Friday, April 3, 2015

The Consequence of Loving Colton by Rachel Van Dyken

5 Stars
Due to my horrific addiction to NetGalley, I saw The Consequence of Loving Colton a week or so ago. My apologies for being so blunt, but I passed it up immediately because that is quite possibly the worst title/cover combo I’ve seen this year and I automatically assumed it would be awful . . . but then Brandi’s review said it was a light rom-com and that’s exactly what I needed so I gave it a shot. And guess what? It didn’t stink! But you know what does? These f-ing trees that are attempting to murder me via sinus drainage.

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(Doubt me? Looky here to confirm that these mofos do indeed smell like sperm)

What better thing to inspire a romance read, right? I figured Colton would be a story my nearly-overdosing-on-Claritin brain could comprehend, but also one I had a good chance of hating . . .

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It sure didn’t. Holy crap, I LOVED THIS BOOK. I never “love” romance novels. Heck, I hardly even like ‘em most of the time. I don’t even know who I am anymore. This one just had everything going for it.

1. The “tired trope” plot device was one of my favorites – Milo (obligatory stupid name for a leading character in a romance novel requirement fulfilled) has loved her brother’s bestie Colton for eternity, but she was always just the “little sister” and therefore off limits. Now everybody’s all groweds up and reuniting for the brother’s wedding where Milo plans to finally get over her first love . . . after she gets a kiss out of him.

2. The cavity causer – although this one wasn’t saccharine sweet, it had wonderful little heart melters like the following diary entry written by Milo about Colton when she was a little girl:

“Today we played dragon slayer. He rescued me and then said I was pretty. I hope he means it. Because one day I’m going to marry him. He’s going to be mine forever, and then we’ll play dragon slayer again and it’s going to be real – because everyone knows you’re playing pretend until you get true love’s kiss. And I’m going to get mine. In my castle.”

Awwwwwwww : )

3. Tired trope #2 is hands-down my absolute fave – things don’t go quite as planned so Milo enlists the help of her bestie Max in order to make Colton jealous. I’m such a cheap sell, I love fake love triangles.

4. Hilarity ensued. This book was soooooo over-the-top (which many will find 100% annoying and I get it). For me, it was right place/right time and I cracked up at the slapstick brand of humor and the injuries that everyone (mainly Milo’s poor brother) suffered due to her klutziness. Not to mention her inappropriate granny . . .

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My sides still hurt from laughing. Oh, and here’s a confession . . .

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TMI? Naaaaaaaah.

5. Fade-to-black sexytimes. A perfectly decent story gets ruined for me so often by squicky sex scenes. I loved that this one didn’t provide graphic details, but just implied the whozits and whatzits instead. Kinda like this guy is doing . . .

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The only concern I had was that I was routing for the wrong boy for much of the book. I mean, the title flat out said it was about “Colton,” but Max was the boy I fell for. He was such a great friend, and gorgeous, and hilarious, and sexy, and well . . . .

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I know, Pam. I’m disgusted with myself. In the end, though, Milo found her HEA . . .

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but was kind enough to leave me with this gem:

“Had I not crushed on Colton all my life, I would probably love Max. But his story . . . I had a feeling it was just beginning.”

Courtnie, you were right! The Consequence of Loving Colton is indeed marked as #1 in the Consequence series and the teaser left for Max’s story has me doing something I never in a billion years imagined I would do. Rachel Van Dyken I loved this book so much I want to break all my own rules and get on my knees and beg you to spam me with a read/review request. You made me feel like a sparkly Tupacicorn and I loved every minute of it!!!!

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ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Thank you, NetGalley!

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