Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Burrito by E. Lorn

5 Stars
“Any man willing to die for a cause is cause enough not to mess with.”

Let me begin by stating one thing right from the start:

Palm Springs commercial photography

The person I’m talking to should know it’s for her.

Like 97.8% of every “review” I post, this one is going to go off the rails immediately as I ramble. You’ve been warned.

Okay, so today’s rambling is the majesty of the food challenge. I’ve stated numerous times that I’m not a big television watcher (excluding the kryptonite which is the Housewhores of Every City in ‘Murica), but you give me a Man v. Food marathon (or my newest addictions, Food Paradise and the ones about deep frying ERRRRRRYTHING at the State Fair) and I will sit on the couch like a sloth until the last episode is finished.

When I saw Ed Lorn had written a shorty about a 30-pound burrito, I was on that shit like flies on a poo poo platter. I also knew exactly where his inspiration came from – Don Chignon’s in NYC where eating the “Grand Chignon” will not only earn you bragging rights, but also 10% of the business . . .

Palm Springs commercial photography

Lorn’s story puts a bit of a spin on things with the focus being life or death for little Wally if his gramps Hap can’t make this behemoth disappear before close of business. The rules are simple – nom nom nom, don’t puke and don’t even think about what wants to happen at your back door . . . .

Palm Springs commercial photography

But this is not just a tale of good vs. burrito. No, it also includes Hap's backstory and how a run-in with another challenge fave of mine, THE GHOST PEPPER, went from easy breezy lemon squeezy, to juuuuuuuuuust a bit of a problem . . .

Palm Springs commercial photography

To . . . .

Palm Springs commercial photography
(St. Elmo’s Fire! Get it? Haaaaaaaaaa! I kill me.)

Right when ol’ Hap was thinking . . . .

He found himself left with several miles of missing colon and no way to earn the money so desperately needed except to tackle the toddler-sized burrito. Can he do it? Will his innards become outards? You’ll have to read the story to find out.

An advanced copy of Burrito was provided to me in exchange for an honest review. Yes, Ed Lorn is my friend, but we both wear big gal panties and I’m not scurrred to give him honest reviews. My favorite story by him is the one he hates the most and his fave falls into the “meh” pile for me (and then there’s the corn porn – there’s not enough brain bleach in the world to make me forget about that corn porn). My expectations were so flippin’ high for this one I thought for sure I’d hate it. Imagine my delight when it exceeded my expectations. Every star there is to star.

No comments:

Post a Comment