Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Last Days by Adam Nevill

3 Stars
“What happened was inevitable. Cops in LA saw it before with old Charlie Manson. Cops someplace else will see it again. You don’t need no FBI or profiler to tell you different. They left the road, son, and they got chewed up.”

Well, shit.

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Do you like a real slow burner of a book on cold days (kind of like the equivalent of a savory crockpot meal)? Yeah, apparently everyone else but me does too. What can I say? I have a short attention span and demand instant gratification.

Documentary filmmaker Kyle Freeman is down on his luck. He’s robbed Peter to pay Paul on his last couple of films and is in serious debt when a billionaire producer comes waiving hundreds of thousands in his face. His assignment? Document the history of the Temple of the Last Days and obtain evidence on film that the paranormal activity rumored to surround the group is more than just a myth.

So what exactly is the Temple of the Last Days? Shelby said it made her think of a coven. My good Catholic upbringing made me think of the lovely nuns who taught kids like me so selflessly . . .

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In reality? The Temple of the Last Days was a cult ran by a twisted psycho. Kind of like if this guy . . .

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and this guy . . .

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No, the other Jim Jones. You know, the guy whose followers all drank his Kool-Aid – kinda like what Shelby makes all of us loyal followers do here on GR ; )

Last Days started out being all about free love and damning the man and wild trips hippie style. But when Sister Katherine reached Thetan Level 7 things got a little f’d up. Kinda like what will happen when Tom Cruise rules the world. All hail Xenu . . .

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Kyle takes the project thinking it will be the easiest hundo thou he’s ever made – but it doesn’t take long before things start getting more than a bit sketchy. Unexplained deaths, possible apparitions, out-of-body experiences, and dog/squealing pig sounds? Y’all KNOW ain’t nothing good comes out of some squealing pig sounds . . .

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EVERYONE loved this book. We’re talking Shelby and Sha and Eleven and Kimberly and Bill and Paul and a different Paul. I mean these are people who DIG horror stories and are experienced with reading things of the terrifying variety. When they said this was scary, I was expecting S.C.A.R.Y. . . .

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(SIDENOTE: A majority teeny little part of me wishes my kids were little enough I could traumatize them for life with this snapchat app. Best cause for therapy ever.)

I don’t know what happened. Well, yeah I do. I read it wrong. Duh. But I refuse to take any accountability so I’m going to blame it on the timeframe – “six locations in three countries in eleven days.” This book should have been like taking a spin in an Indy car. Instead, it was like taking a spin with Ricky Bobby after his little breakdown . . .

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However, with that begin said Last Days was pretty much what I hoped Night Film would be – just a titch spookier. No pointers on how to wrap your brain around my logic – just know that I didn’t like Night Film and I liked this one just aiiiiight compared to everyone else.

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