Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Too Late by Colleen Hoover

5 Stars

When I read that Too Late would be “different than anything CoHo has ever written before” my reaction was pretty much . . .

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I mean for real. She just had a book released yesterday that stated the same thing and from what I’ve heard so far it’s the same angsty instalovey bullcrap with some kind of rip-your-heart-out (assuming that you, unlike me, actually have a heart) plot twist (and YASSSSS of course I’ll still read the damn thing).

But this?????

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This is what I wanted Fuck Love to be like.

Now here’s the part where I offend everyone. Ready?

When I saw the ginormously high rating I was more than a bit worried this would not be the story for me. Especially when I read the first page and it was all rapey, but somehow errrrrryone liked it anyway? I still can’t wrap my brain around it. Normally Hoover’s books fall under a pretty specific category . . . .

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Don’t get your panties in a twist, I drink the effing Kool-Aid just like the rest of you. The exception to the rule so far has been Ugly Love (yes, Shelby, I will name drop that book until either the day I die or until Nick Bateman shows up at my house begging me to make the sexuals with him - whichever comes first). The more I read porny books the more my taste is becoming crystal clear. I either like them to have a lot of funny ha-ha mixed in or I like them to be dirty and gritty. What can I say?????

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Too Late was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay darker than I thought it was possible for Hoover to go. I mean, have you seen her? She’s farking adorable.

So let’s get to the story (finally, right?). Meet Asa . . . .

Yeah, he’s a real charmer. Drug dealer, manbearpig, rapey – everything a girl looks for in a dream man. Sloan kind of sold her soul to the devil and has been with him for two years in order to make sure her special needs brother’s assisted living facility is paid for. She just has to make it to graduation so she can get out. When Sloan meets Carter in class she indulges in the 50 minutes of normalcy he provides. But when Carter shows up at their house as Asa’s new partner, Sloan begins questioning whether or not decent men even exist anymore. However, she can’t deny their mutual attraction and the more she gets to know him, the more she realizes Carter isn’t anything like Asa . . . .

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Where’s that Kool Aid again????

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Ah yes. Thanks, Salvy.

Like I said, I MOTHERF*&^ING LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVED THIS! So much so that I never got my fat ass up from the computer from the time I started to the time I finished. I didn’t find the “twist” to be very twisty (probably due to it being the driving storyline behind one of my teenage obsessions), but I’m not sure it was even supposed to be a surprise. My brain still can’t process the fact that this came out of Colleen Hoover. Who knew she could be kind of a badass????

“Funny. I didn’t peg you as a doormat.”
“Funny. I didn’t peg you for a dealer.
“I guess I do have that going for me. Dealer? Check. Asshole? Check. What else would it take, Sloan? What else do I need to do to get you to fuck me? You want me to slap you around a little bit? Seems to work wonders for Asa.”
“Fuck you.”
“No thanks. Apparently I’d have to hit you first, and that’s not my style.”

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All the stars. And the best thing? IT COSTS ZERO DOLLARS!

The only recommendation I have? Stop reading at the end of Chapter 45 because that is where the perfection stops. There’s a good chance that the average Hoover fan will be totally put off by the time they finish the two epilogues and the prologue . . . .

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At minimum you’ll realize they definitely don’t add anything to the story.

THIS review is the exact opposite of mine, but oh my god talk about hilarious. I want to be her friend.

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