Tuesday, December 8, 2015

4-Ever Theirs by Jayne Rylon

2 Stars

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“One woman. Three dudes. No regrets.”

Okay, so it might really only be Tuesday, but for Andi it is most definitely HUMP DAAAAAAAAAAY (or week even).

I requested this because some jerk who shall remain nameless likes to do drive-by shootings on reviews, leaving links to titles like these in her wake. Then said person somehow DOESN’T get approved for the book while I do. Probably because of karma. Even my husband was shocked when I told him what this was about. He was like “uhhhhhh, aren’t you like TOTALLY FUCKING a little too vanilla for that?!?!?!?!” And I was like . . .

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I also have an awesome friend named Lono who was willing to lend me some protective outerwear in case things got a little too squicky . . . .

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That thing was awesome! I feel like I sweated out 10 pounds and even though it had a convenient pouch up front for me to store a roll of quarters it was impossible to access so I couldn’t buy myself treats from the vending machine while I was reading this on my break.

I’ll be the first to admit I am turrrrrrrible when it comes to the sexytimes books – but please believe me when I say I don’t actively seek them out in order to hate on them. Occasionally (*cough* Ugly Love *cough*) things work out well . . .

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and I thought that might be the case with 4-Ever Theirs (I was even willing to ignore the flashing warning sign which was the use of text speak in the title). I also had to ignore the absolutely ridiculous and completely overplayed “girl almost gets raped and the only cure for what ails her is a massive amount of dong.” Dear Authors (especially women authors) – Using this trope is pretty much a dick move. Stop doing it. Gals like me have a limited amount of free time as it is. I just want to get to the splooshy stuff and stuff like this makes my ladybits go from . . .

to . . .

But I digress. The basic synopsis is that Andi has lived with Cooper, Simon and Reed throughout college. It’s the week before graduation and Andi is ready to let her freak flag fly. After saving Andi from Bill Cosby rando strange at a sex club, Andi lets the boys in on her sexual bucketlist. Being the best roommates imaginable, the boys are 100% in and confess that they have all fantasized about the same thing. It’s hard not to when you live with a dreamgirl like Andi . . .

Everyone agrees they will have one night each with Andi culminating in the grand shebang (hehehehehe) the night before graduation where they will all . . .

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With no intentional …… uhhhhhhhh . . . .

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swordplay (just in case you were concerned because that isn’t your thing).

And there you have it. This gets 2 Stars (which from me on erotica is pretty damn decent) because of the aforementioned contrived drama which led to the sex happening in the first place and then for the sexytimes themselves. Right when I was …… uhhhhhh getting interested in my research project again something would happen to impede my progress. The use of the term “channel” has been discussed by me (and others) before. Not good imagery. Neither is the “back passage.” Seriously? And I don’t ever want my mouth to be devoured . . .

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Just ewwwwww.

ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
Thank you, NetGalley!


Dear Bookpushing A$$hole (oh you KNOW who you are):

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You better have received your approval for this too. Good Christ the things I let myself get talked into. Anyone got any nice oceanfront property in the middle of the Sahara they'd like to sell me?

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