Super Sad True Love Story is not a book I’d normally choose to read, but since I needed a final selection in order to complete my library’s Winter Reading Challenge I picked it up. Dear Library Winter Reading Challenge: I should cut you!
I WASTED THREE DAYS OF MY LIFE THAT I WILL NEVER GET BACK ON THIS BOOK. I’M GOING TO SPOIL THE SHIT OUT OF THIS MOTHERF*&^%R!!!!!
I’m fairly certain I’ll be accused of being too stupid to understand all of the “hilarious political satire” contained in this novel, so here’s a pitcherbook confirming I’m an idiot and explaining why I hated it.
Super Sad True Love Story is a book about how America is destined to go in the toilet in the next week or so.
Although Americans stood up and said they were going to make a difference . . .
Instead, we kept being assholes who worshipped people like this . .
Wasting all of our money on awesome leisure suits and Mr. Rogers’ sweaters . . .
Spending much of our free time socializing with our BFFs . . .
And dreaming of being lucky enough to get a job in RETAIL . . .
While making sure to simultaneously remain attached our äppärätti . . .
Where the new rage was connecting via Globalteen, a program that made “verballing” almost a thing of the past . . .
We also spent a lot of time worrying about our carb intake . . .
In order to make sure we would still look supes hot in the latest trend . . .
However, we also made sure to follow the news for current events . . .
Like how America is AWESOME and definitely not going to be taken over by another country anytime soon . . .
Yeah, that didn’t end up working out so well. My enjoyment of this story obviously didn’t work out so well either. But hey, as long as there's still a chance old dudes can bump uglies with young chicks 'Murica will be A-Okay!!!