Monday, September 14, 2015

Sirens by Kurt Reichenbaugh


17665908
2 Stars
 
“There’s a whole lot of weird shit going on out there, just most people are too dull to see it.”

I drank a big ol’ cup of the Shelby Kool-Aid and bought this one due to her hilarious review. (Please everyone make sure you click over and like it – it’s Shelby’s #1 bucketlist item to be the most popular reviewer on Goodreads.) Unfortunately, this book ended up being kind of a big mess.

Our story takes place in . . . .

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back in the 1970s and a group of kids looking for A PARTY AT THE MOON TOWER!!! a piece of tail . . .

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Makes sense since these were the days that revolved around grass, gas or ass – and no one riding for free. Well, no one except Suzie and her friends, that is . . . .

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What begins as a simple quest for poontang, quickly morphs into something deadly . . .

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And our heroes learn that upon hearing Suzie’s siren song . . .

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(Please note I do realize the reference is to the other song called Venus, but since this is the one that’s been stuck in my head for a day I’m passing it on to all of you. You’re welcome.)

they better familiarize themselves with the ol’ . . . .

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Especially when the only weapons available are bicycle chains and lug wrenches. I mean, in a case like this you really only have one option . . .

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This one didn’t quite work for me due to the abundance of plotlines. We’re talking sirens and aliens and dogankylosauruses and parasitic twins and luchadors galore. Buuuuuuut, if you want a cheap thrill (like ninety-nine cent kind of cheap) in the form of a “B Movie” quality type of horror story with some LOL-able moments . . .

“He didn’t belong in a place where women shouted about their pussies.”

Man, if I had a nickel for every time I said that . . . .

Anyway, if any of that appeals to you, I suggest you run on over to Amazon, hit the one-click button, and settle in to the soothing sounds of Blue Oyster Cult playing on the 8-track while you wait for your download . . .

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