Monday, November 10, 2014

The Drunken Cookbook (a/k/a The Druknen Coobkook) by Milton Crawford

The Drunken Cookbook
4 Stars

When I was presented with the opportunity to read/review The Druknen Coobkook, David Hasselmouse threatened me with bodily harm if I did not jump at the chance immediately . . . so, that’s what I did. Hey, I’m all about reviewing for “scientific purposes.”

Sir Hasselmouse and I were immediately presented with the dilemma of what should we drink????

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Keystone in a Kamo Kan? What could be klassier??? Komplete with red solo kup? David said we should proceed to party. I begged to differ. After all, this was our time to show that we aren’t total whitetrash. Luckily it’s fall, which we all know is the perfect time of year to go to the orchard for some apple picking.

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Mmmmmm, these apples were super fresh and so crispy and delicious! So delicious, in fact, that on the first night of the experiment I cooked the following:

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The second time around I decided it would probably be a good idea to actually take a gander at the book before beginning the imbibing process. Turns out The Druknen Coobkook includes an “anti-sobriety test” of sorts. I made it a point to get only intoxicated enough that I would still be allowed in the kitchen. Of course any time one of the other critters is featured in a review, Mitchell gets all jelly and insists on being part of it too . . .

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(In case you were curious - YES Mitchell is a seriously mean drunk. And it doesn’t help that he only likes the hard stuff.)

Unfortunately, I did not find my cabinets magically stocked with most of the items I was encouraged to attempt to make in my inebriated state. Luckily, I did not find myself with an inflated sense of ability either. I’m not so sure I could master creating an edible Couscous Chicken Biryani, Authentic Smoky Chicken Burritos, or Spicy Thai-style Pork Burgers even if I wasn't half crocked. What I was able to make were French Bread Pizzas. Perfect drunk food, so take that Milton Crawford and your fancy-pants recipes.

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At the end of the book, I figured out a couple of things.

1. If I ever have unexpected guests show up at my house around dinner time only to find I’m loaded, the meal has to be really simple. Something like Paula Deen’s Jambalaya (sorry, Mr. Crawford) and cheesy cornbread muffins require ingredients I actually do have in my house and only takes about 20 minutes to cook.

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2. Pre-planning a drunken meal will have a much more successful outcome than flying by the seat of your pants. Got a load of people coming over to watch the football game on Sunday? Make something in the crockpot – it will cook itself and come out just right, even if you pass out for a few hours.

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Why yes, I do have a vast number of large cocks in my kitchen. Thank you for noticing. (There’s also a bonus “Where’s Waldo” type of experience in this photo if you look closely.)

3. And finally, if you aren’t able to produce anything whilst loaded, keep your freezer stocked with Hot Pockets and frozen burritos or find yourself a DD and leave the cooking up to the experts at Le Taco Bell. They don’t call it 4th meal for nothin’, folks ; )

Bottom line? The Druknen Coobkook has some very tasty recipes that I will attempt when I’m sober - not drunk. It also looks adorable on display and contains amusing little tidbits that will have your guests chuckling when they are snooping through your shit. Added bonus? It only costs like $10, so it would make an awesome gift.

P.S. Don't forget to pick up something delicious for breakfast the next day (especially if you have to go to work). I recommend a coffee cake muffin to help ease the pain of the ol' "brown bottle flu."

ARC provided by Blogging for Books in exchange for an honest review.

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