Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Those Girls by Lauren Saft

Those Girls
 
1 Star

As much as I dislike television Chelsea Handler (I like book Chelsea just fine), she always seems to sum up my feelings about things perfectly . . .

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Sadly, Those Girls can be summed up in one simple quote from Drake’s “The Language” . . .

“She just want to smoke and fuck I said, ‘Girl that’s all that we do.’”

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Think I’m kidding? Here’s an actual quote from the book . . .

“We smoked, drank, fucked, everything down there; no one bothered us. Ever. It was terrifyingly liberating.”

Bonus that one of said “those girls” was Jewish with dreams of having a future in music. And with all the teen angst, pregnancy scares, whore-calling, and drug abuse this could have been an episode of Degrassi, which . . .

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Bet you never pegged me for a Drizzy superfan, huh? Learn something new every day ; )

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NO! You are not.

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Where was I? Oh yeah.

Once again, doubt me when I say that this was all angsty and dramafied???? Here’s another quote . . .

“You’ve become a complete clich√© of teen angst.”

My brilliant commentary on that one?

“NO S*&T!”

Bottom line is this gets a 1 Star because I wouldn’t want anyone to waste their money on it. Ever. Especially not the target demographic. I’m pretty liberal when it comes to my opinion of what is/is not cool when it comes to pushing the envelope in the YA genre, but this? Hell to the nah. Here’s some lessons your teenage daughter will learn while reading Those Girls:

1. Every cool kid should partake in the aforementioned smoking and f*&^ing (and boozing). Awesome, right?

2. “No never means no. No means try a little harder, right?”(FYI –a FEMALE teenage character says that.)

3. “Girls are horrible. I think that’s normal. I think that’s why you’re all friends.”(FYI - The nicest, albeit hardly-ever-present, male character says this.)

4. It’s totally okay to call one of your best friends a slut if she is one . . . “We never accused her of anything that wasn’t true; we never called her anything she didn’t seem to go out of her way to be called.”

5. Plan B is a perfectly acceptable form of birth control if you are Catholic and your mom won’t let you go on the pill. You also should never insist your boyfriend wear a condom – and you definitely shouldn’t make him wait until you’re . . . ummmmm, “stimulated????” before proceeding with the sexytimes.

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6. When all else fails and your whore friends are still being whores, quite the lesson can be taught via rapie . . . I mean, roofie.

The bad thing is, I love books about mean girls and with characters who are vile. My favorites list is filled with things written by Megan Abbott and MCs like Patrick Bateman. That being said, it is a fine art to create something that is simultaneously revolting and intriguing. There has to be some sort of “a-ha” moment. Whether that is a redemption arc, or the bad guy getting his/hers, or finding out it was only just a dream - something more has to come out of the character(s) by the end of the novel in order to make things work. This one???? Had nothing. Those Girls on the last page were the same smoking, drinking, fucking girls that appeared on page one.

Anyway, this book sucked and I’m an idiot for once again falling for one of those e-mails that tells me “act now before this totally amazeballs offer expires.” Dear NetGalley, I have no control over myself. Don’t send me read now offers. Please. I’m begging here.

ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Thank you, NetGalley!

Oh, and one more thing . . .

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