Thursday, April 20, 2017

They Rise by Hunter Shea

5 Stars

When my buddy Dan’s review popped up and I saw there was a story out there about ghost sharks I was IN. I L.O.V.E.D. Ghost Shark . . . .

Then I found out it was really about . . . .

“Chimaera. According to Webster’s, the word is based on a creature of mythology, an amalgam of different species in one terrifying beast. Or, in the current vernacular, one ugly fucker.”

The story here is about a surfer-dude-looking, wise-cracking, functioning alcoholic/marine biologist named Whit who ends up partnered with his climatologist ex-wife Suzanne when a methane-filled fissure under the ocean gives way, releasing a shitton of prehistoric mammoth-sized chimaera from its depths. It’s up to the two to (1) survive and (2) come up with a way to send these killers back to the hell from whence they came.

The couple of my friends who have read They Rise both gave it a 3 Star rating. To them I ask . . . .

Just kidding. I’m giving it all 5 because it ended up being EXACTLY what I hoped it would be. Even though some soon-to-be-chum character dared to say . . . .

“This is not a B-movie, Suzanne.”

That dumbshit was 100% wrong. This was ABSOLUTELY a B-movie and that’s why I loved it. They Rise had everything you could ever want in a cheesy horror flick book:

1. Monsters from the deep

2. Sexy leading characters with a love/hate history

3. Awesome one-liner type of humor such as:

“ “If we survive this, I’m calling you Dr. Jones from now on.”
“But I’m not afraid of snakes.”

4. High body count with plenty of guts and gore as well as some decent shock and awe like in . . . .

The only thing that could have made things better would have been if someone told me I could eat a unicorn fart. And then I discovered I could eat a unicorn fart!!!!!!

This sumbitch was an absolute delight and made my day exponentially more enjoyable. Endless thanks to Dan for using his lending feature in order to put this gem in my reading repertoire . . . . .


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