Wednesday, July 2, 2014

A Song of Ice and Fire, 5-Book Boxed Set: A Game of Thrones, A Clash of Kings, A Storm of Swords, A Feast for Crows, A Dance with Dragons (Song of Ice & Fire 1-5) by George R.R. Martin

5 Stars
“In the game of thrones, even the humblest pieces can have wills of their own.”

When I first heard about the Song of Ice and Fire series I assumed it was for supernerds who reside in their mother’s basements and only dare to venture into the daylight in order to L.A.R.P. on the weekends (my apologies to all basement-dwelling-LARPERS for the previous comment). When rumors of the books becoming a series on HBO started, I decided to give it a shot and read A Game of Thrones. And I liked it . . . but good lord did it have a lot of pages and continuing on to book #2 with a full-time job and two young children with busy schedules just wasn’t in the cards. Not to mention the fact that I hate books in a series with a fiery passion!!!!!!

Obviously the hype about GoT never died down, and I found myself saying I would definitely make time to read the remaining books over the winter – and then I said the same thing the next winter – and the next. (Note to others: Using “Winter is Coming” as your motivator apparently DOES NOT work.) Then a bunch of non-reading motherf*&^%$s decided to start chiming in all over my interwebs about how they were such fans, and G.R.R.M. is their hero, and posting spoilers EVERYWHERE, and a bunch of blah, blah, blah B.S. only for me to find out that they only watched the television show and never read the books (which would have been perfectly acceptable until they decided to do all of the aforementioned). (Note: The dildos who spoil everything good about television and film are the same ones who incessantly post how successful they are at their various “fitness challenges”). In an effort to maintain at least a couple of my Facebook friends, I decided it was high time to say F-it-all to my responsibilities and do my own “30-Day Facebook Challenge” – which was to read the 5-book box set. Plus, it was June and we all know Martin is GREAT when it comes to weddings ; )

Now that I’ve read all five books consecutively, what can I possibly say to sum it up? I liken GoT to birthing a child. A horrible, monstrous little child . . .

Okay, that might be too gross for some of you. Let’s go with comparing this to a marriage – you have to enter it knowing you are committing for better or worse, in murder sickness and in health. You won’t always be in love. Martin will test your patience and will attempt to rip your heart out. Discussions with friends who have either read or watched this series have led me to believe that each individual has a different relationship with it.

You alone will decide if you would choose to be a Stark, or a Lannister, or a Frey, or a Tully, or a Targaryen, etc.

You alone will decide which individual to route for

You alone will decide which portion of the realm you would wish to claim as your own

And at the end of it all, when Martin has killed off people you love and blurred the lines between right and wrong and good and evil, you might find yourself trying to wrap your head around exactly how you ended up routing for bad guys or maybe hoping to hear a little more from the ancillary characters like Dolorous Edd or The Greatjon come Books 6 and 7 (and 8 and 9?????) in hopes of saving your sanity.

The only thing that remains is the question of “who will sit the iron throne at the end of it all?”

Although theories abound, I’m sorry to tell you that every single one of you is wrong. The true king of the Seven will be none other than:

(view spoiler)

Now that I’m up to speed, it will be hard to move on to something else (I’m being hounded by co-workers to begin the Outlanders series. To them I say shut your filthy whore mouths maybe next summer). For now, I bid you adieu to rejoin the masses in their fervent cries of “WHEN WILL BOOK 6 COME OUT???????” and leave you with these wise words that have held true over the course of the series thus far:


Oh, and just in case you were wondering:

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