Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Darkfever by Karen Marie Moning

Darkfever (Fever, #1)
2 Stars

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Ahhhhh, stop yelling at me already and let me explain.

It seems everyone liked this book. I’m talking everyone. EVERYONE. Except me. I. Just. Don’t. Get. It.

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Okay, not really. This is obviously a case of it’s not you, it’s me. Maybe I’m too mature for stories of the supernat . . . BWAHAHAHAHA! I couldn’t even type that without laughing. I don’t really know what went wrong, so I’m gonna play it safe and blame it on Sookie Stackhouse . . .

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After riding out the horribleness which became the Southern Vampire series, I just wasn’t prepared to deal with yet another vapid waitress.

You see, Mac is a simple waitress from a simple small Southern town whose simple life gets flipped upside down when her sister gets murdered. Annnnnnnd of course Mac has to take it upon herself to travel halfway across the world in order to become an amateur Sherlock Holmes and find out “whodunit.” The problem? Well, Mac is an idiot. I mean, she made Sookie seem like a real braintrust, which is simply terrifying. Mac spends most of her time coordinating her ensembles with her nails, and don’t you know . . .

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Yep, Mac referenced pink so much I thought I was going to barf Pepto Bismol.

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Along the way, Mac meets a mysterious alpha male named Barrons who (like me) finds her insufferable, but (unlike me) somehow doesn’t follow his instincts to step aside and let her be murdered. Turns out that’s a good thing as Mac has some special powers of her own. Powers that detect the hidden Fae that walk amongst the normies and as well as the ability to sense hidden Fae Objects of Power (OOPs for short).

Sidenote: My brain insisted on replacing OOP with O.P.P. – which is a VERY different thing. That song is still playing in my head. Are any of you even old enough to remember Naughty by Nature? Probably not *insert sad face* so here’s a little image that will show you how the song goes . . .

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Okay, back on topic. Barrons recruits Mac in order to find the Sinsar Dubh – the most powerful of all of OOPs that can destroy the world as we know it. Talk about some serious pressure.

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Get it? Anyone? Bueller? Under Pressure – Queen and David Bowie??? Hilarious!

Alright, so this book didn’t work for me and didn’t like it, but I didn’t completely hate it either. Some things I enjoyed?

1. The writing wasn’t horrible and although I really don’t like first person narrative, I did like that Mac’s voice was well aware of the fact that she was telling a story that already happened. Seriously authors, if you are writing from first person it’s pretty obvious that person ISN’T DEAD, so don’t try to bullshit the reader into getting all nervous about whether they’re going to make it out alive.

2. Mac admits she’s a useless Barbie in times of crisis.

3. The setting. Although the world building was pretty lame for me, I’m assuming it gets better since there are a crapton more books in this series. However . . . Dublin???? That’s good – assuming Mac and Barrons ever leave the f-ing bookstore.

4. Mac’s superpower of detecting bad guys? She vomits. LOLOLOLOL. I got a kick out of that.

5. And last, but obviously not least, BARRONS. Duh, right? I haven’t yet read any reviews of this series, but I’m assuming there’s a lot of Joe Manganiello gifs to be had. For me, though? It was all about this dude . . .

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and anytime I can’t get the image of Oded Fehr out of my head is a good time.

To all my homegirls out there who have read/are currently reading/or are re-reading this series – I’m sorry it didn’t work for me. I’m always the oddball : (

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