Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Maybe Someday by Colleen Hoover

17788403
1 Star
 
A 4.38 average on Goodreads, you say? Yeah, that sounds about par for the course on books I rate 1 Star. Now, before everyone goes all cuckoo crazy I need to ask a favor . . . .

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Don’t’ tar and feather me just yet. I’m actually one of you and have fangirled over CoHo in the past (see EXHIBIT A). In fact, the only story I didn’t like was Never Never and that was more because it was a serial (which I hate) and it didn’t have enough storyline in part one to keep me interested in obtaining a copy of part 2.

I didn’t like one diddly dang dong thing about Maybe Someday, though, and it began immediately with a tired trope that was just not cool with me . . .

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Again, put the buckets of pig blood down. This tired trope has worked for me in the past (see EXHIBIT B ). It just has to be done the right way for me. THIS might be (and judging by the ratings obviously was) the right way for most everyone else.

When Sydney discovers her live-in boyfriend has been banging her bestie on the side, she finds herself jobless and homeless. Left out in the rain with nowhere to go, neighbor Ridge saves the day. Ridge and Sydney have been “communicating” via music through the courtyard for a bit, which has also given Ridge a front-row seat for the “extracurricular activities” Sydney’s significant other has been dabbling in on the side. He feels sorry for her so he (and his roommates) offer Sydney a place to stay. Soon Ridge discovers Sydney has a flair for writing song lyrics – something he has always done until a severe case of writer’s block kicked it. Working so closely together, it doesn’t take long for the two to realize they have an undeniable attraction to each other. But Ridge has a long-term girlfriend . . . .

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Therein lies the rub. What exactly constitutes cheating? Well, as far as I’m concerned if I found my out my husband/boyfriend/whatever was spending his evenings lying in bed, making sweet, sweet music with another chick and due to . . . . reasons found it necessary to do things like wrap his arms around her or rest his hand across her heaving bosom in order to really “feeeeeeel” the music I’d probably react kinda like this . . .

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And as soon as Sydney said “I will never, ever do that to another girl” I knew I was going to get more than a lil’ bit ragey. Unfortunately . . .

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But enough about that. Let’s move on to the other thing that ruined this book for me – the music. While I appreciate CoHo’s use of “mixed media” in each of her stories (especially in EXHIBIT C), it didn’t work for me this time around. The lyrics were super cheese-a-riffic and the whole idea really jumped the shark once I discovered there was a song entitled “Trouble” . . . .

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I thought maybe it was just a case of needing the music rather than just reading the words so I took a couple of minutes to You Tube the songs themselves and see what they sounded like. What I discovered? Nah, nah honey I’m good. I can definitely live without any of those on my iTunes playlist. (Please note I’m also a middle-aged woman who doesn’t like Adele. I should probably burn myself at the stake.) When I hear that songs are supposed to make me feely, they need to be feeeely. However, the feels I like to feel are things like anger : )

“Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is I love you too much to walk away though
Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk
Told you this is my fault
Look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed, I'll aim my fist at the drywall
Next time? There won't be no next time!
I apologize even though I know its lies
I'm tired of the games I just want her back
I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fucking leave again
Im'a tie her to the bed and set this house on fire.”
  

Yeah, I’m nuts. Don’t get it twisted that I think that is a “sexy” song, though ‘cause it’s not. The video on the other hand . . .

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Aruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuga!

The point I’m trying to make is that it stirs emotion and these songs didn’t. I don’t want to make with the sexy to whiny crybaby songs by Bieber (only Erica gets off on that). I want to do the dirty to The Weekend . . .

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Well, at least I did until it got ruined for me by being added to the 50 Shades soundtrack. Then (much like with the "romance" in this book), my snatch was all like . . .

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Bottom line is I hated this story (I know I was pretty vague up there so you might have had a hard time reading between the lines), but I’m still a fan of CoHo. Not every book works for every reader. Luckily at Goodreads you have the ability to read tons of different personal opinions (NONE of which are wrong). This one was already on your TBR? Definitely still read it. It wasn’t, but now you’re intrigued? Add it to the TBR. Hate that my opinion differs from yours and now you’re butthurt????

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Ha! I keeeeeed. Well, kind of.

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