Thursday, August 11, 2016

Knight by Kristen Ashley

3 Stars

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Knight popped up on my radar due to Camilla’s updates. By the time I realized this might not be my perfect porny match it was too late and the library copy had been uploaded to the ol’ Kindle. Here’s the crazy part: This book had me freaking hooked. It was full of OTT alpha speak and instalove and bossypants and dialogue like this . . .

“That teeters over the edge of macho crazy, Knight,” I informed him.

“Yeah,” he was completely not offended. “Heads up, babe, get used to that.”

And I was all . . . .

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Now here’s a super random confession for you – even though Knight is clearly described as a reincarnated god of some sort, in my head I pictured Nathan Fillion the entire time . . .

I know, right? Whatever. Apparently my pervy brain thinks he would be a boss in the bedroom *shrug*.

Alright, so the story is about Anya – a woman who had a shitty childhood (due to her parents dying and not some tropey bad sexual experience bullcrap like usual) and is now going to school in the evenings and working by day in order to one day hopefully own her own spa. Anya gets roped in to attending a party with her wretched whore of a friend (read the book and then tell me you don’t feel the same) who promptly chooses a bro before her ho, forcing Anya to cab it home. While attempting to call a cab, Anya accidentally chooses an occupied room. Said occupant? Our leading male. He tells Anya he’ll take her home and then basically won't get the hell out of her life. (Yes, totally like a creepy stalker but since he was super bangable it made it A-okay.)

Knight makes it crystal clear he’s not your Average Joe . . .

“You, Anya, are a woman who needs a dog, a house with a white picket fence, one boy, one girl, and a man who worships the ground you walk on, thanks God every night he was fuckin’ lucky enough to con you into lyin’ your head on the pillow beside his, but still watches football on Sundays. You and me stay the course, you are never gonna get that from me.”

And then someone must have spilled a glass of water in my underwears or something.

Now, of course since this was a Kristen Ashley story things couldn’t just stay splooshtastic. First we had to learn about Anya’s body image issue – built like Jessica Rabbit, but with a tummy pooch . . .

First world problems.

I was okay with it, though, because nearly everyone has body issues even if they are pert near perfect.

I was even on board with the Bossy Betty stuff and thought KA did a good job making even a vanilla gal like me good with the control dealio.

But then?????

“Baby wants her Daddy.”

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This could’ve been 4, but helltothenah on the daddy talk. That dried up the lady garden post haste!

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