Seriously. This is a porno. What the actual eff is someone who only wants to get their sploosh on supposed to do with all these hundreds of extra pages???? Because really, almost everything was okay about the story and aside from one really idiotic subplot (which I’ll get to – eventually) the main issue was that it never ended.
The story here is about Millie, a woman who lived the dream for three years with the love of her life, Logan . . . .
(^^^^Horrible timing for this name to come up because obviously my brain is going to go there.)
And then left him because of reasons (<<< no spoilers, but you will probably see it coming like 100 pages before it is told to you). Fastforward to the present where Millie and Logan are both in their 40s when Millie hears a familiar voice – IN A CHIPOTLE. Being a morbidly obese woman, this was pretty much a “you had me at hello” type of moment because . . . .
I know a lot of people talk about the gastrointestinal issues they experience after dining at one of these fine establishments, but my only problem tends to be . . . .
And if you follow my reviews you know almost everything makes me nearly shit my pants. I love Chipotle so much I want to marry it. My one complaint????
I still want it. My kids don’t need to go to college anyway.
Alright, so Millie hears Logan’s voice at the best fast food restaurant in the history of the universe and hightails it out of there pronto. She soon discovers she can’t escape all the feely feels their near encounter brought back and decides to track him down in order to explain what happened so many years ago. Things don’t go as planned, however, and instead we get a WHOOOOOOOLE LOTTA hate sex – and find out Millie hasn’t saddled up since back in the day so it’s probably all . . . .
Eventually the truth about why the break up occurred comes out and Kristen Ashley proves once again she is pretty damn good when it comes to the angsty dialogue . . . .
“I’m done walking through fire for you, High!” I yelled. “I’m done not because I’m done but because there’s nothing left of me to burn. You have it all! You’ve always had it all! I gave up everything so you could have it all. Please! God! Leave me to my nothing!” I swung an arm out to their table. “And if you gave one single shit about me, ever, make them let me have my nothing!”
Once the cat is out of the bag, we can get on with fixing what got broke so long ago. But not without hearing alllllllll about Millie’s “tingling thighs.” Fair warning, if you take a drink every time Millie mentions those things you will find yourself quickly going from . . . .
To . . . .
Millie also appears to maybe need to do a lot more kegle exercises, but Val covers all of that in her review so I won’t beat that dead horse here.
What I will talk about is the aforementioned subplot of the Mexican drug cartel bad hombres led by some dude named Venezuala or Benecio del Toro or some shit I can remember because . . . .
All that shit did was wilt my lady garden to the point where my husband had zero chance of getting his freak on. 3 Stars because 600 PAGES?!?!?!?!?! Unforgiveable.