply . . . . .



As it reminded any happily-enough married person reading it that . . . .

On your side of the fence, the grass is green as fuck. On this side, there is no grass. There’s just booze and sadness and fucking designer jeans.

ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Thank you, NetGalley!