Not even sorry. I loved this stinking book and I’m shouting it from the rooftops!!! This time I even strong-armed Shelby into buddy reading it and she liked it too – proving once and for all that we do indeed read most everything incorrectly.
It all begins with self-employed photographer May’s sister and her broke-ass phone. At her wit’s end with her three young kids and having a saboteur known as Autocorrect making things even worse . . . .
“I need a frign break. Taking the butt strings to the arcade.”
“I meant to say breast sling. Effing autocorrect.”
“Argh! Not breast sling! I’m going to kill the dick who shit on my ass because it’s going all jello.”
“Shit storm! Epic shit storm of autocorrect madness! . . . Please just shit me cow.”
Poor Jenny makes getting a smarter phone priority numero uno. Thus begins the biggest misunderstanding in the history of misunderstandings. May thinks some random text she receives is from Jenny asking for a lifeline to help her deal with her butt strings, I mean breast slings, I mean CHILDREN. What’s really happening is a covert op drug deal using code speak, but May doesn’t know that. Instead she thinks her sister is possibly drunk at a seedy bar with her kids in tow and is verbally assaulting her via telecommunications, so she does what any sister would do – sets off to the biker bar in order to give Jenny the boob punch she deserves. Obviously Jenny isn’t there, but Ozzie is.
“He looks like a Duck Dynasty nut ball prepper off the range for a good long while now, but he smells like a metrosexual about to go clubbing.”
Mmmmmm, Ozzie . . . .
Wait, where was I? Oh yeah, no on the boob punch – yes on getting saved by a burly mountain man.
May apparently was dropped on her head as a child because she doesn’t find the beard smex-a-riffic like I did. Whatever May, you are stupid. I mean just look at it . . .
(Sidenote and Confession:
And also this:
I mean seriously. Dear Bilzerian: When you are done being a manbearpigwhoreboy you should totally look me up. We were meant for each other.)
Anyway, long story even longer May might be in danger and is routed to
(Shit, Bilzerian are you even serious right now? You can’t be good looking with and without the beard!)
May also discovers she has some sick fighting skills she never knew about . . .
and that she might be just a weeeeee bit attracted to her new boss . . .
“To distract my overly busy brain, I practice casual pickup lines in my head as I wait for his answer:
You look hot in that shirt. Maybe you should take it off.
Do you have a girlfriend? Do you want one?
Sex, I want some. Rawr.”
Which of course means they eventually do some throwing down in the sack . . . and on the couch. And it was DELIGHTFUL! May was soooooooo normal . . .
“He leans back onto the couch again, bringing the bra up to his face. He closes his eyes as he inhales. ‘Smells like your skin.” His eyes open and he smiles. I almost laugh. ‘Creepy.’”
and also . . .
“What are you doing?!” I yell.
“I’m bringing you to bed to give you a spanking.”
“Ohhhh, a spanking. I’d like to see you try.” I left my taser in my purse in his bedroom. If he even thinks about spanking my butt I’m going to light him on fire.”
And although there was only one sexytimes scene, it was totally hawt and . . .
May’s tiny pup Felix even got a piece of the action and a girlfriend named Sahara . . . .
Like I said, this apparently was not a winner for everyone, but if you want a RomCom that is totally adorable with realistic, relatable characters and a female lead with a hilarious inner voice, this is the one for you. Elle Casey, I liked you with Shine Not Burn. I farkin’ HEART you now.
ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.