Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Little Heaven by Nick Cutter

2 Stars

“How many of us truly know the beat of our hidden hearts?”

What happened??????? Maybe I don’t speak Canadian . . . .

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I pulled a real Ron 2.0 and read this over a month ago without ever summing up my feelings. I thought dragging my feet would work to my benefit, but I’m still the first effing person to post a review. Now I realize it’s time to rip off the Band-Aid and just puke it all out here.

I was soooooooooooooooooooooooo excited when I saw a new release from Nick Cutter. Once I finish welding the customized chain and shackles for him in my basement I’ll be just like Stepheny I’m pretty sure I’m his number one fan. (Trudi would probably say otherwise, but I’ll whip her ass in a cage match if I have to in order to prove it.)

The basics of the story are that three people with quite a sordid past are hired to work together in order to check up on a kid who may have been kidnapped by Tom Cruise be living in a cult in New Mexico – but there ends up being so much more to the Black Rock location than meets the eye.

Sounds decent, right? Well, it wasn’t really. It took until about the 20% mark to figure out what the hell was even going on due to it beginning with the main characters’ backstories which eventually made sense and were 100% necessary, but while reading had me wondering when the hell the awesome culty stuff was ever going to start. And then we got to the cult . . .

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Now I understand that David Miscavige only a handful of people come to mind when the term “religious cult” is mentioned, but seriously with this bullshit???? I mean all the way down to the pompadour and aviators . . .

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And the story itself? Sadly it wasn’t fresh either . . . .

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But enough with the bad. Let’s talk about some good. To begin with, other than Jim Jones Reverend Amos, I dug the characters and they had pretty awesome chemistry with each other too . . .

“You better make that fuckin’ phone call!” Minerva shouted over the engine.

“I’ll miss you most of all!” he shouted back to her.

Next, while things seemed to kind of churn around in one place for too long with nothing really going on, the ending wound up being pretty satisfactory.

And finally, no one does gross like Cutter does gross. We’re talking a real barf-o-rama with this one . . .

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Why thank you Jonah Hill. If I were rating only for the puke factor this would get all the stars. Unfortunately that’s not the case, so 2 Stars it must be. Little Heaven just couldn’t hold a candle to Cutter’s other stuff. But don’t take my word for it – read it for yourself. After all . . . .

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ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
Thank you, NetGalley!

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